Gloom 10/17/97
Doom
The Boom of a gun
Haven’t got one
Couldn’t use it if I did.

Sadness
Madness
The Badness of life
How I’ve blown it
And I’ll never have another one.

Crying
Dying
My Trying isn’t working
I can’t make it good
And wouldn’t see it if it was.

Sinking
Blinking
Always Thinking of a way
To stop the tears
But none of them will ever work.

Dreaming
Screaming
Endless Scheming in the night
Only uses up the hours
And another day rears up.

Graying
Praying
Never Straying from the hope
That maybe there’s a better day
If only I can live til then.
ljm

Wish in one hand
Spit in the other
See which one
Gets full first.
She was right.
         ljm

I'm very scared of being lost
I'm terrified if I don't belong anywhere
Is there something I was not taught?
That I don't fit into the me shaped peg-hole
It's truly a struggle to become myself
I have no assurance that life will become what I have dreamt of it
I have no insurance because I have chosen to take the risk
Still, I live
I will go on living
In this will is my hope
That the path does not adapt to me
I did not choose what is easy
I will become like liquid to the path
And take it whichever way I am led
It is a path, is it not?
It is a way to somewhere
While I feel like nowhere
My goal is plain in sight
It only takes focusing my eyes
To the way that's right

I have no way of knowing
If it's now that I'm going to fall
Who knows when the gravity pushed me down
Or did it pull me toward the floor with a shadow shaped like me?
I have no idea how long before it hits me
Or is it me who hits it?
I don't know any of these
I have no way of knowing
If it's going to hurt
Who knows what I've broken
Or how many times I will say sorry
Even if it was accidental
This is all because of someone
This is all because accidents are always blamed on someone
It isn't always my fault
But it always will be a contact of two sorts
The kind that brings people together
The other kind that takes people apart
Please grace me with the kindness
To love
Or be still my heart, still

I am unsure about this latest project
It seems ambition makes me procrastinate
The reality that I must acquire the skills to achieve such goals
Did you know that Life is a project?
Yes, it's a project.
We are creators creating something
Out of nothing
Our life is nothing
Without us, life is nothing
Without our "Forward, **!"
Did you know that we make the world go round?
Did you know even if we all died the world would keep on going?
But it would be rarely dynamic
Only **** or be killed
No stories
There are animals that create beautiful nests, patterns in the sand, glorify themselves
Well I would like to be reincarnated
Into a flower that is nothing
Until the lion notices

Write down the lines
Then burn it with the lies
Shut the mouth that sins
Seal it with a kiss
Bodies collided
The heat cannot be denied
Let lust consume me
To forget what he’s done to me
It was meant to end in fight
But naked in dimlight
When did it became a habit
To let our bodies speak
Instead of listening to our heartbeats?
I guess I can't desist
My desire for you I insist
And it's stronger than your sins

You left me tainted
With pain and tears
So i tried to bleach
To remove every stain
I scrubbed so hard
But i got wounded
So i bleed again
And starts to hurt again
The stains are now scars
And now i will be forever reminded
Of how i tried to remove you
Yet i got marked instead

It's been a long time
Since i last had a dream
Funny that last night
After what forever it seem
You were still included in my dreams
-both when awake and alseep