I cant help but cry,
Your all I can see when I close my eyes.
Though it’s causing me pain,
I listen to your voicemail over again,
It won’t make things better,
But I can’t stop breathing in the smell from your sweater,
Your cup’s on the side,
I can’t bare to wash it,
I can’t bare that you died,
Your mum wants to see me ,
She’ll want to talk about you,
But I don’t want to talk because it will make it all true,
Your friends are sending messages,
But all they are doing is adding to my helplessness,
I can’t carry on,
Everything’s broken and it’s all going wrong,
So many why’s,
Why your all  I can see when I close my eyes.

wM

I’m not stuck,
whilst everything around me is wrong,
Im moving on,
Just preparing the next step,
Actually planning when It will start,
Just not now,
But it’s fine because I am smart,
I’ve got it all figured out,
So I’m not actually stuck,
I’m not falling apart,
And that’s not an excuse,
Its all part of my plan,
It’s being in limbo I really can’t stand,
But at least I’m not stuck,
Because that would be awful to be,
I’d be making excuses,
Hoping that no one would see,
That that’s really me.
I’m not stuck.

wM

You may wear the skin of an angel,
But inside your the essence of death,
I have seen into your eyes,
And tasted your bitter lies,
Seen the destruction you portray as delight,
Felt the pain of your continuous fight,
Your violence doesn’t flow from your fists,
It spouts off your twisted tongue,
Burrows deep inside of my head,
You’ve destroyed all that I am,
And still you smile and offer me your sympathy,
Be warned,
For there is nothing more powerful than I that am scorned.

wM

Why **** so many innocent I hear you ask,
When it was only the actions of one that did you wrong,
Ask yourself -
If I **** the one,
A hundred more may never know nor heed my warning,
But if I **** a hundred .........

Catch me gently ,
As my fall you break ,
Lift up my fractured wings ,
My eyes they sting with my new dawn.

My first breath fills me ,
Cold Into my waking brain.
Slipped from limbo ,
Awake at last ,
How have I come to be here ,
The shiver on my skin caught from a breeze ,
The colours so real as I see them shimmer in the light of a true day.
Can this really be heaven ,
Wave after wave of emotion ,
Of being ,
Of being alive .

I am alive ,
Touching the ground ,
Tasting the sounds ,
Noises all around ,

Finally ..... I have fallen to heaven.


wM

The power of fear ,
Can summon a tear ,
Though tempered it gains you respect.

If abused , disrespected ,
Then scared and rejected,
You hurt ,
Instead of protect .

Are you hearing voices again,
Is there words inside your head,
Do you feel you  want to hurt yourself,
Make the bath water turn red,

Have you forgotten what you did before,
Do you remember who i am,
You know your not that little girl,
Did you even know that man,

When did you stop taking your pills,
How long since you checked in,
Where have you been sleeping,
Are you still a ******,

I only want to care for you,
Your mind isn’t quite right,
Just let me make it all alright,
An tuck you in at night,

“You people drive me ****** nuts,
No wonder it’s all hazy,
Just leave me be the **** alone,
It’s no wonder I’m ****** crazy,”

wM

Thank you for seeing me,
Whilst everyone was looking at me,
You spoke to me,
And then you saw me.
You didn’t assume to know me by how I looked,
You didn’t think you knew my life by the clothes I wear,
You never took for granted my state of mind ,
because of how I behaved,
You just spoke to me,
And you saw me,
In a world so blind,
Thank you for seeing me.

wM

I met a transient man the other day,
He looked discerningly average with a hint of surreal,
He was real,
As much as real can be,
He was ripples of time in the form of a man,
Not travelling time but aware of time travelled,
Life seemed no longer secluded,
My memories unravelled,
He’s seen what’s coming and he’s seen what’s past,
He told me the human race would last,
He spoke of us from an objective perspective,
If I didn’t know better I’d say even protective,
I pondered gently as to where he has been,
Where he comes from and what he has seen,
I thought my encounter was all about him,
Slowly I’m realising I’m rebuilding kin,
We’ve met up before in this long scattered plan,
I think that's because I’m a transient man.

wM

Why won’t addiction  leave me alone,
Get fed up and just go away,
It’s not like we’re friends or get on all the much,
But he insists on having to stay,
We may have the odd laugh,
Hang out when we’re bored,
And he’s there when I’m broken or dumped,
But the rest of the time I don’t want him around,
So why he’s still here’s got me stumped.
We broke up last summer,
I felt so alive,
It was nice just to hear my own voice,
I was determined to prove I could manage myself,
It was like being me without all of the noise.
But here I am now,
8 months down the line,
Addiction and me are back on,
I thought I could beat him all by myself,
But I realise now I was wrong.
This time I’m asking,
I’m taking the help,
The support and the sponsor and me,
This time I’m leaving and not going back,
Because this time it’s all about me.

wM

You say the rain makes everything miserable,
You hate the still of the darkness,
You tell me lightning scares you,
You can’t stand the wind ,


I see the heavens releasing tears of happiness to rejoice in the beauty that is,
I love the way midnight gently silences the night to magnify the moon,
I relish the rarity that fractures the sky with earth's own raw emotions,
And I am reminded of my place when I feel the gentle might of earth's caress.


