Tonight I lie so restlessly,
Tossing and turning continuously,
But sleep evades me and I am left alone
With just my thoughts and views on the world that is unbeknown
To everyone and no one. I am just a child,
My perspectives so naive and completely wild.
It is silent here and there is nothing but shadows
To console me when I fall into my many sorrows.

The gentle breathing of another
Calls to the loneliness that comes to smother
Me in its troubles and its woes.
Why I feel so empty, no one but God really knows.
With dreams in a far away land,
I sit up and extend a tired hand
To open the curtain that is the barrier between
My world and the real world that I have so little seen.

When the sun is slumbering in the blanket of darkness,
The sheets are my only solid harness
To keep me from slipping into the life beyond
And the peace of which I am so fond.
When the city is resting after a busy day,
I long to just simply fade away
Into the dancing pattern of stars
That seem to soften the stain of the world's many scars.

I feel no fear when I look out there
At the city that has been stopped bare
Of its many facades, leaving only the calm
That was once handed down to is by the holy Lamb's palm.
The silence is no longer a fright
For our there in the beautiful light,
Shimmering and basking in the great light,
My friend, the moon, smiles down at me and protects this little-known sight
That I have come to love and hold so dear
Every night when sleep is far from near.

I killed a man.
I killed a man on that Sunday morning.
The morning the world worships the god of forgiveness.
But no god will forgive me
For the sin I committed
On that cold, cold Sunday morning
When I let darkness into my heart.

I killed a man.
I felt so much hate, so much power, so much wrath.
But I felt no guilt,
No sorrow for my theft.
Yes, I am a thief now,
A cold-hearted thief who stole a life.
Now I am a monster.

I killed a man,
With fingers hungry for blood,
With a voice unbeknown to man,
With hate burning in my eyes.
Yes, I killed a man.
I killed a fellow human.
But I was not human when I killed that man.
For that man...
He was my father.

I wonder many things
When I am left to my thoughts
The words in my mind
A never-ending book of sorts.

But there is one question
That burns through all I know
A fire drowning out the noise
A clutching hand that will never let go.

When will my time come?
Is it a day, a week, a year?
When will my life be gone and done?
I will always wonder when my end is near.

Who will remember my name?
Who will bury me in that grave?
What songs will they sing?
What church bells will they ring?
And would life still be the same?

It is fear that I feel
When I am left alone.
Fear that pushes my to look at my phone,
Checking for messages
That may be a goodbye.
Checking for messages
Before I have the chance..to die.

I wonder many things
When I am left to my thoughts.

But it is that image
Of a coffin and a grave
With me stuck inside
Of the boulder closing shut the cave.

And most painful of all,
Sat watching the fire start to fall,
My dear family and friends,
Waving to the life that fades
In the golden glow that the setting sun sends..

I have a question for you:
Do you know the brutal agony
That wrenches your heart asunder
When you have your child,
Your flesh and blood,
Torn viciously from you
As you lie helplessly in bed
Ignorant to the tormented crying of your baby?

I have a question for you:
Do you know the burning fury
That scorches and swarms in your soul
When someone you loathe
Can manipulate your every movement
As if you are a foolish juvenile?

Do you know the roaring beast of betrayal
That casts rotten, merciless shadows
Over every bleak thing
You lay your tortured, tear-pricked eyes upon?

Do you know the unrelenting guilt
That destroys every comfort you desperately seek
And drowns you in your own misery
When your entire family die
On your very conscience?

If so, then you are only
A few steps closer to
Understanding the torment
That grinds me up every night
Only to spit me out each morning
For the hell dogs I called my friends
To sniff at in disdain

You are only a few steps closer
To entering the churning,
Burning,
Thrashing
Sea that eats me whole
When the fragile walls around my happiness
Shatters into millions of pieces.

So I have a question for you:
Do you have a single clue
About the real world?

When the world has gone dark,
And the vultures have come
To pick our bones clean,
That is the day humans will struggle.

When the rivers have flooded,
And the sea is full of beasts
Hungry for food and prey,
That is the day fish will struggle.

When the lamp has died down,
And the ink has vanished
No longer drawn onto paper,
That is the day the writers will struggle.

But when you break my heart,
And leave me to pick up the pieces
That lie quivering on the ground,
That is the day I will crawl up
Into a ball of misery.
That is the day I will struggle
To breathe;
No air will be left in my lungs.
To eat;
No appetite will be left in me.
To sleep;
No dreams will be left in my mind.

Yes, that is the day I will struggle,
And only because of you.