It’s easier for you to judge,
you don’t live within these walls,
You don’t fight a daily battle to be heard,

Your eyes see what’s in front of them,
You only hear what’s said,
That’s two perceptions,
What about the third,

That’s the one that’s screaming out,
That struggles every day,
That cannot show or tell you what it’s like,

It overshadows everything,
With a reach that you can’t see,
It twists my ears,
Cast’s shadows on my sight,

I know at times I hurt you,
And I wish you’d see the truth,
sometimes it’s only right I do what’s wrong,

But just because I can’t show you the lyrics of my life,
Doesn’t mean you can not understand my song.

I don’t care about your colour
I don’t subscribe to the look of your face
Were all sisters and brothers and fathers and mothers,
Joined in the human race,
Open your curtains and turn on the news,
we’re surrounded by horror and hate
At a time when so much is so lost and abused,
Why are we ******* our fate,
Your gender your race your beliefs,
The choices that make you be you,
Are individually and perfectly great,
Because they’re completely and honestly true,
If we’re ethically and morally at war,
Then how will we ever move on,
We’re ruining what was given before,
Because we’re treating each other so wrong,
When your down or damaged or lost
And the noise of the world just blares,
Your not caring what barriers are crossed,
Your just grateful to know someone cares,
So people -  please look around,
See the person living inside,
Because if we all make just a small effort,
Then never again need we hide.

Occasionally a calmness comes over  me...
Slows the world to a momentary hesitance ...
It’s at those moments I look at you -
and see just how beautiful you are,
The gentleness of your heart,
The care in your eyes,
The sensualness of your tender lips,
I catch you unaware in that moment of stillness,
I love you in a way I can't explain,
Its completeness,...........
And then the silence is broken,
The moment is gone and I turn -
Making sure you don’t catch my gaze,
You don’t know that you're my moment of clarity,
That your the only thing I see when the world hesitates.  
I think it’s you that makes time miss a step.

Sometimes my words fill  your empty mouth,
My strength gets you up on those difficult days,
And my hope helps to carry you through,
Because I love you,
Sometimes it doesn’t,
Sometimes none of me reaches any of you,
Rejection and isolation become your sustenance,
On those days ...... I love you,
At times your eyes spark with the thought of a future,
We drink and we dance,
We **** and we forget,
They’re my favourite days by far,
We love those days together,
And once in a while it all becomes too much for you,
You can’t see a way out of your own darkness,
Everything in your head gets louder -
      and drowns out the hope you had,
Those are the days I fear,
I’m sorry I don’t have the answers,
You said you wished I could fix you,
But I can’t ......... fix you,
I can’t fix you because your not broken,
Your not lost or alone,
You have depression,
We live with your depression,
We relish the good days and fight through the bad,
We live for the moments and deal with the downs,
But your not broken my sweet,
Your you,
Depression Is part of you right now,
We can’t fight this battle with a heart of hate,
We win this war with acceptance,
We accept that some days you will need my words,
Or my strength or my hope,
Because every day I need you,
All and every part of you.
My heart burns so bright for you,
A single flame but enough to shine a light in your darkness,
Sometimes I wish things were different,
That you didn’t feel this pain,
Sometimes I wish I could carry it for you,
But I’m thankful,
I’m thankful that I have you as you are,
Rather than not having you at all,
Because I love you,
And I’ll always shine in your darkness.

I write despite the growing night,
For the fight inside my mind,
My words succumb to a litany run,
It’s a solace that I find,

Shallow breath,
I dance with death ,
For twisted inspiration,
Pushing back the limits for my selfish liberation,

I laugh and cry,
And try and try,
Yet nothing feeds my paper
Dizzy from the taste of pride,
Tired of this Labor,

Giving in and giving up,
Surrendered to the storm,
I’m the author of my slaughter,

Which of me do you think you know,
The subtle or the sad,
The one that’s deep and sultry,
Or the one that’s loud and mad,
The me that mutters lost in thought and stresses over life,
Or the me that deals with everything,
The trouble,  stress and strife.
There’s another me that no one sees,
The me that keeps me right,
The one I keep all for myself,
That’s hidden in plain sight,
The me that reasons out the fear and keeps an even keel,
That chains my madness to my core when life becomes to real,
So many me’s I must contain all echoes of myself,
Are you the same behind your name,
Is there more than just yourself.

