i loved you
the moment
i saw you

waited
for the girl
to grow up

to love you

in a world of men
you are an assassin

your
eyes
smile
youth
your weapons

learn how wield
and wear them

the love
and lust
you inspire
will topple
empires
and sovereigns

daddy
i can’t sleep
my mind is racing
with fear and anxiety
i need to be held
reassured
all will be well
i need a release
daddy
will you go down on me

i’m not done
haven’t finished
my recovery
or healing

you triggered
my addiction
tap into
my sickness

i wanted
needed
craved
your body

to be inside you
physically
mentally
emotionally

burn as one
eternally

I remember
the first time
I saw you
playing in a field
twirling round
and round
sun shining
in your hair
sapphire eyes
rose lips
bewitched
you knew
i’d fallen
in love
with you
would cherish
provide protect
put you
on a pedestal
be your daddy
and first lover

good morning
baby grrl
do you need
some attention
want to cuddle
yes you may
get into bed
snuggle up
put your head
on daddy’s shoulder
i’ll wrap you up
hold you tight
center of
my world

goth girl
wearing pastel
doc martens
and black leather
submit
voluntarily  
kneel before me
as your master
enslaves you
with this collar

bow down to women
your superior
admit it
deep down inside
you know men are inferior

always *****
hormonally driven
a slave
to their desire
whacking off
watching ****
chronically *******
for six hours a day

in modern times
men are useless
obsolete
it's a new age
of girl power
female *******
gynarchy

who is she
where is she
my mistress
my muse
who whispers
who shouts
in my ear
telling me tales
telling me stories
of secret fantasies
and ****** desires

i see the hunger
in your eyes
the flush
of ****** excitement
the hot arousal
boiling over into lust

is it time
that day
during the month
when you feel
the desire
for a man’s touch

lay with me
light my fire
i’ll pay attention
touch your hair
squeeze your *******  

climb on top
start the ride
rock it hard
till you scream
I wan to hear you
*** in ecstasy

collapse on me
hot and sweaty
and be held
in my arms
embraced
all night long

i miss you
i miss us
the look in your eyes
the love in your touch
sharing dreams
of raising kids
growing old
being together
for eternity

i miss
your naked body
thighs
spread wide
receptive and submissive
of me
being on top
dominating
looking into your eyes
legs wrapped
around me
kissing your breast
licking the sweat
tasting the salt
smelling your scent
your disheveled hair
i need to be inside
be one
connect
intimate
my ****
touching your lips
penetrating
sliding inside
your wetness
and body heat
arouse me

i’m the prize
try your hand
audition for me
like a dancing monkey
do stupid things
to impress me
see if i’ll pick you
to **** me

what is it sweetie
you want to snuggle and sleep with daddy

ok sweetie
as long as you promise
to be quiet and fall asleep

what is it sweetie
you can’t sleep
you want daddy to rub your tummy
if daddy does do you promise to fall asleep

ok sweetie
take off your nighty
daddy will rub your tummy
don’t make a peep and go to sleep

sweetie
stop moaning and squirming
your suppose to be sleeping

sweetie
no
daddy won’t pet your kitten
you have school tomorrow

sweetie
stop touching your kitten
bad girl
now look
you gave daddy
a *****

touch me **** me
i want to see feel experience
the intense ****** energy
of your inner *****

kiss me
deeply
slide your tongue
inside me
sway your hips
rhythmically
**** me hard
make me ***
little one

you were 15
i was 40
you were *****
i was lonely
you kissed
penetrated
consumed me

at dinner, across the table
you made your intentions, clear
you were, coming of age, awakening
a girl, consumed, with the desires, of a woman
i made an excuse, i needed air
you asked your mother, then followed
we walked, in the dark, on the ski tracks
our breathes, materializing, in the air
the flood lights, illuminating, the slopes
the cold, turning your cheeks, baby pink
you threw, a snowball, dared me, to catch you
running into, a field, of ******, snow
i chased, caught, and together, tumbled
as we kissed, in the snow

princess
you look so innocent
so sweet
wearing your dress
bare feet
painted nails
an anklet
clean
fresh
fertile
an angel
a nymph
let daddy touch
kiss your kitten

kitten
it’s time for bed
go brush your teeth
daddy will turn down your bed

come here
daddy will undress you
hop on the bed
let me take off your shoes
and slide off your socks
look at those pretty toes

stand up
put your hands up to the sky
there you go
let’s take off that sundress

oh how cute
your ******* have a little bow
i’ll slide them down
now step out
there you go
goodness kitten
you’re so petty
with no clothes

give daddy a kiss
mmm, kitten, you’re so sweet
now into bed you go
daddy will cuddle
and read you a story
and stay by your side
till you fall asleep

dance with daddy
wear your tutu
spin and twirl

hold his hand
arabesques

pirouette
into his arms
and heart

you’re his little
prima ballerina

i’m not
being a brat
no
i won’t
go to my room
and take a nap
you can’t force me
you’re not my daddy
i don't love you
go away

daddy
i’m sorry
i’m tired
will you
come take a nap
with your little

little one
it makes me sad
tears fill my eyes
i cry sob
scream why
innocent days
gone by

on your knees
look at me
i made you
don't forget
you're daddy's
favorite
little ****

i'm done
role playing

hold me
in your arms

i want to be
the little spoon
tonight

lonely
is the night
for a poet
writing of
but never being
loved

lonely
is the night
for a poet
writing of
love and
live
during
a pandemic

you're a woman now
now longer a child
but in my eyes
you are still
my little girl
twirling
dancing
in her pink
disney
princess gown

