I always thought I had green eyes,
they are blue.
Envy has discoloured them
and obscured my true view.
Having now matured;
trauma, aging, greying (audible gasp),
healing is happening
in ways not anticipated
nor valued at first.
But now I am embracing
my blue eyes to see new.

No need for shallow chest breath
I am safe
I can breathe through my belly
Deep, becoming regular
Soothing, smoothing, slowing

No need for organised thought
I am shielded
I can relax into this place
Calm, becoming gentle
Softening, swaying, sliding

No need for clock watching
Dali time only
I can exist, chrono-sheltered
Now, becoming ageless  
Melting, muting, morphing
Here…

A door with round window
Mellowing to Renoir-lens
Glossy, smudgy, charm
Hobbit-style architecture
Familiar, shire-y, amiable
Lit warm and soft

A brown carpet bag
Caressing the rich pile
Sturdy, salvaged, true
Tardis-like inner structure
Dependable holder, infinite
For weights and woe

Smooth, even, stone stairs
Descending in timeworn strength
Secure, bendless, cool
Delivering, guiding journey-way
To ease and mend

I tender-lift my bag
Zip open for a prize
On every step

Each stair a healing game
The bag a hungry friend
To hold my heavy goods
And bare them strong for me
As I descend

Step one is for fear
Two for screaming
Three for ache
    with blurred-out meaning
Four for panic
Five dark-dread
    that slither-twists through sleep in bed
If guilt is six
Then shame is seven
    long blame-soaked school without a lesson
Eight for pleading
Nine for weeping
Ten for wounds, and burns, and bleeding

The bag now zipped, trapped weights and woe,
is set down gently, as I go
All grateful heart, and kindess-eyed
Door opens as
I walk outside

Remember!
When the ground feels shaky
And things are falling skyward;
Peace is our gift, embrace it
with both hands.

The Australian bushland;
A menagerie of sound and life
Step back from distractions
And walk wild, rife.
Rekindle your inner animal
And free yourself; flee!

I wrap Your arms of love around me
Warmth fills my heart.
I breathe in deep.
Tears well up, knowing Your intimacy.

Love.
Your eyes are on me.
I am not alone.
I don’t need to struggle,
Because I have Your attention.

But do You have mine?
Please renew my mind,
So I can know the deeper things of You.
Love.

***** you, this is who I want to be!
Don't you make me out to be anything
or anyone I am not!
***** you with all your necessities,
your expectations and your strings.
This is me, breaking free fitting not in the slot.
***** you, misogyny!
I am throwing back your cheap ring
and letting the guilt go from its ransom knot.
Goodbye to the false dreams and realities,
Goodbye to the voice that couldn't sing,
And goodbye to the many selves, I am not!