Mask
The mask is breaking,
I can't keep this crooked smile anymore.
I'm trying to hold on but the more I fight it,
the quicker I'm tearing apart.
These pills aren't helping.
The mask may prevent others from seeing my true emotions,
but I can't close my heart to things I don't want to feel.
The sad part is I feel nothing
-Pearl A

i smoke ****.
from time to time it takes off the stress
the stress of trying
the stress of waiting
the stress of expecting
but at times my head seems to compress,
like the media around a corrupt member of congress
like the callused grip of a bodybuilder on an etched dumbbell
like scrap metal in the claws of a machine
like the walls slowly closing in on the random superhero
blood pressure builds as my veins throb
my sanity robbed
my thoughts lobbed
but new thoughts replace the others
like THC with the pride a child once gave his mother

I have entered a new reality
evolved in spirituality
although i have left behind compatibility of being
i have new ways of seeing
a visionary
this vision is airy
i am fatigued i am fatigued
time to hit another bowl
time to let anxiety harness my soul
let anxiety cloak me but i shall not let it devour me whole

spontaneous thoughts and entropic actions
but when i rely on my sole self is when i reach true satisfaction.
with the high i lose all traction
with sobriety i gain much love and attraction
but sometimes it's nice to go off the road into unknown terrain
because unknown terrain may be a new road to discover on its own

I like sobriety and being high
i highly enjoy being sober
being high is ludicrous
but then again i'd be a fool to say i wasn't crazy

Regret

I still feel the regret lingering in my chest
I should have gone
Why didn’t I go?
I remember the early morning contemplation.. to go or not to go?
It was dark
It was cold
I justified getting back under the covers, but I didn’t sleep
Shame
I should have gone
But then
As I write I realize
The decision was with unforeseen purpose
For without it
I wouldn’t have been put into this position
To learn to forgive myself

Forgiveness

It started off with just me and mom
Then you came along
Loved you right from the start
Your eyes warm my heart
But for us things were tough
Growing up
And sometimes things grew us apart
But I still love you at the end of the night
Forever my partner in crime
I’ll **** up a ***** if she makes you cry
Cause you’re my brother and I love you
My best friend no one above you
And when **** hits the fan you know I got you.
For a while all we had was eachother.
And at that point nothing else mattered.
We fought to survive.
In a world full of lies.
I remember the day, you almost died.
I’m so scared to lose you.
I know I’m overprotective sometimes.
But I can’t lose you.
I need you in my life.
I want you to succeed throughout all of your life.
And for our bond to forever stay strong.
Nothing will grow us apart.
I raised you through most of your life.
You will always be my baby brother.
Even when you grow taller than I.