there are a million reasons not to love you but all i can think about is how empty i am without you

everything you have done to me has made me lose myself just a little bit more

all the compromises of my moral compass and changing my plans to accommodate your needs and

your words hit me like killer rain, tumbling down on me, sending me into a spiral of self-deprecation and insecurity

now when i see myself in the mirror i wonder

who am i without you

because suddenly the girl with the brown hair and her eyes a little too far apart and her smile a bit wobbly doesn’t satisfy the mirror anymore without you on my arm

you have given me a thousand empty promises and forgotten kisses and words that hit like punches that should have made me turn around and slam the door but instead i just stay and stay and stay,

my apologies getting caught in my throat like a bullet, suffocating me until i forget how to be happy without you in the first place

my heart throbs because the fingers you have wrapped so tightly around my heart are squeezing and squeezing and squeezing and my head feels like a giant is sitting on it because suddenly i can’t think about anything but

how sad i am. how hurt i am. how lost i am and somehow no one can lead me back to my sanity except for you but you are the root of my destruction

all of my problems lead back to you but somehow in some twisted-messedup-tangled-type of way you are the only person who can solve them

there are a million reasons not to love you but instead everything i do is to make sure you stay.

"I wish I was happier," she
confessed, to me, in-between
puffs and awkward silent
pauses.

"I'm not disappointed," was
all I could say, forcing
back down my throat, the "me too."

We stood there, in quiet,
surrounded by loudness. The other
few, ate, and drinking inside.

Goes back in, she kisses him.
What does he know?
Answer?
More than he's liable to make known.

I can't look at her. If I do,
I'm caught-in-love, and
stuck on the possibilities.
If my eyes can avoid you, my
dreams can stay fantasy,
not just unfulfilled.

She's tired of hearing she's perfect.
She'd rather be told the truth.
but no one that loves her lets honesty in earshot.
And I'm sick of love, lying, and
truth-telling, too.

I wish you were happier.
I wish the path of least resistance laid itself out,
before you.
I wish you'd hold my hand while we walk it, together.

I wish I could make happy,
like some folks brew beer.
I'd pour you a growler,
(On the house, of course)
and laugh at everyone else, while you drink it.

This poem is the list of
things I never thought could
make a difference.
This poem is the litany of reasons why
I think I deserve one
last chance.
This poem is the one I'd
read to you every night, if
it would change your
mind.
It wouldn't. It won't.
This poem bites, the last dying
hope of a beached shark, spying
the wave that could save it.
This poem is the black pods
we once foolishly believed were
shark eggs.
This poem knows I hate the beach,
and brought me along,
anyway.
I started this poem months ago.
It'll never really be finished.

My blood runs red in my blue veins
I feel just as you do, exactly the same
Cut me open and see inside
That which is in me is beautified
So as with you, our hearts are all true
Irrespective of the color that our skin exudes

If you were to hurt me would I not cry ?
Asking you forgiveness, the reason why
Just as you would if you were to die
Be judged by the same man in the sky

Do we not love and fear?
Hope and dream for all things?
That this life would be gentle and kind
That we might live and learn unconfined

We are born and we die in the exact same way
Are similarities not enough to keep a color war at bay?
Skin, hair, money, status and power
Are these the things we fight for that will slowly devour us?

I search for a world where this will no longer matter
That for this reason no more blood shall splatter
When the color of my skin will not make me less of a person  
But rather a sister to love and trust in

I want this world to see through the my eyes
See what it means to truly accept and thrive
What we could be if only we stopped fighting
It would be love and life uniting.

Things that nobody talks about:
The desperation of loving someone who doesn't love you
How the sun feels warmer when you've spent a year being cold
The feeling of weightlessness after crying yourself to sleep
When he stares long and hard at you and smiles softly, making your eyes feel shy even when you are not
How people who used to exist in your orbit still take chunks off of your surface, even when you've taken so many hits you hardly exist.

Things that nobody talks about:
Even when you've moved on, even when you've found someone who loves you more, even when you've discovered better things, your skin remembers things best forgotten.

would you believe me
if i told you
that you are the universe
in which i live in,
the air in which i breathe,
the land on which i walk?

would you shake your head
in disagreement
if i mentioned how
your smile acts as my sun,
your voice a melody
that lingers in my favourite songs,
your eyes as lambent
as the beautiful
night moon?

would you think of me
in the far future
on quiet evenings by the windowsill
as you reminisce the times
we spent together,
the memories i replay constantly
in my mind,
of days i wish will never die?

would you?

i hope you do.
i hope you do.