once upon a time
i believed in a paradigm
that had me condemned.

this kept me concealing
new stunning feelings,
that later would need some healing.

i cannot imagine
how i could hold passion
if i did not know this affliction.

its held above my head
and blocks my thoughts;
striving to make them rot.

beauty became lost chaos
and danger was wonderfully irrelevant
over waterfalls of suicidal insecurities.

knowledge forever forfeit
while our consciousness was dormant
in a haze of repressed youth.

i will find the means
to survive my teens
and overwhelm the fantasy
pushed upon me.

the real world
will take my mold
and accept all those lost with me.

i will become the greater creator
and produce an ideal,
made to heal

and morn for those
who gave in
and let the old ways win.

you remind me to let myself be happy.
you probably dont realize
how much you mean to me.
i wish i could repay you
for the strength i take from you.
i would tell you to take my heart
but you may be already reaching
as i stare at my ceiling.
you might be afraid of the dark
but i want to remind you
of your love of the stars
whose brightness is reaped
and piqued from the night.
you remind me of the moon
with your mystery and history,
that inspire so many.
so, i would like to tell you,
that your pain is temporary
and you are extraordinary
i am by your side.
as you have been for me.

i never imagined i would care so much.

there is no way to see the future.

i would give anything
to have become an easier creature.

there has never been such
a cloud in my vision.

i want to determine
what my past means to me.

i will look beyond
and no longer look behind.

i wish my life would look at itself
and fix all my flaws

i wait for an applause

when i am my only audience
and i am out of patience

with such a selfish creature.

soft voices and poor choices have led me here.
i want to laugh at how
my face shows its fear.
indecision and lack of vision
have left me for dead;
fed to the angry beast
left behind, in my head.
streams of consciousness
and everlasting thoughtlessness
make waves in their wake.
it all bends and breaks.
friends working to
stop the aches.
soon the lurking beast will awaken
and my world will be shaken,
but for now,
i will stay on my journey
to a jury
that will put these voices
to rest.

i have forgotten how to think
my words are spilling
along with the ink
i cant do anything
so i just blink

i may die tonight
living like this isn't in my right.
i have lost my fight
and all my might
has since taken flight

i know i don't deserve it
there is nothing i wont admit
i know i am unfit
to recieve all these benefits
but i just cant help it

my breathing will pause
and there will be a morbid cause
to the stuttering in my chest
and it will all be because
i have forgotten how to think