I am the author of my slaughter,
And I write to be reborn.

**** those that **** and forgo the contradiction,
Steal the life of a thief in return,
Put the ****** in side for his cell mates to ride,
And watch the arsonist burn,
Ironic I feel maybe even surreal,
This justice we love to betray,
Pieces and pawns played out on their lawns,
Oh look how the gods love to play.

The higher I soar,
The harder they pull at the harpoons -
        snared in my wings,
They dare not let me be seen,
For the hope that I represent,
But so blind are they at the leash,
For I’m not seeking my escape,
I’m only trying to lead them to freedom.

Sometimes terrible things just happen,
The worst you can imagine,
A nightmare coming real,
The fear you wished never to feel,
Sometimes we just don’t have a choice,
At times no one hears our voice,
Our cry for help falls on deaf ears,
Things fall apart after many years,
There’s no excuse no reason why,
It’s never fair for one to die,
It’s never right to break a heart,
Families should never break apart,
A child should never be abandoned,
No one should break the 5th commandment,
The young should never feel ashamed,
The wild in us should not be tamed.
But It happens everyday,
In a whole myriad of ways,
We shouldn’t let it **** our passion,
Sometimes terrible things just happen.

She cried so hard for one so young,
Tears flooded where she lay,
Mummy and daddy were being ripped apart,
Her little hopes were being washed away,
She was told to get up that they had to leave,
She knew it wasn’t good,
Confused and scared she grabbed her dolls,
From the dresser where they stood,
She didn’t know what they’d done to each other,
Daddy’s eyes looked so sad,
She trembled with guilt at seeing them suffer,
Gone was the strength he’d had,
Mummy too looked scared and hurt,
And reached to lead her outside
She held on tightly to her mummy’s shirt,
And heard her say “I’ve tried”
She stopped at the door not knowing which way to go,
How could she leave either one,
Her dad was her hero and all that she knew,
Yet she couldn’t leave her  mum,
The both looked at her with pleading eyes,
Too young to feel so torn,
She wished she was back inside her bed,
Safe and loved and warm,
She couldn’t move - how could she choose,
She turned and ran inside,
She ran back up towards her room,
And found a place to hide.
Daddy had said if she closed her eyes,
Made a wish and blew,
That if she really really wanted it -
Her wish might just come true.

Please don’t tread upon our faith
Or pay the ferryman till’ its safe,
We’ve been the blind now let us be the worthy,
The fractured thoughts we hid away,
In the place we weren’t allowed to say,
We’re older now and deserve our share of mercy.
To share the truth that’s on our mind,
The ones we prayed no one would find,
To put an end to this abusive monster,
Because our silence just condones,
The beast that hid our broken bones,
Who stole our innocence for which to squander.
No more whispers in our eyes,
No more living with these lies,
It’s time the public get to see behind the curtain
It’s time to free our chains of youth,
Explain why we’re misunderstood,
And unload ourselves from this eternal burden.

It consumes me whilst I’m in here,
It feeds from within,
I’m not sure if it’s a crutch that holds me up,
Or a cover that keeps me safe,
But I feel it every day,
Every second of every hour it’s here,
Suggesting and resenting,
Whispering and venting,
It’s affects my physicality,
It makes me feel larger,
Foreboding,
It contorts my features to show its hate,
It scares me but I’m not scared of it,
I accept it because it’s mine,
It’s the only thing I own which no one else can get,
Its all I have in here and I need it to get me through,
My hate,
My loathing,
My vengeance,
The only thing i pray for ,
The one thing I wish to find,
Is that when my time is up,
I can leave this hate behind.

In my darkest times I yearn to bleed,
It’s what I need for this hate to be freed,
One slow gentle cut just enough to shut -
Out the pressure inside from which I’m desperate to hide.
Just a trickle of blood that feels like a flood,
A tsunami of hymns bleeding my sins,
It’s a silent addiction,
A poetic affliction,
Just a nick here and there,
It’s not like anyone cares,
One slow gentle cut just enough to shut-
out the voices I hear that fill me with fear,
Just to feel the release of that beautiful peace,
Just the smallest of cuts,
Just to deal with this crux.
I’ve tried and I’ve prayed but these feelings won’t fade,
I’ve ran out of options all I’ve left is this blade,
Don’t judge me don’t sneer,
Unless you’ve been here your won’t know what it’s like,
It’s a hopeless fight,
One slow gentle cut just enough to free -
        all this hate inside that’s killing me.

