Peace where are you?
I am wondering around inside of my chest in search of air.
As my heart contracts I feel the jabs inside my ribcage.
What must I do to find my release?
I dream of sleeping next to you.
We share a bed and you hold me as though you have found home.
I wake only to find my back empty and cold.
**** it I hate all this.
I am so empty and just filled with anxiety.
What am I chasing?
Nothing brings me peace.
I am just looking in the wrong place.
Not in dreams with you holding me.
I need to keep searching within me.
Some where inside of my chest I will find release.

I wonder what you are doing.
Are you sleeping and if so are you dreaming?
Are you awake and if so are your thoughts drifting across state lines?
Either way I hope to meet you there.
Dreaming of oceans and stars with no end in sight.
Looking into each other's eyes grazing our hands down one another's face.
Feeling the gentle summer breeze.
Wondering how we managed not touching each other for so long.
Thoughts of what we didn't do in each other's presence.
All the words that should have been said.
Finally letting you know...
I was made from you.
We were created to understand miracles.
That flames indeed burn within.

I want to run away so badly.
Just end it with everyone.
I'm burning from my own mistakes.
I hate the person I become when you are around.
The reality is that I've never ment anything to you.
Hopefulness has taking me into the realm of delusion.
What is right I see as left.
Your eternal love is really a three minute panting and moaning fest.
How could I be so blind.
Well in truth I was viewing it all and I just wouldn't let go.
I knew it was wrong but I just didn't care.
I apparently don't love myself at all.
If I did you would have seen nothing and I would have remained as Mother Teresa.
So long it's time to grow up and outgrow you.
Let my new roots be firm and pure.

I knew I was in love when I could see you inside a kaleidoscope.
Safe and sound was how I felt around you.
I had never felt such ease to welcome the next day as I did when you woke me.
You were so tender with me.
Your caresses were so healing.
I never knew a person could make an entire city that I knew into something so magical.
I've been searching for you all my life.
I am so grateful that I once was able to sit across from you.
To have my eyes blessed to look into your beautiful eyes.
Eyes with such kindness and a hint of sadness.
I recognized myself in you.
I knew I was in love when I saw you inside a kaleidoscope.

I just can't anymore.
That's the truth.
I am so over the whole thing.
It's not you at all.
It's just me and my expectations.
I want to be free.
If you need something I will assist.
But who am I kidding when have I ever been any good.
I will disappear and no one will notice.
Why even bother?
Writing this is just a waste as well.
Nothing has meaning anymore.
I'm over it.
I need to be free.
I don't want to feel you anymore.

This really will be the last time.
I will just disappear without a goodbye.
Doubt it will make a difference.
I kept trying to prove my love.
What for?
I just ended up sinning with you.
I wasn't uplifting your soul but only dragging it down.
Lustful thinking was all we had going towards the end.
Pay for me so that we can sexually discover one another.
This is what we have come down to.
Selfish wants and needs.
My inner core is burning from humiliation.
I wanted something with meaning a solid friendship.
I was hoping for the impossible.
We just end up sinning.
The same patterns for over a decade.
Too much time and energy placed into this.
Suffocation and space is all I hear if I am not moaning after you.
Whatever little friendship we had is no longer.
Communication is poor.
Our last lifeline is burning down.
Make God a priority or else what I hold so dear will be what causes so much pain.
Letting go of my favorite sin.
So you and I have a chance of a happier hereafter.
Even in silence I am still trying to prove my love.

I'm so happy when I think of you!
You make my heart just soar.
To think a human being like you exists makes this tough world not so tough.
God really blessed me with you!
I didn't even know a love like this could exist.
My prayers for you are one of a kind.
I am envious of the walls that protect you and the people that get to see you.
What I would give to just be the air you breathe.

I have kept silent for so long.
You hate the one thing I love.
I won't ever stop being this.
Remaining under your roof has stunted my growth.
Not your fault just mine.
Convenience and comfort has too high of a price.
I have forsaken myself and now?
I am barely fighting to grow.
When will I just say enough?