And then
you look at yourself in the mirror
for the third time
and say:
it smells like ***** still.

Once i had a heart and
i played with it and
i molded it
into something that
people
just put in their
freezers
to lock 'em away
cold as ice
but how can
a heart
ever be useful again
if its insides
are frozen?

I tried to put all the words out again
terrible mistake
now i'm grounded
by my own wrongs and
i can't make 'em right
not ever again.

All this angst & gloom
hollowing & hazing up my soul
i will never get free
still, i look
for some non existent
exit
from this living hell.

How to fix
a damaged soul
when its shell
has no longer
a will
to live?

When you're shattered
you should be aware
of your sharp edges
so you won't hurt
the ones
who tries to embrace you
with a gentle & warm
smile.

I'm looking at this blank paper
for at least half an hour
trying to put out
words
that i still haven't swallowed
but that won't come out
easily
as when i tried to speak with him
a few hours ago
and couldn't help
but yell at his
confused words
like an angry mother
who yells at her child
when they make mistakes
but you didn't
and now i'm staring at
this blank piece of
paper
trying to
apologize
for being stupid
and childish
like a kid
that makes mistakes over and over
and never stops
until they are left alone
in a room
grounded
lonely
mad
so they will think about
what they've done
and this blank piece of paper
feels like the corner
of a white room
and i'm locked up
and i can't speak
with you
because you're not here
to listen
to watch
to see me
crawling upon my own sharp words
and hurting myself
so i won't let them out again
so easily
anytime soon.