Life isn’t about what we see,
It’s about how we see it.

wM

A myriad of faces from infinite places,
Each lost in the thought of your eyes,
Echoes of past moving so fast,
One born every second one dies,
A timeline of specks,
That appears so complex,
Yet for me it’s so natural to see,
As I look through your faces,
From so many places,
I know that it’s here we must be.

wM

When will the fighting be done,
My son,
For the pain of your possible death in the throws of war weigh heavy on me,
Repeating its torturous torments day after day,
Like a fresh flaying of my heart as soon as my thoughts touch your face,
Why must you be the one,
No broken heart or lost love has ever hurt me so,
You,
My own making in the line of such uncertainty,
Defiant and gracious in the name of honour,
You will never know,
Just how much your pride and valour imprison us that love you.
Be safe my soldier son.

wM

Hush,
Listen,
Can you hear,
That purest echo was a mother’s tear,
Ssshhh,
Wait,
Feel the air that swirled,
A tiny soul has left this world.

wM

You slay my fears with written tears,
Intoxicate my soul,
You know my deepest thoughts,
My truest need,
Your words ignite my screams,
Crying out in lucid dreams,
You can shatter me,
Sneer and watch me bleed.
You can write my darkest secret,
Tell the world or let me keep it,
Force my age,
Eradicate my youth,
Your words are my creation,
Created in my trepidation ,
They determine life,
Creating written truth.

Imagine a world of intent,
Where you get back all that you give,
Where your actions create what you have,
How many would struggle to live,
How many  would come crashing down,
Because of how they behave,
How many would end up with nothing,
Because they took more than they gave.
And who would deserve so much more,
Because they give so much more than they get,
Because they step up for people they know,
And step forward for those they’ve just met,
Maybe this is how it works,
It depends on what you believe,
Maybe this is preparation,
Maybe now is our only reprieve .

I haven’t done everything I wished to do with you,
I never truly told you how you fill my heart so full,
I never took the time to give you everything you want,
But you died,
Now everything is wrong and nothing's right,
You died,
I’m confused I cannot think it’s hard to breath,
You died,
I know I hear the words but they’re not real,
You died,
Your everything I'm nothing without you,,
You died,
I wish i died too..


wM

I tell myself I’m fine,
That i know how to get through,
But the fear is suffocating,
Because I know my words aren’t true,
I tell myself I’ll make it,
Just hold on a little more,
As I pull the needle out,
Curled up dying on the floor.


wM

I can lie like you wouldn’t believe,
Convince you beyond doubt,
I’ll back it up with reasons that make sense,
I’ll say it with sincerity,
Staunch and resolute,
Done so well I won’t need a defence,
I’ll play the victim,
Play the crowd,
I’ll play my part so well,
You can’t compete with me this is my show,
Your just a part I let you play,
And now that play is done,
You know this isn’t my first rodeo.
I'll play your parents play your friends,
I’ll play the public eye,
I’ll play them for their love and sentiment,
I can get away with anything because of who I am,
Because they’ll always **** you for a settlement.


Note ;
In a financially motivated world where everything has a price it’s heartbreaking people sell their own innocence or worse, that of their children. Cash settlements and NDA agreements protect the guilty from facing the truth. They prevent justice from being done and worst, they allow the abusers to continue their abuse.

Thick gravy mud incessantly pulling at my boots,
******* and squelching it’s distaste at its failure with each step I evade its clutches,
Brown hail flying in all directions ripping into flesh and taking eyes,
Ears reverberating with the excruciating din of falling shells,
Accompanied with the desperate screams  of my comrades.
Like hells orchestra,
Low rumbles culminating in shrieking sopranos,
Piercing, Deafening,
It’s very lack of percussion spreads fear throughout the ranks,
Through it all there comes a sinister silence,
The true calm before the next storm,
Medics being screamed for in every direction,
Instructions being bellowed to grasp some pathetic sense of order,
In this chaotic pandemonium we push on without hope,
Following orders,
The crescendo of destruction starts again,
Louder, Angrier,
The poetic lunacy of dying in vain,
Our last moments played out like some poorly written depraved play,
Cannon fodder,
Our own remains serving as the uneven carpet of sickly maroon within our trench,
The smell so powerful that I baulk,
Eyes constantly stinging and streaming,
All my senses being flayed in unison,
This is the price we pay for your freedom,
This is the truth of what we endure,
So many deserving so much yet left with so little,
Lest we forget,
Lest we forget.
Lest we forget.

