i dreamt of you the other night
and woke up in tears
   i felt you
and the void in my heart
grew bigger
i saw the sadness in your eyes
the questioning of why i'd left you
   i felt it
and it tore me in two
and i haven't been the same since
i can't get you out of my mind
my head is filled with the sorrow
of not having you any longer
i want a replacement
   but i don't
i want you
back with me

if i could only turn back time
i'd stop my final closing of the latch
   on my suitcase
i'd make the call that said
   i can't make it this time
and i'd stay home with you
   be with you
   hold you
and cry when you finally left me
but feeling comfort in knowing
that i was there for you
   at the end
and that you were not alone
without the one that loved you most
without the one that you loved most

but i can't do that

so i suffer as penance
   i deserve this pain
   i'd let you down
   i wasn't there when you needed me most
and for that
     i am forever sorry.

You cast your name over
like silted reeds in the river,
on land
a thick covering of daub and wattle
sought your intention;
the wish to encase others in your space.
Such foolhardy fascination bears a cost,
like ubiquitous cochineal dye pools
Your dreams harbour barriers
as wide as your course strides permit,
the wilderness of banishment beckons
for as long as your  fortitude remains

'                          reflected flight:
heron's wings curve, touch
                           in autumn's kiss










'

of strained bones and cracked skin
bleeding lips and hued eyes
i stand here by you
hoping that
even after the hurricanes
you would still love me
and i would still
be loved

let the stars speak you said
and i weep
and thrash
vehemently
and painfully
because you are gone
destroyed
by my broken self
whom you tried
to save
from no other
than
i

little boy with dreams
that come crashing down
with a pink line
screaming "positive".