"cowarding" poems
Autumn came quickly this year.
The skies tinted themselves gray.
The children were suddenly
under three layers of clothing.
I noticed I drank hot tea
instead of iced coffee.
My summer dresses
were replaced by my favorite
grubby sweaters.
Scarves flew in formation
to guard my neck from the cold air.
My music playlist went
from rock and roll
to acoustic.
I promised this autumn,
sadness will not strike.
I promised to leave
summer paralysis
back on the beach.
I was not to fall off
like the yellow leaves
from the oak outside my dorm.
You met me on my way to lecture.
You were cowarding
under three layers of clothing,
eyes tinted gray.
You were giving off
the scent of exhaustion.
You said I looked as if I were out to conquer the world.
You said I was armed with my algebra textbook.
I said you looked in harmony with the weather.
You laughed.
I believe you meant to stab me with that laugh.
To remind me how in August
your blue eyes did not want me.
But it's October.
And I'm detached from the thirst for you.
Autumn came so quickly this year
it made you irrelevant.
October turned your blue eyes
a negligible splash of gray,
made you fall off
like a yellow leaf
from the oak outside my dorm,
blurred you with the backdrop.
Autumn came so quickly,
October painted my green summer eyes
a fiesty, burning yellow,
a flame in contrast to the tinted sky,
made my footsteps soothing
like an acoustic guitar,
made my lips taste like hot tea in my own mouth.
Oct 22, 2018
Oct 22, 2018 at 4:40 PM UTC
It is copyright © Leonard Cohen 2006 and Jacket magazine 2007.
Takanawa Prince Hotel Bar
Slipping down into the Pure Land
into the Awakened State of Drunk
into the furnance blue Heart of the
one one one true Allah the Beloved
Companion of Dangerous Moods–
Slipping down into the 27 Hells
of my own religion my own sweet
dark religion of drunk religion
my bended knee of Poetry my robes
my bowl my scourge of Poetry
my final circumcision after
the circumcision of the flesh
and the circumcision of the heart
and the circumcision of the yearning
to Return to be Redeemed
to be Washed to be Forgiven Again
the Final Circumcision the Final
and Great Circumcision–
Broken down awhile
and cowarding
in the blasting rays
of Hideous Enlightenment
but now finally surrendered to the Great
Resignation of Poetry
and not the kind of Wise Experience
or the false kisses of Competitive
Insight, but my own sweet dark
religion of Poetry my ***** prize
my sandals and my shameful prayer
my invisible Mexican candle
my useless oils to clean the house
and remove my rival’s spell
on my girlfriend’s memory–
O Poetry my Final Circumcision:
All the pain was in fearing
and ignoring the girl’s voice
and the girl’s touch and the girl’s
fragrant humbling girlishness
which was lost three wars ago–
And O my love I love you again
I am your dog your cat
your Cleopatran snake
I am bleeding painlessly
from the Final Formless Circumcision
as I push up your dress a little way
and kiss your miraculously
lactating knee
And may all of you who watch
and G-d forbid!