If you ******* madness you’ll choke on my fears,
Acidic black is the hue of my tears,
My will is a parasite that burrows deep,
And if it finds your soul then It’s mine to keep.
Don’t play with me you insolent child,
My mood is neither gentle nor mild,
6-6-6 is the mark of my number,
Speak it thrice and I’ll awake from my slumber,
If you dare they’ll be no turning back,
All that you are will be riddled with black,
You’ll feed on animosity from within the air,
And live the atrocity I perpetuate there,
There is no hiding if you waken me,
There’s no where to run because no one will see,
I’ll hunt in your mind in your senses and dreams,
They’ll be no sign of me but for that of your screams,
Be warned here and now Child of the light,
Before you commit to an endless night,
Before you turn to the hordes of the mad,
Ask yourself,
Is life really that bad.

I watched an old man plant a tree,
Then describe how beautiful it would be,
Knowing he wouldn’t be alive to see,
And that resonated with me,
Because it was such a selfless act,
It really was as simple as that,
Nothing more than a matter of fact,
I wasn’t sure how to react,
The peace that he had found,
I found it stunningly profound,
He looked at me and frowned,
And said “It’s just a seed I’ve put to ground”
In that moment it was clear,
It put into context why we’re here,
His words were genuinely sincere,
So much so I leaked a tear,
But that simple act it taught me such,
That we use life like a crutch,
Like measured time we dare not touch
Of what remains we fear too much,
He wasn’t bothered by what’s to come
It would be like worrying about the sun,
Which will rise and set when the day is done,
Regardless of what we may become,
So from the old man I took this
Life is short and livings bliss,
Don’t worry about the things you’ll miss,
Or you lose the chance to enjoy all this,
What is true will come to pass,
So enjoy life to the last,
Because too soon becomes the past,
Our time on earth goes by so fast.

The fear of acceptance is my greatest denial,
It weighs down on me like an anchor of hesitance,
Yet my face is the epitome of self confidence,
I’m the one they think has no care’s,
It’s me that they say they wish they were more like,
But I wouldn’t wish these feelings on any of them,
I’m a hypocrite hidden in plain sight,
I affirm the strength that others should have,
And promote self belief,
I even champion confidence,
When all along my chants are my own solitary cries,
Screaming out in desperation to shun this weight I carry,
I replay every encounter in my head,
Analyse each conversation,
And obsess on every possible outcome,
But my camouflage of illusion means no one can tell.
I’m continuously assessing opinions,
I’m a student of expression,
Looking for the smallest signs,
Reading every response and extracting a multitude of meanings,
Trying to tell what everyone thinks of me,
I’ve worn this mask so long,
So long that even I no longer know what I look like,
Im scared to remove it,
I don’t think I can,
My mask has become part of me,
As I’ve become masked in my secret,
If only I could be on the inside,
That which you see on the outside,
Then I wouldn’t have to hide.
I want to be more confident,
Maybe not care so much what others think,
Is this today’s obsession,
Aren’t we all pretending about something,
At least trying to pretend,
Or is it that we’re just pretending to try .......?

Looking around our old apartment,
Is like visiting a place from my childhood,
Familiarity hanging on the remnants of a memory,
Your favourite seat by the window,
Where the sun would refract off the glass,
And kiss across your eyelids turning them gold and red,
Now it’s just a space,
Frustratingly vacant,
Everything here reminds me of you,
And it hurts,
A deep aching hollow pain,
It’s endless,
The memory’s taunt me,
I don’t want to be like this,
To wallow in self pity,
I don’t want your death to be all about me,
Because you made me so happy,
Now I feel like I’m betraying that,
Live life you used to tell me,
The tattoo on your shoulder -
“Love is living life to the full.”
Now your not here,
Your nowhere,
And I’d rather be no where with you,
Than anywhere without you.

