I lay in bed at night, imagining you next to me

You’re 634 miles away

And i know all you imagine is her in your arms

Why can’t i get you out of my head

Why can’t i accept that we won’t be more than friends

Why can’t i accept that you chose her over me

What does she have that i don’t

You said you loved me as a sister

𝘚𝘪𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘳

Not as anything more

Which i get because you like her

But i can only wish that it was me you liked… 𝘓𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘥.. instead

You always send me wings from heaven and hearts in the earth

Perhaps if I patch all the wings I’ve collected I could fly my way to you and we can pick up where we left off

I miss you for eternity

I’m never someone’s muse

I always write about everyone else but I never get a single word about me

I want to be seen

And not just with eyes but with art

My hair whips around like seaweed in the salty air

I stare out at the ocean and all my thoughts slow to a subtle current

I can’t help but wonder what will happen when I have to pry myself away from the ocean and back to the real world

What will my thoughts do?

Will they take over me like they have many times before?

Or will they stay at a subtle pace..

I know you both rather it just be you two

I can tell by the way you look at me

By the way you look at each other

By the way i walk away and you don’t follow

I’m trying my best not to pull away when i feel unwanted, but i feel gravity pulling me by my arm

Even as i dig my heels into the rugged ground to try and stay

I can feel the string that tethers us try to fray

I keep re-tying the knot

Over.. and over.. again

I want to stay

Please help me feel that way

I find myself doing things more thoroughly just so I can take my mind off you

Whether it’s by the way I bruh my hair or clean my room

By the way I brush my teeth and clean the dishes

I’m trying everything just so I can put my mind at ease

I look prettier in the dark

All my imperfections fade into the shadows and im left with what i want to see

I’m left with all that i am

A shadow

In another life, my world would be different.

I would live in one house, with two parents that love each other, and my one dog that deserved to live.

I would be caught up on school, have perfect teeth, and feel like the things i say would want to be heard.

I would have friends that lived nearby, and we would hang out almost every night till it was time to go to bed, and then wake up the next morning and do it all again.

The moral of the story is that if i could choose, my life would be different, but that’s not in this life, only in another.

You’re dead now

And life has never been the same

If anything its gotten worse

I feel empty..

Dead..

Here i sit in the back watching you two interact

I don’t want to feel this way but i do

You’re both carefree and happy as I’m just a spectator waiting for love

I lay in bed, staring at the ceiling as the hours tick by

1..2..3 am

I can’t sleep.

I toss and turn trying to find comfort, but its impossible

I can’t sleep.

I count to 126 trying to find fatigue, but its impossible

By 3:30 i manage to rest.

I wake at 11:00, almost noon..

Half my day is gone..

She said she can’t love you for more then two days

And yet you both still act like a couple

But if i were to love you, i would love you for eternity

I would love you every waking moment if you only gave me a chance

And the sad part is, i can never say that i love you more then friends

Because you love her

And she might love you

And i’ll forever be the third wheel

You will forever be the essence of my only sun.

I will love you till the day I die, I will say a prayer to you every night.

No matter the time of day I will always talk to you.

Every. Step. Of the way.

You are the essence of my sun  because you could bring the whole world to its knees with just your smile.

I would do anything to see you again..

And I hope you know that.

I crave physical touch.

I want to be wrapped in someone’s arms as i listen to the musical drum of their heart and the reverberation of their voice as they speak to another

I want to hold hands with the people i love and never let go in hopes that they’ll stay forever

We’re sitting here talking about my future

I’m dazing off into space

I’m not sure what i am

Or who i want to be..

I get told i don’t think

But I’m thinking right now

I think all the time..

Constantly my brain won’t stop

I’m writing these words down that come to mind to try and sort it all out but it won’t cease

I can’t stop thinking

Words are rushing onto the page like a pipe thats about to burst

I keep trying to patch the hole but more water seeps through..

More words.. seep through

Consuming my thoughts till it’s all that I’m made of

All that i think of