“What were things like when you were young, What were people like”

“Let me tell you my young friend,
Things were different when I grew up,
Men were men, women were women,
There were a few gays but no one cared one way or the other,
It was about how you were not who you were,
People should remember that nowadays,
People were different when I grew up,
We’d never seen anyone that wasn’t white,
It was exciting and different when we started to see new people,
Not what we were used to,
I think it’s amazing that people want to be who they are,
They should be free to be themselves,
Things were just different when I grew up,
We didn’t care for fancy names and new things,
We were happy to have shoes on our feet and food in our bellies,
I heard someone was killed for their sports shoes,
I don’t get it,
Shoes ?
Things really were different when I grew up,
We’d leave our doors unlocked without a care,
I think we were so grateful for what we did have that we didn’t stop to think about what we didn’t have,
We would wait for things to come,
Not like today where everyone wants things yesterday,
So busy thinking of what they want I think they’ve forgotten what they have,
No one seems to live in the present,
They don’t want to talk to me,
They’d rather talk to a stranger in another country,
I suppose I’m the same,
Living in the past,
But things were different in the past,
We were never prejudiced,
Why would we of been,
We had not much to offer and not much to lose,
It’s a new thing,
The fear and the bullying,
The greed and the violence,
I think a lot of people have gone mad,
If you keep showing people nice shiny things they’ll want them,
Then if you tell them it’s not shiny anymore,
They’ll want a new one,
And if they can’t afford a new one ,
Well,
We were better off without all the new shiny things,
Things weren’t so shiny back then,
Maybe it made it easier for us,
Too much choice isn’t always a good thing,
Most of us were good people though but we did have our bad,
But there was enough good to deal with it,
I think the balance has shifted somewhat,
Then there’s this social media your all obsessed with,
Giving the bad people a mask to hide behind,
It’s a shame,
Things were more honest back then,
All these technical media things are amazing but it’s changed people,
I think it gives them power to control a lot more stuff,
It’s a lot of pressure,
I wouldn’t want all that responsibility,
I think that’s why i struggle now,
Because I remember a better time,
When people were generally better,
The world was so different back then,
This isn’t  my world anymore,
I often wish I was back then.
I've not long left though then I can rest,
Maybe go back the and see my  friends,
Thanks for asking and listening though,
It doesn’t happen much at my age,
I hope you do well,
Good luck my young friend.”

For as long as he could remember he had perfected the art of illusion,
For he has never really been what people see,
Only what he needed people to see,
He was scared to truly be himself for fear that the deviant darkness within,
Once released would know no boundaries.
He wasn’t being untruthful or fake, just realistic in regards to what was acceptable to his society which included those he loved,
He wondered if everyone was truly hiding themselves or was it just him,
He knew that he would never truly know,
Because to know the truth would unravel a whole life of effort spent sustaining the image that cost a lifetime to create,
And to be honest,
He didn’t have the heart to break anyone else’s.

I think God was robbed,
Just when he’d almost finished the job.
It’s a shame,
Someone definitely stole some of the parts of his game.
There’s some honour missing,
And loyalty too,
I’ve got all mine but some’s missing in you,
And there’s sympathy - i know I’m a bit short,
I don’t like to admit it but I have to report,
Oh and trust,
There’s a whack of that missing,
I can tell by the way that people are kissing,
But the biggest by far is that faith’s definitely gone,
People seem lost like they know somethings wrong,
Poor God,
So close to finishing his work,
I thought he’d be angry but he turned with a smirk,
Guess what he said when I asked what he’ll do,
He said -
“ Nothings been taken, it’s just how I made you”

A flower giving the sweet gift of life,
The current that forces the wave,
Your guise may be that of a wife,
But your soul is enlightened and brave,
You fill in the parts that I miss,
Yet let me believe it was me,
If to you my eyes I could give,
Then you’d see yourself just as I see.

A Soldier That’s Lost.

