When my heart is full
It feels overwhelming
But cozy
At the same time.

It strikes suddenly.
As irrational laugher that causes fat droplets to squeeze out of your eyes,
Or appreciation for relationships
Probably pushed to the forefront of your mind
Through the slight tipsy haze of alcohol.

And I try to grasp that feeling
Try to clench my own heart, bursting, in my fist.
And when it inevitably takes flight,
I realise I do not mind at all.

She walked,
Alone, unseeing of the clamour behind her.
Cold, and bereft,
Yearning - for what?
She left. Just disappeared,
Cocooning further as hands
Invisible to her, tried to land
On her heart.

She often dreams of him
Or Him? Or even…. her?
Large hands, a soft mouth
Enveloping completely.

But
When the dream ends
And you are rudely, abruptly awakened:
Nothing is left
But silence.

Shame - guilt; embarrassment
Is not acute.
Sometimes it peaks
And washes over you

Sometimes it lingers
For days
For months
For years.

It reminds you
In every conversation, every television programme, every post
And what you once thought was initial,
Fleeting
Rears up again
Viciously.