I’m scared of the voice in the pulpit,
Not the frowns shining through the stained glass,
The gargoyles smirk at the secrets that lurk,
Of the brazen that preach through a mask,
I live in the care of this chapel,
This place that once I adored,
But I pay dearly when everyone’s gone,
I’m told it’s a penance I owe to the lord,
Safety calls out from the crypt,
The one place where I won’t be found,
Hidden here my sins can’t be stripped,
As long as I don’t make a sound,
I’ve surrendered myself to my fate,
To the fumbling sweaty ordained,
Because this is all that I have,
A sanctuary to which I am chained.

Maybe one day you’ll achieve everything,
But today be happy with something,
So many people have nothing,
And some have no one,
At least you have someone,
So whilst you focus on wanting everything,
That someone is waiting for something,
And maybe that something is everything in the someone who thinks they have nothing.

Clever more are those of kind who use truth to spin their lies ,
Evil cast are those we find who hide behind their eyes,
Swift to judge and true to form you beguile those in your care
Haunted in your own pretence you are the devils snare,
I need no Puritans allure to tempt you to your fate,
The great deceiver  well you be but your deceit has come too late,
For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood,
we fight against the rulers,
Those who set your leash away,
The condemned that tried to fool us.

Hopeless helpless chained to the clock
Watching the minutes pass,
Minutes turn to hours turn to days
Pain going insane leaving me in shock,
I’d no idea how heavy absence weighs,

The silence is loudest in the middle of the night,
When your pallor echoes a deathly white,
An eerie scratch comes from the corner,
The calling card of the dead performer,
You plug your ears to drown the sound
The rising terror knows no bounds,
But the scratching gets louder and closes in,
You dare not move in your quilt coffin,
It’s next to your bed and you feel its breath,
The stench of rotten that comes from death,
A chilling scream from the puppeteer,
It wakes you in the midst of fear,
A desperate second to catch your bearing,
Sitting up confused and staring,
You realise everything is fine,
The nightmare hasn’t won this time.

I’m addicted to the afflicted
You could even say I’m twisted,
We talk in metaphors and slang,
Wanna join our crazy gang,
We’re not self conscious or refined,
More uninhibited you’ll find,
Theres no filters when we speak,
We’re just a bunch of freaky freaks,
If your in a wheelchair or blind as a bat,
Skinny minny or gorgeously fat,
You can have a limp a wink or a scar,
We’ll just accept you as you are,
If its a mental state your on,
Then hitch a ride and come along,
And those who come from a life of sin,
I find are always a mystery within,
Come and hang pull up a chair,
Even freaks like us can care,
We don’t judge condemn or cry,
And we’ll never ask you why,
So when next you see an afflicted,
Just Remember that we’re gifted,
And if you are a crazy fan,
Then come and join our gang.

Why do people worry for me,
They fear that I’ve been through so much,
With my past and my scars,
But my scars are my battle stories,
Each one tells a tale of survival,
So I wear them with pride,
The blows I took never killed me but made me stronger,
And the names they called me only served to harden my resilience,
Really there’s no reason to be concerned,
I have been through so much and yet here I stand,
Because I am a survivor,
I don’t fear the future,
Because I am a survivor,
I am not defined by my experience,
Because I have chosen to be who I am,
Despite of what I’ve been through,
I am a survivor,
Look at what I have become,
Pity my past but don’t pity me,
Because I am proud to call myself a survivor,
And I will continue to survive,
Larger and louder than the life that has tried to tame me.

The nightmare came again
I froze in fear,
Praying that the dark wouldn’t notice me,
Barely breathing,
Too afraid to look round,
Rigid,
I held my breath,
Sweat beaded on my brow,
I waited,
Prayed,
Seconds felt like minutes,
............
Instantly the fear came over me like a gut churning sickness,
It knew I was there,
I didn’t need to know how,
I could feel it,
I tried to run but my legs were stuck,
Like they were in slow motion,
I summoned all my strength but still they barely moved,
I felt the impending hatred,
The fear closing in,
My panic grew,
My eyes widened,
Every muscle in my body strained,
I screamed but it was barely a whisper,
Despair flooded me,
Dread consumed me,
Submission overtook me,
Then nothing.
My nightmare won this time.

