Today you told me you want something real
And when I’m with you that’s just how I feel.
I feel real, and loved, and a great sense of pride!
When I’m with you I get all these butterflies.
I look at you and my head starts spinning
And I can’t tell who is really winning.
We agreed that it was all just pretend
But now I don’t know if I want this to end.
It’s 5am and my thoughts you still taunt
But every day it’s my heart that you haunt.
I search in my dreams but you cannot be found.
I try to scream that I love you without making a sound!
I have all of these others to occupy my time
But when I’m with you I can really unwind.
You talk like you’re ready to soon dissappear
But all I really want is for you to stay here.
My problem is, can I stay committed?
I don’t even know how you can really admitt it…
You say you still love her, but you want another?
I thought that was why we were here for eachother.
You can see us together, you’ve told me before.
Now I wish you would tell me that it’s time for more…
I think I lied and I fear that I’m losing,
Or maybe I’m just greedy, it’s all so confusing.
I don’t think I’m ready to stop all my fun,
But sometimes I wish you were my only one.

I'm damaged
Dented, torn and broken
I have wear and tear in all my places
     from years of being built up...
          ...just to be hammered down
Years of emotional turmoil from someone that should have been a support
                                                                                                                           instead of the dynamite.
In places where I shouldn't have been hurt
I now have barbed wire up to protect
The things that were done to me,
                                       said to me,
                                       or put upon me by you...
                                                                                   ...make me who I am it's true.
But some experiences are best not even told in horror movies let alone lived;
                                                          by someone who thought they were loved.
Words and phrases of endearment kept me there
Even through the pain
I thought I could fix it.
You leaving me hurt at first I admitt
Codependency is an awful thing.
But I soon realized that I don't need you, desire you or want anything to do with you.
My life is better off without you and your mind games.
I may be dented,
Hell I may even be infixable from all the crap you put me through.
But now that I don't care what you think I can live with my dents and tears.
Makes me a better person to know that while I am strong enough to deal with a hell relationship
     I will never allow myself to be in one again.
     I won't allow myself to be treated like that again.
I know now that I am too good for you
For where I offered you everything...
                                                                 ...you offered nothing except for lyes and cheating.
I moved on, something I was told you really hated.
I'm now truly loved by someone who I intend to share the rest of my life with
Someone who loves me for me and is working to repare the damage you left.
Good-bye to all your crap and pettiness
I don't miss you the way you wanted me to.
I'm happy and there's nothing you can do about it except for sulk.
You're not the one putting the smile on my face.
Never were and never will be.

Seductive being.
You have captured my eyes.
Blown away by an angel.
Tricked by diguise.

I'm lead astray by this angel.
The way she courses with grace.
So I follow the shadow.
Fooled by the veil on her face.

I have commited a crime.
I have visualized this affair.
Acknowledging this moment.
This innocent state of mind.

I admitt that this diversion.
Has corrupted me inside.
Leaving me empty.
Leaving me alive.

I'm drawn by her beauty.
Harmonizing her rythm.
While she harmonizes with mine.
Concious of this unlawful act.
Acheiving the impossible.
Acheiving this lie.

For some reason I can't stop pretending that I am alright.
I can't break the illusion that I am fine.
I think I am just scared that when I stop pretending it might never go away.
I am afraid it will get even more real.
But how then can I make you see that I am not okay when I don't dare to admitt.
I need help but don't dare to ask for it.
Why am I so scared of showing how I feel?
I wish I knew...

We stand in despairity,
Craving some clarity.
Yet too afraid to step out,
& figure it all out.
We stand in the dark,
Hoping life somehow provides a spark.
One bright enough to ignite a path,
Hoping it's one long enough to last.
We stand, hidding in our own,
Shadow. Hidden, alone.

The rays shine down,
Searching for a beautiful soul to surround.
But the flowers, the ocean,
The reality of commotion,
Seem to absorb each ray.
& in each day,
It becomes harder to step out,
Afraid the world will figure you out.
However the fear isn't there, to be exact.
It lies in a more complicated fact.
One we all have faced,
Is allowing ourselves to find our own place.