are in a suffering predicament
as I go sliding down to Love–
may you speedily be embraced by
the girlishness of your own
dark girlish religion
Sep 14, 2020
Sep 14, 2020 at 12:46 PM UTC
I will not brown nose my way
Through this already ******* on life
I will not bow down to anything
Pretending your toes are the altar of god
I will not fight wars not meant to be started
Thinking I'll survive this eventually
I will not suffocate on the fumes of your corruption
Swimming on the hopes for one more breath
You think I'll live on my knees
But I'd rather die hanging from my neck
I will not justify your injustice
Cowarding under the glares of undignified politicians
I'd rather live fighting
Than die beaten
No it's said right
Because I'm not dying till I won
Jul 24, 2013
Jul 24, 2013 at 3:48 AM UTC
It never meant anything to me
Always beat it half it death
Made it play the sickest beats
Twisted my own hatred in with it
I don't know how good it can sing
But here...you can have it
My heart was always meant
To be in the hands of someone sane
Someone it can love with a smiling face
The very face I hated to look at
Because I never smiled
Unless my hands were around its throat
I'm abusive to my own heart
But I had help
From the liquor
The adrenaline potential overdosing drugs
The raging *** I had with your friends
My heart always beat for you
Always wanted you
So here...you can have it
It staid a live for this moment
It walked hand in chest with me
Over gravel glass
Through soulless jungles of tree corpses
It survived me
To be with you
So here...you can have it
It's finally safe on your black fingernails
Hiding in your palms
Cowarding from its biological owner
Sep 13, 2013
Sep 13, 2013 at 2:15 PM UTC
Stop, silence, let me self destruct quietly and in peace
I'm listening to the voices from beyond the clouds
They've got a thing or two to teach about life and the now
I've been struggling trying to find my way, a purpose
Sometimes their words seem worthless and poisoned
But I love it
You'll never know
Feeling like tonight won't be anything
That's close to the light
I'm standing in the shadows
Waiting for a sound to bring me out
But I'm cowarding like I can't dress myself
You're no pawn to face the queen
You're just a knight that might take the king
Mar 5, 2015
Mar 5, 2015 at 12:10 AM UTC
It's the way he touched you
You hated him but loved it
It's all the things we can't talk about
Breathing behind the blinds of your closet, and in the darkest parts of your head
Mangled in your memories
Caught in the middle of your dark fantasies
You love him but it feels so **** good to feel different
Hiding in another man's bathroom on your knees
What he won't know won't hurt him, but it'll hurt his insecurities
You won't say a word but the media and the magazine's are yelling at him
He's pouring his scotch just to find a friend, and it's a lot like his mind when it's alone, it's pouring over the brim
Cascading into mountains flying over top his head
You're a desperate little doll just stuck in your thoughts
Cowarding in the corner of your room hiding behind all the things you bought, to make you feel better
His income is incoming but his do's are doubts and shame
Everything's warmer near the fire, but the warmth will drive you crazy when you catch aflame
You're stuck inside a telephone booth and the copper wire's split
It's everything you want to say, it's all the things hidden underneath your beard that's turning it gray
Sometimes it's better to blow the flame out, but you'd rather stay lit
May 25, 2014
May 25, 2014 at 2:02 AM UTC
I am so alone
Hiding my eyes from a world that deceived me
Blistered skin stretched out like a canvas on the floor
Hopelessly hopeless
I am an ambiguous floating ball of light and death
Wounds reopened to dissect the once blood filled veins of my body
An army of thoughts cowarding inward to the soulless pit of my existence
Deranged naysayers throwing glass bombs at my feet
Oh god!
Where did the last of humanity scurry off to
Oh god!
Bliss-less suffering endures eternally through a facade of sultry emotionless ***
The leaps and bounds became the void
And there's nothing left
Sep 14, 2017
Sep 14, 2017 at 1:43 AM UTC
I don't know why I bother to try;
even though I know, you'll never be satisfied.
I'm not what you want, &: I'm not what you need.
but you're twisting &: turning my reality.
I'm lost in the shuffle,
buried with my troubles.
you're killing my emotions, &: losing my trust.
&: you look at me with a sense of disgust.
this is my world, &: you are my fear.
I think things would be better, without you near.
I'm losing myself &: cowarding down to you.
you're words they are permanent to me, just like a tattoo.
you're always right behind me, pushing me way to far.
cut me open, see the pattern of my scars.
all these people that think they're so tough.
try-- being reminded that you're never good enough.
you're killing me slowly, &: I'm almost dead.
I imagine you smile as you drift off to bed.
this isn't right, this isn't fair.
it's nothing, I don't expect you to care.
I'll paint this world, with my list of regrets.
I'll burn this city with my ashes &: I'll forget
that you weren't there.
&: maybe I'll be saved from this horrid despair.
I know whose right &: I know whose wrong.
but you'll figure it out, once I'm finally gone...
Apr 7, 2015
Apr 7, 2015 at 10:22 AM UTC
I can feel the sweat fall down my back
knees weak that I can no longer stand
the feeling of those eyes watching me from the front
as my back becomes wet
and the tears begin to flow
I can tell tonight I will be a no show
I try but I cant
I want but I wont
I can't
I feel ill but i'm not sick
the coward in me is a *****
I can't do what I want
I can't perform
I can't speak
the little things are possible
but the coward in me made them the impossible
Mar 6, 2019
Mar 6, 2019 at 12:18 PM UTC