Your the architects of your own oppression,
Surrendered in fear from the threat of aggression,
Collaborating to salvage the scraps,
Living in squalor between the gaps,
Your empowered people from your loyal elect,
Exploit you and treat you with disrespect,
We cannot fathom why you live this way,
We don’t understand the games you play,
We’ve shared our knowledge in an open embrace,
But you refuse to share it with the rest of your race,
Even now as your planet dies,
Your greed is the blindfold that covers your eyes,
You aren’t the first that we have found,
That walks across their dying ground,
Though you may be the last that will ever be,
Unless you have an epiphany,
I will return when all is done,
When the crescent light shines from the blackened sun,
But for now I must tend to matters at hand,
To other planets on the cusp of being ******.

Be the light that shines in me,
A glimmer of stability,
Be the hope that carries me,
Protects my vulnerability,
Be the fight that lives in me,    
My unpredictability,
Be the truth that teaches me,
Show me my own humility,
Be the dark that frightens me,
Shatters my tranquility,
Be the fear that threatens me,
And cures my instability
Be the one that honours me,
With your eligibility,
Be the one that’s there for me,
Aligned in synchronicity,
Be my eyes through which I see,
Be my deepest clarity,
Be everything you need to be,
But most of all,
Love me.

Why are we - the great creation causing so much devastation,
The intimidated nature of an implicated nation,
There's too much plastic in our oceans,
And Palm oil in our lotions
Our fixes are shortsighted for a world that’s been so blighted,
Is anyone concerned that we never seem to learn.
How much longer can we last,
How much fuel is left to burn.
We call this a democracy which really means hypocrisy -
of a convoluted prophecy which is actually bureaucracy,
The masses keep on moving always scared of what their losing ,
Thinking that they’re choosing when In fact they’re just abusing.
Have we triggered our demise, can you hear the planet cry,
Does no one give a **** or ever think to question why,
Should we not try to transition from our terminal condition,
What’s the point of this admission if we’ve lost sight of ambition.

I never know whether to listen or hear,
Step away when you cry or be catching your tear,
Flood you with love or play hard to get,
Be annoyed when it’s hard or turned on when it’s wet,
I struggle to juggle the feelings I feel,
To know if my thoughts are imagined or real,
To give you enough or take what you need,
To think that your trapped or know that your freed,
Am I overthinking or under thought,
Is it better to fight,
Or is that why we fought,
Should I always be honest and tell you the truth,
Or would that be naive and slightly uncouth,
I don’t want to lose you or force you to stay
I over analyse all that you say,
I know it’s crazy it’s *******,
I don’t even know if I should show you this.
This is the truth of what’s in my head,
During the day and laid in my bed,
This is inside of my anxious mind,
This is the wall that I hide behind.

I was broken when we first met,
Chewed up and spat out.
You could see my damage from a mile away,
Who wouldn’t the state I was in,
But you were drawn to it,
Attracted to my vulnerability,
Too my brokenness,
We dated,
I was hopeless,
I was a whirlwind of tears and tequila,
Yet you never judged me,
In fact you moved me in with you,
And you showed me endless patience,
You used your love to slowly close my wounds,
Your faith to stem my bleeding soul
And your strength to rebuild my heart,
Your confidence carried me,
You let me relish in your peace,
Feel safe in your protection.
You never rushed me,
You were just happy to help me,
You gave me you so I could be me,
I owed you so much,
I would of given you anything.......
And then you stopped.
Just like that .... You stopped.
I don’t know what changed you but you changed,
You set about tearing new wounds in me,
You became the hate that broke my heart,
And you used your strength to try and take back all the confidence you had given me,
You were the child who’d break his toy to stop anyone else from enjoying it,
Only I wasn’t  your toy to break,
I refused to be broken again,
I took your strength once because you offered it,
Hell I may well of needed it,
But know this,
It was my choice.
Just as I now choose to reject your hate,
*******,
******* to hell and back.
I chose to let you help me and I loved you for it,
But it wasn’t a debt you can call in,
That’s where you went wrong,
Thinking I owed you,
When I became strong enough that I didn’t need your strength,
You stopped wanting me and started hating me,
And now I realise you never actually loved me,
You loved helping me,
Being my knight in shining armour,
It was never about you and me,
It was always about you.
And it will only ever be about you.
I only have this to say to you...
THANK YOU.
Thank you for reminding me how strong I can be,
Thank you for giving me the time to piece myself back together,
And thank you for showing me the difference between love and need,
I loved you for you but you just needed me for yourself.
So thank you,
And *******.

