I met a lady in red with glasses on
She sits near the heavy stone
as i enter the room
she smiles and waved her hand

The moon was hidden,
And the sky was missing any sight of stars
Or a glimmer of hope, in this case.

Walking into the room with the anxiety of falling back in a chair, awaiting inevitable pain and wishing I had taken the time to be careful and avoid this.

I keep thinking it's wrong to hate seeing you with someone else,
And the way your face lights up at the thought of someone else,
How you get your haircut and clean your entire house for someone else.

And the lights that flash,
And the music that blasts
Can’t deafen me or blind me from the fact that
I can feel the lump in my throat wrap into a swift breeze of nausea when she wraps her arms around you and kisses you like I'm not there at all.

I told you she was so pretty because I wanted to be kind,
You might be more apt to love me more if I was kind right?

I settled in the back and drank all the drinks,
And took off my glasses in the hope that blurring the sights would make them not so real,
But alas, the pain was there and was real already.

Too much to dissipate with the removal of glasses,
Just staring at blurry black shadows and smiling a look of extra approval when you turned around.

And I can never let you know,
Because I'm not a selfish person like that.
It's called love, not possession,
So I’m having to love you from across the room, and possess only the overworked smile smacked across my face.

Because I don't want you to be unhappy,
I just wanted you to be happy with me,
Not somebody else.

I was awestruck by the sublime heat of our love which filled every jagged and rugged crevice of my soul.
But it only took a lightening bolt and soon we were dusting its ashes from our clothes
It burned swiftly like the scorching indian summer when we first met
Your hazel eyes glued to mine
The sultry southern wind could do nothing to calm your untamed passion that i innately knew would perfectly rival mine
The swooping birds whistled your lovesong
Tickling me tainting my dreams with specs of reality
Everything felt so inevitable
Maybe i was naive or
Stupid enough
I coudnt smell any warning
Maybe i was inebriated by your smouldering scent
Or did i deliberately turned a blind eye
Or a deaf ear when the placid waters of the tranquil lake began to roar
Impelling me
Trying to save me from going astray
But my heart knew you would save me
If only i knew
That you never ever felt the same
Cause you were never the one to stay

i'd like to say that i've always been into clean living
but there's nothing really clean
about *** on your brother's living room floor
or
making you ache in movie theaters
with just a glance
or
handjobs and ruining your pants
i
somehow have this strange power over men
wanna look into my eyes
when i **** them
like i was prepackaged
batteries included
a little machine
with thick thighs and big lips
and
the prettiest eyes you've ever seen
below your belt
you
hang on my words like they're something
you've never felt
i

have a pretty smile
taste like something you've wanted
but never had
with crinkles in my cheeks and the dimples on my back
i
could make a grown man crack
and i
do -
the middle aged men at my job
love me
wait outside after closing tryna touch me
and i get scared
walking home
fingers shake
in the cold
one mile till i can let go
of the breath
that i hold
and i

try my hand at clean living.
eat salads,
stay home on the weekends
cut off boys
that make me
feel
anything
joe at work
tells me to wear less makeup
maybe then
men won't follow me home
maybe then
mike will leave me alone
stop calling the store phone
looking for the prettiest smile
he says he's ever seen
i stand behind the counter
ready to dial
911
on my screen

clean living doesn't feel very clean
when everyone you touch
has dirt on them
i mean
i don't want to make a scene
at work
i just want to make money
go home
not get hurt
keep my head down
but red is too easy to spot
much easier than i thought

I get trapped
By ropes braided with scales
And hiss it whispers
"Love"

Like the venom it bites me with
Makes me hallucinate.

Now I'm with you in a room
I'm not sure if I'm the interrogator
When I ask these questions.
You say it depends on the confidence you carry
I say my confidence vanished with your "no".
You say fine then the interrogation is over.

Fleeting are feelings of euphoria
Come in a fleet of reality.
Fire the pessimism
Oh! We got a hit!
Now he feels uncertainty
Insecurity
Trapped

In a room with you and I enjoy it
Five minutes is all I need to feel euphoria
Come in with a fleet of reality
Fire the pessimism
Oh!  It hurts even more now,

I'm in a room with you and I enjoy it.