i miss
the intimacy
of when you were little
hugging
cuddling with daddy
under the blankets
watching sesame street
and eating
peanut butter
and jelly sandwiches

fading like dream
upon awakening
but never forgotten
two children
dreamt of
but never conceived
infinite tears
for little girls
never held or known
an endless sorrow
of expectant parents
wanting to be
their mommy and daddy

triggered by the pain
lost in addiction
endless tears
and shame
anything
so as not to feel
everything
to numb
the loneliness
and fear

i am manic
full throttle
God
please
make it stop

serotonin
syndrome
dopamine
exhaustion

save me
hold me
i'm afraid
of being alone

shut up
on your knees
did i say
you could speak

obey
surrender
feel the whip
who’s your mistress
*****

put on the collar
attach the leash
get on your knees
beg for mommy
that’s a good boy

are you *****
have an *******
bad boy
no *******
mommy’s leg
back in your cage

eat the alpo
i put in the bowl
isn’t it good
have some more

how does it feel
to be dominated
be my *****
loser boy

yes
baby girl
i swear
i will always
love you
and be there
protecting you
from the monsters
under the bed
and upstairs

mousy girl, sitting in the corner, of an american airlines’ lounge

staring out a window, watching it snow

waiting for a flight from frankfurt to dallas

so cute, so demure, how is a boy to resist you

long shiny hair, over sized sweats, black leggings, white keds

sitting crossed, over one leg, slightly bouncing nervously

occasionally catching my eye, then glancing away

are you flirting or just curious, i wish i knew

how do i approach you, what do i say

am i of interest or am i passe

do you know, you’re playing the part, of a little

do you need a daddy, someone to hold, protect you

make you feel special, loved, and cared for

cuddled, kept warm

kissed and touched, everywhere

chasing a fantasy
of an ideal
never to be seen
in this world
existing only
in my mind
personified
with pen and paper
and tears and liquor

Baby Girl: crying
Daddy: “What’s wrong Baby Girl?”
Daddy: “Are tired. Do you need a nap?”
Baby Girl: “No, I’m not tired. I don’t want to take a nap.”
Daddy: “Come here Baby Girl. Let Daddy give you a hug.”
Baby Girl: reluctantly walks into Daddy’s arms
Daddy: picks up Baby Girl and takes her to bed
Daddy: gently lays Baby Girl down on the bed
Baby Girl: “Daddy, don’t go, stay”
Daddy: gets into bed with Baby Girl
Baby Girl snuggles up against Daddy. Lays her head on his shoulder
Baby Girl: “Will you stroke my hair”
Daddy: softly strokes her hair, until Baby Girl falls asleep

yes, daddy, yes
*** for me
*** inside me
cause i’m
your little neko

Daddy: at his computer working
Baby girl: playing at Daddy’s feet
Baby girl: “Daddy, do you want to play”
Daddy: “Play what Baby Girl?”
Baby girl: “Play Kitten”
Daddy: “How do you play kitten”
Baby girl: “You sit on the couch. I put on neko ears, crawl on to your lap and purr. Then you pet me all over."

stop
projecting
imposing
your morality
judging me
while ignoring
your own
neurotic tendencies

your ego
fragile
brittle
and shattering
in the face
of reality

it ended so fast
unexpectedly
saturday morning
sitting on the couch
while drinking coffee

you wanted kids
now
your biological clock ticking
to get married
tomorrow
no planning
no prenup
gave me an ultimatum

we had fun
you were a great girlfriend
the quintessential party girl
you’d be a bad wife
a horrible mother

i said it’s over
said goodbye
got up
walked away
avoid a disaster

to love the woman
or nurture the child
am i your partner or father
for the night

overly educated
neurotic
uptight
high strung
feminist
soccer mom

you screamed
asked me
why i’d left
was a coward
for walking away

i got tired
of the nagging
petty fights
power struggles
emasculation

you aren’t feminine
nurturing
maternal
you have the body of a woman
but the mentality of a man

i was miserable
living with you
i left
to save my health
self respect
masculinity

am i your lover, and or, father figure
are you needing love, reassuring, paternal nurturing  
you chose me, like a stray, little kitten
needing shelter, safety, petting
i held, kissed, comforted
you curled up and purred
nozzled deeper, a woman, then a child
daddy, providing, protecting
his pretty, parisian, pixie girl

you’re a bad girl
a party girl
fuelled by drugs and alcohol
an ornament
forgettable disposable
just another
one night stand

daddy

pet me
softly
gently

show me
with your touch

how much
you love me

i don’t understand
i’m still reeling
from what happened
we never kissed
touched

it was all
in your glances
the yearning
come-hither
inviting me further

i wish
how i wish
we’d had more time
to kiss
touch
be intimate

i hurt
so much
when i think of you
i can’t stop
crying
imagining
all the possibilities
we could have had
together
pixie

technicolor psychedelic lost realities
kissing cats then and now stupid fantasties
hallucinating white and black invisible fairies
inspiration perspiration a little mushroom tea
falling listening monochromic shades or hues
mind bending red green jaded poets and ingenues

why did you do it
****** me
use your eyes
pout your lips
tilt your head
touch your hair
look up
smile
feign innocence

you knew exactly
what you were doing
didn’t you
pixie

power
in a relationship
lies
with
whoever
cares less