I walk when I sleep. Usually putting away my children's toys and clothes. Mundane things like that. But I moved Earth in my backyard last night... Deep enough to hide the stench of something rotting and scare the neighbors.
A dog barks waking me.
My dreams were making me.
Panicked in a panic!
Everyone knows it's me, I'm the one who does it.
Hide the thing! Do it now! But tell me dream, what was it?
I know I was asleep and it's probably delusions, but Im feeling this is real and drawing blanks and no conclusions.
I threw the shovel on the ground with the fright of someone scared of themselves.
Like it was already covered in blood, like I'm covered in Guilt. But guilty of what? I know in my gut I did a thing, I have to cover.
Suddenly the fear of getting caught overrides the fear of being crazy and I start looking..
In the drawers, in the attic, in the shower, in cupboards in the kitchen, over, under, open everything. Because What if I'm not? Crazy sleep walker lady might be a luxury at this point. Right in the middle of wrecking my house and my brain searching for a clue there's a knock at the door. Three... loud
GREAT!! I open to find two very concerned very blue suited gentlemen responding to a neighbor complaint.
I get it! It's 4 in the morning and I'm digging a hole. And I say what? "It's fine I dig graves in my sleep it's no big deal have a nice day officers?" Well, the Comic relief in my mind was short-lived because now I'm stalling.
"Huh?" "Why are you digging such a large hole at this time of night?" As if a smaller hole would be less insane.
Think! Think!...I got this. "Why are they concerned what I'm doing in my backyard? Why are they up even? I'm not making any noise." As soon as the words leave my mouth I realize I sound like a 13 year old girl who had her cell phone taken away.
"No need to get defensive ma'am, we just want to know what's going on." "Well you and me both!" I said to myself quietly in my brain but also out loud by accident.
"We need to come have a look around, just routine precautions to make sure everyone's okay" well this is not my routine. I'm about 90% sure I killed something in my sleep. That's what big scary holes in the ground are for, I wasn't building a sandcastle.
Then it hits me like a cement truck and other deadly puns,
"I need to go check on the kids." I said way too casually while walk running up the stairs as noticeably unnoticeable as possible. They follow me, obviously.
Kids are fine, sleeping, alive, didn't hear a thing.
The officers politely ask if they can look around, leaving out the part about for a dead body in your house.
I'm over this! I'm just going to say it.
"I sleepwalk and I do weird things when I sleepwalk, I don't hurt anything ("hopefully!") My thought interrupted loudly but managed to stay in my head this time. "I just move things around". And now I nervous giggle while I sway and fidget with my nightgown pretending not to be crazy which is what a crazy person would do.
They look at each other. They look back at me. I see a small trace of sympathy in their faces and pray I'm not mistaking it for "what is this crazy ***** talking about?" face... "We're just going to look around and then we'll get out of your hair."
They did! And they do! The scary part is over! unless of course I actually killed somebody, then it's right before the scary part.
Back to the search!
I look outside behind the fence. I look in the black hole underneath the seat of my car where I once put a bag of mini snickers but maybe for a different reason. I come back inside, check the places I've looked already with the exception of one. My silverware drawer.
I opened it to find no silverware but a notebook. I hesitantly open up the cover to the front page. Letters in my handwriting. A note written to myself that reads
"Dear Self, don't freak out if you do something weirder than laundry while you're sleeping tonight. You watched one too many lifetime movies yesterday and it's sitting in your subconscience. Everything is fine, you're beautiful, youre an amazing mother and an amazing wife! - Love, You" I sigh and laugh at my ridiculousness! Overwhelmed with relief, that while I completely forgot doing it, I loved myself enough to take the time and write this note of reassurance and confirmation.
Then I remembered, I have a husband.
I have a husband who once slept through a 3.5 earthquake and I have not checked on him. I turn to run to our bedroom,
but not before I stopped to look around the kitchen because what the heck happened to the silverware?
This is more of a short story but I hope whoever takes the time to read it finds it as entertaining as it was to write! Thanks! :)