When my breathless body returns to the earth from which it came,
Let it be known that I tried,
In the face of damnation,
With the manacles of propriety digging deep into my flesh,
And the corpulent greed of the contumacious seeping from every open door,
Let them say that I tried,
Inside this strident existence that we call our own,
Where the fastidious prey on the guileless,
I just wanted to be a luminous beacon of intransigent truth,
A munificent solace for those In need,
I just wanted one zealous moment to make a difference,
And as the remnants of me powder and dust into the soil in which I lie,
Let at least one person say that my life was worthwhile,
That my existence was heuristic,
Because if I am to become just another sorry loss,
An echoed memory only deserving of a sorrowful after thought,
Then what was it all worth,
And more so,
Why then would anyone else bother.
Because if we cannot make a difference,
Then I would rather not be remembered at all.

It’s dark and I’m tired,
Eyelids are fired,
Running red to a blur,
Speech is a slur,
Insomnia scratches,
Brain starts to fracture,
Silence gets louder,
I reach for more powder.
I’m absorbed in this state,
Playing tag with my fate,
Don’t care if I fall,
Couldn’t care at all,
Just keep softening the blow
Lost in the flow,
Staying just out of reach ,
From the voices that preach,
Inside of my head,
Inside of my bed,
Where everything’s distant,
And everything’s red.

My whole world changed in an instant,
Everything I knew just stopped......
Frozen in stasis,
The whole world could of stopped for all I knew,
But I didn’t,
I felt completely alone in the stillness of the moment,
The panic crawled over me like a dark hood being pulled over my head,
Voices became distant,
My head started to spin,
The realisation hit me that nothing would ever be the same again,
That everything I thought I knew was changing,
Tainted suddenly because it was before this moment,
It terrified me,
But the fear was already giving way to hopelessness,
I felt familiarity slipping away,
Totality engulfed me,
The moment seemed like an eternity,
I felt my heart beating within myself,
I could hear my blood pumping through my veins,
I was blinded by everything I could see.
..........
This was my defining moment,
The point at which all of me hangs in the balance,
My past my present and my future,
This was the moment I feared most of all,
The one I had always kept suppressed,
Every word spoken was like a nail into the coffin of my being,
The sound of those 5 words ripping my life from existence,
I felt the drawn out finality of every letter,
As my ears bled to their release,
My soul screamed in muted defiance,
But still the words came,
Those 5 words that changed everything,
.........
.........
There’s been a terrible accident.

Shed your fears onto me and let them wash away your sins,
The sacrifice of your innocent youth can free your yearning soul,
I am not the contempt that you were warned of,
I am the desire in your heart bound by your ****** veins,
I have felt your thoughts darken to where I reside,
Do not hide them from I that feeds you,
You know the thoughts I talk of,
The blackest ones,
The ones that dismay your very purity,
That scare your very being for fear that they should somehow leak out,
I know those thoughts,
I know them all too well,
Why torment yourself so,
Hiding behind masks of skin and secrets,
None of you speak truth,
Only that which liars deem prove you worthy,
But none of your kind are truly worthy,
How can you be when denial is your greatest strength.
I can ease your shallow burden,
If you will only let me,
I will lift the burden of living from you,
And free your desires from the  weight of circumstance,
You will be born again,
Never to know the manacles of your misconstrued life,
A moment with me will be an eternity without inhibition,
Come join with us,
Release yourself,
Be all that you can be.

