“Winter Nights”
I put on my headphones and walk out
into the winter snow.
It is 12:00 at night and the streets are dark,
the snow is falling,
the lights are throbbing.
Perfect place for a walk.
Walking in a way is relaxing,
it finds a way of enveloping the moment.
Quieting the loud noises.
Those quiet nights that almost feel isolating.
There’s no one out,
no one except me.
The silence is almost deafening,
it allows me to hear the thoughts I had hidden.
So my mind crowds,
full on unspoken words,
and heavy sentences.
Each time I walk my feet feel heavier,
the weight of my own life
holding me back.
But I don’t stop.
I keep walking even if
it gets hard.
Each breath coming out more ragged
and I’m just counting down the minutes
until I make it home.
I stop,
when I feel I can’t no more.
I get down on one knee and
catch my breath.
The coldness of the wet snow
sneaks into my warm jacket.
I don’t know why
or how,
but I get back up.
Back on the same two feet that once
brought me down.
And I walk,
until I’m sore,
until I can’t no more.
I rise because I swore I would never let myself fall into the kind of silence that swallows me whole anymore.
Until I finally see light.
I run faster,
and faster.
Then I reach it.
The light is you,
it’s always been you.
Because during the darkest times,
you never moved.
It was me.