Green was the colour of all of my suits,
Razor starched creases and bulled mirror boots,
Focused and steadfast,
Her majesty’s best,
Ribbons and medals proud on my chest.
15 years and 7 tours to my name,
A considerable asset I truly became,
But since I discharged its been a bit rough,
I don’t like to admit it but I’m finding it tough,
I struggle at times to know what to do,
No ones around and so much is new,
I was the cocky one the life and the soul,
Now I feel life’s spiralling out of control.
My wife doesn’t know me - my kids can’t relate,
I’ve no one around me that I call a mate.
I’ve nowhere to go but a job that’s demeaning,
I used to fight for my country,
I used to have meaning,
Now I get angry and can’t get a focus,
I could disappear now and no one would notice,
It’s not what I envisaged it’s not what I thought,
It’s certainly nothing like what I was taught,
I’m not a civilian,
I’m a soldier that’s lost,
From Her Majesty’s Army it feels like I’ve been tossed.

You don’t see me like I see myself,
It doesn’t matter what you say,
Your opinions are like echoes on deaf ears,
There’s no talking me around with words no matter how profound,
They do nothing for my panic or my fears.
I’m disgusted at my mirrored self,
I make my stomach churn,
How could anybody love this ugly form,
Why do I have to be like this,
Imprisoned in myself,
It would be easier if I never had been born.

Salty tears,
Marooned with my fear all alone,
Desperately torn,
Angry and bitter I mourn,
Not that he’s gone,
But the time that I’ve lost I’m so cross,
25 years,
How is it I’m the one sat here in tears,
Salty tears,
I don’t even know who I am anymore,
At the door - he turned and he said there was nothing to say,
An ordinary day,
So much for nothing,
Why did I stay,
Salty tears,
A familiar taste after all of these years.

It’s not the pain I’m feeling that I need you all to see,
But the fire underneath that’s burning through,
I don’t need you to relate to me,
Or understand my pain,
As long as your intentions remain true.
My demons are a part of me,
The backbone of my soul,
They’re who I am and who I’ll always be,
They guard the darkness in my mind ,
A balance for what’s real,
Don’t ever make me set my demons free.

If I close my eyes and feel a breeze does that mean you are near ,
Do you hide inside my farthest dreams,
Or echo in my tear ,
Do you see me living out my life ,
The father I've become ,
The father that I am to you ,
Though never quite begun ,

I picture how you might of looked ,
I think of how you'd be -
The traits within your character that bond you back to me.

If somewhere somehow here or there ,
You see the thoughts I own ,
That tell you though we've never met -
You've never been alone .
That tell if I could cross time I'd come to where you dance ,
See I never knew that you were here -
I never had the chance.

Not in this world , not at this time -
Your eyes were not to see ,
Your weren't to walk upon this land -
Your life was not to be -

But If there is a place beyond ,
Where time stands still and worries cease ,
A place your spirit watches from ,
A place of innocence and peace .

Then guide me when my time here's done ,
Illuminate my way.
For a daddy's hug is everything -
And yours is waiting till that day.

He has left his touch ,
I know this much by the vacant stares they posses .
He has since passed through ,
And his evil too with the curses I loathe and detest.

His reign will not end ,
Until he’s condemned and all that he seeks is wiped out ,
All pure is consumed ,
Savaged and ruined
Left to rot without doubt.

The stench that remains ,
Drives a stake through the pain ,
To remind of the torture that's been ,
Felt but not touched ,
Though tasted too much ,
So alive - it'll never be seen

For hope cannot thrive ,
If there's no hope alive ,
Nothing but dark destitution ,
Your spells here won't work ,
On the demons that lurk ,
For this is our last retribution.

To finish your own life by hand,
May seem like the right thing to do.
But to free yourself from this land,
Is to imprison those that love you.

The fight has gone from within your eyes,
There’s a deathly calmness growing.
The candle smokes as it flickers and dies,
And I taste the fear of knowing.
I don’t see hate behind your mask,
I don’t feel your inner war.
Just a sad despair that no longer cares,
And that scares me even more.

wM

Dear Mr Speaker,
(UK House of Commons)

Unity could set us free but instead you’ve  set us up to be a country of obscurity that doesn’t relate to you or me,
Why is the truth so difficult to tell from the green leather comfort of your wood panelled cell,
How come we’ve twisted what’s meant to be straight and promoted confusion as our number one trait.
Where is the logic ?
Where’s common sense ?
Your  rules are ironic and cause us offence.
Whilst the pedlars work out their policies to sell the faith of your people is burning in hell.
Dear Mr Speaker if only you’d listen and hear the extent of discord that’s arisen,
Dear Mr Speaker whilst you sit in your seat,
We’re being led into mayhem by the fools at your feet.

Regards
wM