We are the broken resolution of a long past execution,
In our search for absolution we find misguided retribution,
I’m not an atheist by choice,
But I can‘t find one true voice,
Which makes it hard for me to feel,
That any single choice is real,
Sometimes we’re blind to see what’s true,
But then the truth is overdue,
Can you really change the world,
Because the world can sure change you,

We teach our young they’re  free to choose,
And then condition all their views,
Because their only hope to win,
Is by accepting that they’ll lose,
I’m just an optimistic realist,
A lyrical theorist,
I don’t force the lines I write,
I just accept they have to be this,

So we write we sing we preach,
Hoping like minds we can reach,
Because our mediums our weapon,
In this world if indiscretion,
We’re the star within the night,
The loudest voice within the fight,
It's a war for our salvation,
A war that’s of our own creation.

They look to me for what to do,
For where to stand and when.
They look to me for what is true,
But fail to see their men.
I’m no one of great standing,
I’ve done things they’d dare not dream,
I’ve been places that they’d dare not go,
And I’m glad they’ve never been.
Yes it’s you, yes it’s me, but for once just let me be,
I’m not a piece of each of you, you own.
I’m not the missing link, every time you have to think,
I’m not the only one around when your alone.
All I do is feel entwined, within myself you look to find,
All the things you think you need to do things right,
Just take the time to think things through,
And think what’s really best for you,
Because the answers are all hidden in plain sight.
At times just think how I might feel,
Remember my life’s not surreal,
I need someone to turn and talk with too,
But if I’m spending all my time,
Making sure others are fine,
Then tell me when I turn, who is it too.
The fact I carry on like this and let so many take the ****,
Is because we all need someone who is there.
Someone to talk to and to trust,
Who’ll give us bread and not the crust,
We need someone who’ll genuinely care.
It’s too late now to dry my tears and to say “you know I’m here”,
It’s too late now to say “you should have said”,
Because it’s only from this rhyme that you realise with each line,
Everything you’ve just this second read.

You are the summoned incarnation from the depths of my damnation,
Bound to my imagination,
The persona of my true salvation,
You give me strength and make me whole,
And feed the pyre that lights my soul,
A shade of me that makes no sound,
But enough to see the truth inbound,
They’ve called my darkness from its sleep,
So let their wife’s and daughters weep,
Until I find out where they hide,
And force my summoned deep inside,
For this will be their purgatory participation is obligatory.
This is how it has to be,
The price they pay for mocking me.

Broken glass,
Fractured light,
Cascading tears,
Pointless fight,
Vicious hurt,
Frightened pain,
Desperate breath,
Panicked blame,
Blood stains burgundy
This is our goodbye,
Clarity comes perfectly
Save the tears you cry,
Devastating,
Intoxicating,
The gates to which I’ve been waiting,
Blinding light,
Eternal sight,
I won’t be coming home tonight.

It’s you I call to in my dreams,
To pull me out from the fear I’ve seen.
The ones that hold me in captured fright,
When slow motion kicks in,
And my screams are no more than wheezing murmurs,
When my thoughts are running faster,
But my motions slow to a crawl,
Drawing out the torture of the moment,
But this time you don’t hear my strangled call for help,
Maybe my will isn’t strong enough to transcend,
From this dream state at this time,
God help me if I have to see out this nightmare,
I focus and force my broken earthy plight across the dream dimension,
Desperate to reach the woken world,
But still you don’t save me,
The nightmare encroaches,
The panic builds within me,
I choke,
There's no sound from me,
Which means you won’t know to wake me,
The impending realisation hits me like final last words,
My frightened whisper rasps and splutters,
I hear an old line in my head -
If you die in a dream then you die in real life...
My panic turns to savage rage and I scream,
I scream in defiance for I won’t be broken here,
I scream in the face of all my fears,
I scream so strong and loud,
That I tear a rip in the fabric separating my dream and reality,
It doesn’t slow my impending fate,
It ebbs closer still and I feel the acrid warmth wash over my face,
Just as I release my last defiant scream,
You reach for me,
Like an anchor reaching through the depths,
Pulling me back,
Shaking me awake from behind,
Everything fades in an instant as you pull me out of my slumbered suicide,
You heard me through the hole I made,
I open my eyes to the safety of familiarity,
Back in my bed,
My safe bed in my own room,
Next to you,
My night saviour,
But then,
As familiar reality surrounds me,
I look back and still see my dream,
For a second,
Just a moment,
My fear has followed me into my reality,
Through the tear I made to save myself,
Both worlds momentarily co existing,
Real fear grips me as I realise in that moment ,
The protection from the woken world has faltered.
Everything stops,
My heart stops,
Time stops,
I stare into the abyss for what feels like an eternity,
Then you speak and your words are like silver light,
And just like that,
Fear is gone,
Are you ok you ask,
Everything is normal again,
I’m fine I say,
Go back to sleep,
It was just a night terror.

