What will the horizon bring us?
I wonder,
Can you feel my heart?
In dawns of days gone,
In coming eves of twilight;
When I said
I shall always love you,
I meant it.
And days now start
Within a sky where there is no sun,
Within the dark of night, no stars;
Inside of me there is light
All formed from the memories
Of two kids in love, young.
Spiderwebs still entrap
Yet the venom is tapped-
How I wish I was still poisoned.

I’m lost in the ever changing,
A cycle of life that everyone
Seems to go through eventually,

I stopped at the tracks too early,
And have been shown the harsh
Reality just before the curtains closes,

I’m left in the dark,
With too much time to think,
With too much life to live,

It has been so long the shadows
Are starting to move in between
The non existent and below my feet,

Leaving paper trails of horrid things,
Love poems, books written by people
Who share a sentiment, and cigarette buds

That change with how much money
I have in my pockets, I wish they
Would start a conversation,

Scare me off my chair and linger
Too long upon my shoulders,
I’m in dire need of a friend,

Maybe a foe, a reason to keep
Going, to claw myself out
And find myself sunbathing

Across blue skies, sky gaze at
The stars that were once gods,
Enjoy a sip of whatever is available,

Because it doesn’t matter,
It never has mattered.

sometimes i think about what life would be like
if we hadn't lost you and the life you deserved to live
and while it's not productive to pander
and break my heart over and over
considering all the what ifs

i wish with all my heart that it would've been me
if i could trade my life for you to have a fair chance i would
no doubt and i wouldn't regret it not one bit
but that's fanfare
and impossible to achieve

so instead today i want to think about what you gave me
the lessons i've learned in your absence
because you loved me and i know you'd want me to keep trying
and that doing less than my best would be shameful
and make your suffering null

i live with a purpose
and i love for a reason
and i am grateful even when i'm jaded

i choose to be kind
and remember to give grace
even when i'm over the world and clouded by hatred

and while it's not what i wanted
i'm glad to be on the other side
seeing what i was so blind to before

so its not a waste
and you should rest easy
knowing you gave me something to live for

i still miss you
every ******* day
and i still don't pray
but i repeat your name
everytime i wanna quit
and give up and walk away
know that you did that
it's because of you i'm saved

i didn't know love before you left me
and its a shame
but i have that knowledge know
and i wont stop drilling it into my brain

thank you