To step out of our own...
Shadow. To step out alone.
We stand here beneath our own dark side,
To ignortant to admitt, we all hide.
Stand there & question: why its so dark?
How in life, can i make my mark?
Stand there and believe,
That there's a sign that will lead.
A sign that will tell us who we are.
This, however, is farther than the farthest star.
Farther from any truth ever spoken,
Because in life, we are our own token.

So step out of that shadow,
The world isn't that shallow.
Discover the light,
Let your soul shine bright.
Take part in your time,
Life doesn't have a 'rewind'.

Go ahead
Think
Im just a bad person
You try
To beat me
Until I break

But I won't bend
You may think
I am against you
But I am not

Go ahead
Rip me apart
If you have to
I dont care
Take your best shot

Yeah I
Will shed my tears
But not to admitt defeat
Not to someone
Like you

I may
Have low self esteem
But at least
Its low
Compared to none

Again
You look at me
And think
You've won

Only to see
Me get back up and smile
And say
Youll never Defeat Me..

im sorry guys,
but this may be my last goodbye.
my mind cant fight anymore.
my body is starting to fall apart too.
what am i supposed to do?
im just tired.
but my mind can't rest.
my family wants me alive and to thrive,
but i don't know how.
im so sorry to everyone.
i don't even know who will read this or care.
but im tired of this and don't know what to do anymore.
maybe ill text a hotline or something idk
its the same thing everytime.
i go to the hospital,
and they treat my wounds,
and admitt me to the psych ward,
and i fake it till they let m go home.
what do i do?
everyone just says keep fighting and it will get better.
i have my blades,
and i have my ways.
why do i have to stay?
i know why i should stay but...
idk

I've liked you for awhile.
I just never admitted it.
     Why?
Because I was in a relationship that didn't seem broken.
Why rock a boat that's already floating.
Little did I know,
     It was sinking.

I admitt it,
     I wollowed for a little.
Honestly it was because I was mad at myself.
If my relationship failed once without my notice...
It could happen again;
     I could get hurt in the end.
Whoever said "It's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all"...
     has never been dumped.

I took a chance,
Made my feelings known.
I've never been more happy
Than when you said the same back to me.

We've hit rough waters early in this relationship of ours.
I think it makes us stronger.
When we make it through all these troubles...
     that's going to be a wonderful time.
I can say how I feel about you then,
Without backlash equalling hell freezing over.

I say it now and hopfully soon aloud.
I truly love you and all that comes with.
My feelings have not changed
Not from the start and will remain the same til the end.
I just hope I can say all to you soon.
It's killing me to be quiet about the feelings of my heart.

I regret
Feeling the way I do
About you
I have to admitt
It was fun while it lasted
But now I need closer

I wanted to believe
That I would have a chance
At love
Being happy
But what did I get
Silence
What are you afraid of
Me rejecting you
Judging you
I never rejected you
Matter of fact
I accepted you
Completely
I never judged you

I wanted to protect you
I told you that
Many times over
Now I am left alone
And full
Of regret

Your broke my heart
With your silence
My only regret
While I pick up the pieces
Is that instead of silence
You had destroyed me
All I feel now
Thanks to you
Is Regret.

the souls a wreck
shes coming
or going
and its all uphill from here
but wether it down or up its still a catastophe
and if shes steady going, then where could she possibly be
the bright shines in the late night sky
and its another minute where she forces herself to say goodbye
a tear falling down on to her smile
and she realized that its all her fault
but she knows all this was not meant to be
where is it that your feet walk
when the sun leans beside your shoulder
when the earth eats you alive
and in reality in the back of your head all you want to do is die
but your to scared to admitt it to your frail body
because in that instant you will break
but then you wonder how much of it can i really take
when you wake up everyday singing this is the song of life

I thought that was the moment
That everything will change for best
Maybe it will...
I guess I will find out
There will be hard times...indeed
But I am nervous of what is about to come
(Deep breathe)
I guess it depends on how I confront it
I will try to give my best even
Even when I don’t know what’s yet to come...
(Play chill music...)
I will admitt, I was a little bit frustrated
But this...This is relaxing
I know I should always have faith
I do, but sometimes, I overthink
I just...needed this
Maybe I can be wrong, but he knows best
Maybe everything will be alright, even better than expected