I lost my life a long time ago
because lord knows this isn’t living

I gave it away to the hole in my brain
to the other me
the one who is controlled by irrational thoughts and behaviours

And in all honesty I can’t say I miss it
I have grown so used to it
this state of emptiness
of nothingness

So much so that I cannot tell if I crave more

Is it too much to ask to want to feel again
to care about my own life
I am tired of viewing my body as an object
my existence as a nuisance
a scourge that needs to be wiped out
a mistake to erase