I wanted to write a poem but somehow I forgot

The only bond between us was the illusion of what could have been.
A lie that I kept in my heart like a prayer that I believed in.
Just a delusion of finding someone, who could have, would have, understood me beyond the touch of my skin.
But, once the smoke cleared I found myself again standing in the shadows of a hope that was never there.

She might loved you
but I loved you more
than anything I've ever
loved in my whole life
she might been there
when you needed her
but I was there when you
didn't even need a thing
I loved everything about
you even your darkest
secrets, flaws, imperfections
secrets that you only shared
with me, flaws that were
nothing but perfection in
my eyes, imperfections that
made me fall in love with
you more and more
I loved you despite all the
pain you caused, the long
sleepless nights and every
single piece you scattered
of this shattered heart

Inspire me to be the me I wish to be

Sometimes, at 3 AM in the morning
I lie awake and wonder about the unknown
Where would I be?
Who would I be with?
Would my children have their daddy's eyes?
Or would they have my madness?
And I wonder  about all what could have been
But what I wonder about the most is..
Would I be happy?
Sometimes when I'm wide awake at 3 AM in the morning I just wonder

I look at you and see everything I've ever been
everything I've hated in myself and loved in you
everything I wanted to change and everything
that made me fall deeply and recklessly for you
fall for how imperfectly perfect you really are
lost and confused not knowing where to go in life
I see the pain hidden behind that breathtaking smile
the agony of being alone with the people you love
the agony of having no where and no one to belong to
no one to relate to, no one who could understand this
madness, fury and rage that makes you want to leave
just let go and leave it all behind and start over
somewhere new with someone new but it's sad
that you can't ******* pack up, just leave and let it go
the people you loved the places you've known
the pain that's stuck on your heart and soul
I look at you and see myself through those eyes
see my pain my anger and my hidden flaws
I see you and see in you everything that I've ever been

Lost within an irrational equation
more like a unpredicted invasion
never knew what was the occasion
that forced me into this with no persuasion
not even an explanation just an evasion
a conflation that led me to devastation
of madness and rage straight to desolation
to the point of no return, the almighty isolation

If a writer tells you it's not you it's him
don't argue and believe him
you see the thing about writers is that
just like the waves of the sea they're never stable they crash into themselves trying to keep what's left of their sanity you'll think that they have this perfect life because they write so perfectly but you're wrong because most writers don't believe in perfection they believe in the power of absolute madness and other writers don't even know what to believe in and when they fall they don't simply fall in love they lose control and fall recklessly like there's no tomorrow they can make you the happiest person alive they will revolve their existence around you they will feed on your love and breathe you in they'll want you and all of you to them only because they'll become somehow selfish when it comes to you and you should never forget that you're the source of their happiness and without you they will never be whole they'll write russian novels about you and fifty pages of describing the beauty of your soul they'll make you the most beautiful thing they'll make you heaven walking on earth with their words and poems they'll make you alive but if you ever hurt them you'll be done gone forever you won't exist anymore even if you screamed for your existence right in front of their eyes they'll scratch you from the poems and all the love letters and you will become a nothing but a hovering memory of a ghost and even if you beg and plead on your knees they will never be the same because when writers have broken hearts they end up with broken souls that will never stop writing about the pain and agony you caused so when a writer tells you it's not you it's him just pick up your stuff and leave.

2:00 AM in the morning thinking
of you and what you might be doing
remembering the way you stare at me
and smile remembering the way you
mistakenly touch my hand and look
away the way you play with my hair
teasing me coming so close but you
end up leaving me yearning for your
love but you're never pleasing me

2:15 I stand and stare at the mirror
I look at myself and try to reconsider
every step I took trying to get near
every move I did to make it so clear
that all I want is you but I hide the fear
of losing a friend and a potential lover
all this pain I have I just need to cover  
but every time I try all I get is an ERROR

2:30 I take out an ice blue ****
**** it I tried to be **** strong
but everything I do turns out wrong
and I know this pain will take too long
to fade away so I keep singing this song

When you lose a lover
or a dear friend
you might
get them back
but they'll never
be the same
ever again

I look into your eyes and see an immense love
A love I can't take anymore
A love that breaks my heart in bones
A love that is not right for me
A love I do not deserve
And a love,
a love that can fill the valleys with flowing rain

Love is that fine line
between heaven and hell,
took me to heaven
and now it keeps
dragging me down to hell.

Truth be told,
I'm a cold hearted *******.
Love was never meant for me,
but you'll always find it in my writings.

*****, who you think you are?
you're just a drunk fella at the bar
coming to my face and dissing me
your opinion ain't **** to me
my words are my **** pride
I wrote when my heart cried
I wrote when my soul died
I wrote and god knows I tried
to be better but now I just ride
with poetry running in my veins
and prose coming straight from my heart

I won't cry
for you tonight

People come
To the city of love  
To fall in love
Fall in lust
Fall in liqour
Fall in junk
But me
I've come
To make peace
With the me
I've left back here
The me that fell
So many times
I cannot recall
But I'm going back
With sweet lies
That won't ease
The aching pain
And a numb heart
That won't feel
A thing

I came to forget, but all I've got is regret.

I don't know
if I'll ever get the chance to tell you
how the whole world
disappears when you're here

But like the sun
hugs the horizon
and the moon
kisses the sky

Day by day
I am here
and my love
for you is real

If your job is becoming less than a passion and more like a wrecked marriage.
You get up, you take a very deep breath and run.
Run like you're fighting your life, run till it's no longer killing you from the inside.
Because every time you decide to stay, to give it a shot, a try a do-over, you always end up getting hurt.
Even though you never show it, you put on that million dollar smile and get back to trying.
You try until it kills what's left of your will to live, your will to dream, your will to be the person you aspire to be.
You become less like an employee and more like a zombie.
You get up, get dressed, go to work, you wait for that magic hour; 5 o'clock, you go home.
You do it over and over and over, but you don't realize the compromise you've made.
That compromise to save a sinking ship; your marriage to your job, a kind of compromise that will poison your existence and take away not only your life, but every bit of feeling you have left.
So run like there's no tomorrow, run fast to the life you've always wished for.

Simplicity is what we truly lack in this complex world

We never want what's good,
we never need what's better
and we never long for what's best.
We only passionately crave
what kills us in that bittersweet,
slow motion.