I've looked bad but felt good
I've looked good but felt bad
I've looked bad and felt bad
I've looked good and felt good

I've failed so many times I can't count
I've learned so much I can't find individual moments

I have gradually increased

But I am finding myself

I am finding the confidence to strut out of my dorms like I'm walking on the runway
I have found myself so sad my body has become immobile

I am growing stronger

Physically. Mentally. Spiritually.

I am finding God in the most random moments, but when I do it is glorious

I find myself alone too often
I find myself feeling alone too often
I find myself hiding too often

I'm ready to let my potential loose
And become the lion I am meant to be

Take me to Charlie’s Pasture
Where the grass is green and grows
Far beyond the concrete town
And the ocean stays so close
Take me to Charlie’s Pasture
Where the sun sets on the waves
Chopping and swaying with the wind
Beneath her golden rays
Take me to Charlie’s Pasture
Right around 6 o’clock
I can show you the old gazebo
And find you skipping rocks
I’m always searching for a place
where I can feel so free
And the spots I feel at my best
Are always by the sea
So drive me down that gravel road
If you really want to know
My heaven, my soul, my sweet escape
To Charlie’s Pasture, let us go

My hands begin to shake
as my thoughts run rampant
To all of the possibilities of what we could have been
Nobody had told me how much it would hurt
When my trip ended early
When all of the anticipation that came with knowing the destination
Was killed by distance
The waves would have flirted with our feet as we sunk our toes into the sand
Our pinkies intertwined and our smiles wide beneath the sun
I could almost taste that trip to Charleston
That I knew we would never really go on
Instead of the distance taking us there together
It grew between us
And that was the first time I fell apart

Have I moved on?
I never can tell
One second is bliss
the next one is hell
**** this I can’t write a poem that rhymes
I have homework to do
I am wasting my time

I don’t know if I will ever figure it out
if what we had was real, without a single doubt.
I bet if you saw me you’d turn in disgust
all I did was break your trust
I blame myself for everything wrong
Why can’t I figure it out
it’s been so ******* long
I wonder if you hate me. I wish I could know
and why does it hurt when I imagine you
letting me go

I’m out I’m out
gone off and away
dreams of a new life
become real today
Let’s leave Let’s leave
away from this place
I’d give anything I have
to see a new face
It’s here It’s here
the moment has arrived
take every chance you get
that makes you feel alive
Big eyes, big dreams, a step into something new
are all things that will lead to a more you you
Don’t listen Don’t listen
to those voices in your head
you believing that you aren’t enough is the only way they are fed
Look around look around
there’s beauty at every glance
You can find love in the darkest place
you just have to give it a chance