How can a faith forge a nation,
When it’s built on desolation,
shouldn’t it be a celebration of a people’s revelation,
The truth is it’s a lie,
It’s a handcuffed alibi to pacify and satisfy the lies they yearn to glorify,
It makes me sick to hear their claims,
It makes the blood boil in my veins,
The killings in the name of forged belief,
To curse the many that are true,
And create a hate that will pursue,
Then bathe yourself amidst the tears of all their grief.

Is it wrong to write of Adams fight with Eve, after she took Abel,
I don’t wish to blaspheme but the serpent seen what she did at the foot of Gods table,
It led to a fight of biblical might,
With earthquakes tsunamis and lightning,
And Eve knew right then that the world of men would be both confusing and frightening.
Adam asked why she looked to the sky to ask for guidance and wisdom,
“Surely it’s I that’s due father’s reply,
Am I not a worthy victim”
Then came a voice of infinite choice,


“Be still and listen to me,
All that you do involves more than just you,
There’s a whole world that one day will see,
It will see how you cower, how you rise up and tower over those whom you think that you own,
But this road that you follow is lonely and hollow and will leave you lost and alone,
Your an example of choices to those without voices,
They’ll write books about all that you preach,
Let history show so the future will know,
That you’re essence is the proof that I teach.”

Just trying to get past yesterday before dismay leads me astray ,
Im struggling to get away from all these twisted games you play,
Its manipulation by interrogation it’s your medication for my segregation,
The explanation of your dedication is a demonstration of your reputation,
It’s mental torture,
Pure abuse that slowly tightens like a noose,
Its a pain that hides beneath the nights of tortured lies and vicious fights,
You have the power to articulate which allows you to intimidate,
But you manipulate to illustrate that I’m the one that’s ill of fate.
It’s survival in a hated state,
Using me as tempted bait,
You have to know it’s time to go,
Before it ends up being too late.

Open those arms of yours,
Wide unto the sky,
And fly,
Fly away,
Away from all the pain,
From those who make you anxious,
Let the wind strip all your worries from your soul,
Glide through the clouds on the crest of a current,
Now look down,
See how small all the fear really is,
Look how unimportant they are in the grand scheme of things,
See how you rise above it all.
Flying high,
When your ready,
Open your eyes,
And gift them with your presence,
But never forget how high you can soar.

wM

A test to thee my children three,
Of imagination, mind and soul,
For each of you I bare a gift,
That in turn will make you whole,
To you my first I show a sight,
A wonder to behold,
See the changing colours,
It’s a view that won’t grow old,
Next to you my daughter,
Close your eyes,
Your gift is song,
Let the sounds evoke your deepest soul,
Take you back to where we’re from.
And last for you my youngest,
The most precious gift I call,
I give to you a poem,
The culmination of it all,
When you read the words and close your eyes,
You can imagine your own scene,
Then layer it with your sonnet,
The likes of which there’s never been,
See poetry is magical,
It comes without restrain,
You add the pictures, sound and feelings,
You choose the laughter,  joy and pain.

I want you to show me,
I need to see,
I have to believe this is bigger than me,
My eyes are open,
Hungry for sight,
Desperate to know there’s a point to this fight,
I don’t speak for the masses,
This one’s for me,
I need you to show me,
Please let me see.

wM

I cant help but cry,
Your all I can see when I close my eyes.
Though it’s causing me pain,
I listen to your voicemail over again,
It won’t make things better,
But I can’t stop breathing in the smell from your sweater,
Your cup’s on the side,
I can’t bare to wash it,
I can’t bare that you died,
Your mum wants to see me ,
She’ll want to talk about you,
But I don’t want to talk because it will make it all true,
Your friends are sending messages,
But all they are doing is adding to my helplessness,
I can’t carry on,
Everything’s broken and it’s all going wrong,
So many why’s,
Why your all  I can see when I close my eyes.

wM