My whole adolescence I had hope
But all my prayers went unanswered
All my dreams faded
Black and white
Forgotten
My childhood wasn’t an art piece
It was broken crayons on my school desk
It was fear
Hatred
Love
Tears
Blood
I had no idea what normal was
Chaotic coincidences made up my memories
Memories
They burn like having a cigarette put out on your tongue
Terrible brain connections
I hate my memories
I wish I could forget
Wake up from the nightmare of
Begging to be recognized
For forgiveness
I needed you
Needed somebody to see that I was hurting bad
But you were just like the rest
Blind of the truth
Believed the fabricated stories
Trust
It’s a word with a bitter taste
You have it, then lose it within a matter of seconds
1 second...trust is gained
2 seconds...it’s gone
Snap of a finger
Blink of an eye
My dear friend
I love you like there’s no tomorrow
I adore you
All your perfect imperfections
But love is never an easy emotion
Loving is really a bipolar feeling
Happy one second
Hateful the next
Crying one minute
Laughing the next  
But my friend let me tell you
One little secret
I’ve been thru hell and back
But that little thing called hope
It still keeps me going

I looked into the forest
An urge of wanting to run through the trees sparked through my mind.
Run without ever stopping
till it becomes the very last memory of my disappearance.
I'll go into the places men have never been
The dark places men fear
For darkness is where depression hides
I'll Watch from a distance how the absence of my existence affects the ones I love.
Life will move on.
The absence of one person doesn't make the world wait.
While I await life to move on,
I turn green with the sickening surrounding of nature,
Depression keeps me company and away from the fruits of survival(food).
The ground beneath me becomes colder by the day.
And as time comes were I am forgotten enough from the hearts of the ones I care about,
my heart becomes empty from the absence of their love.
Depression
my only friend
takes pity on me.
fills the emptiness in my heart with darkness and lead my heart to a state of tranquility
As my heart goes
Beat-beat, beat-beat
Beat-beat
Beat
And then
Silence.

In moments
I get scared to love u.
For I am a broken girl my love.
Have you not heard the tales about us?
We are the weakened and wounded souls that lash out in order to save ourselves.
We are the bleeding beauties that bleed when hurt.
We are the mentally ill that will not stop till you  yourself go insane.
We open out gates only to descend back behind our walls after we give u a taste of our love.
We offer love only to close up in fear of a broken heart.
We constantly feel hurt over the most minuscule things.
Love is something we want
but love is something we cannot accept.
My love,
We are like a ticking bomb
And love is the match that will set us off.
Run away from me my dear.
For I am a broken girl,
And we broken girls are dangerous.

Maybe you fear to be whole again,
to feel complete.
You've  felt broken for so long,
that you found comfort in it.
Your scared to take the chance of feeling complete in fear it will fall apart.
So you accept being broken
and smile on.

Coming out of giving up is hard.
When you are give up,
The moments leading up to it are moments you slowly lose your true self .
And at the moment you give up,
Even the little parts of yourself, that was still suriving in you,
die.
You let every part of you go in order to give up.
But in some rare cases when something saves you,
And you condsider to give life another try,
The biggest struggle becomes figuring out who you are.
Because no matter how good your situation may be now,
No matter how much you have to be thankful for,  
every part of who you were,
was forgotten.
Its not that your not happy,
Its just you don’t know how to act.
How to be normal,
And how to be you again.