He was late.  He rushed forward.  All he could see was a crowd of people standing near a lady.  Her sister he guessed.  Dark sunglasses adorned a cherubic face.  Her red nose was a clear give away, that she had been weeping.  They had closed the grave. He was late. He didn't get a chance to see her one last time.

How could it be possible?  She had met him a few months ago!  She looked fine. He received a message from her sister.  She was dead. It was her funeral.  He could hardly believe it. How did life change in a mere few months?

Her sister was speaking to a group of young women, her friends, he gathered.  They were speaking with her sister. He overheard them say "But she never told us! She called us and said we should go camping and planned the whole trip at such a short notice.  We had so much fun! But she never told us."  

Her sister replied, "She was informed 4 months ago, somewhere at the end of Jan, that she had a few months to live.  She had developed a lung complication and it had taken a turn for the worse. The medication had stopped working. She didn't want any more doctor visits and stuff. She refused to get treated. She decided then she would have fun and live the last few months of her life, memorably.  Surprise friends, meet people she never made time for before. Make happy memories.  She lived her last days simply wanting to be happy.  She met most of the people on her wish list. Except a few who were away."  

Hearing that, his heart sank.  He was one of those she paid a surprise visit to. He remembered that day. He had been avoiding her. He recalled the surprise visit to his house. He was home that day. It caught him off guard.  He was in a spot and didn't expect that she should drop in unannounced. How upset he was! He recalled those words.  Angry words, he had lashed out at her. Then he didn't hear anything from her afterwards. Now it sank in him.  She met him at the end of Jan.  She didn't have time.  Why didn't she tell him that?  She hardly said anything at all.   He was angry with her, again, even now.  Why? Why? Why?  He approached her sister and introduced himself.  "Hi! I am John".  At that his sister interrupted him, "Oh! I have a note for you", With that she took out an envelope from her pocket and handed it over to him.

He was dazed. His sister turned her attention away.  He held the envelope in his hands, shock, disbelief, he couldn't explain what engulfed him at that moment.  He had always, avoided her.  She was irritating, a pain, he thought. She had issues.  Unresolved issues.  He remembered the time, she whispered to him, that she was in love with him.  But he ignored her.  Pretended that he never heard it. She wasn't his type. He opened the note.  It read.  

"Dear John, By the time you receive this note, I will not be physically present in this world. I am sorry for dropping in unannounced at your place, that day. I am really sorry. I realized you were upset, but believe me upsetting you was the last thing I had in mind.  

You see, I had been having issues with breathing for quite some time.  My sickness made me depressed.  A lung infection I caught on, turned into a complication. I was hoping to get better.  I never thought, that it would be the end of me.  But when the doc told me I had a few months to live.  I was shocked.  I asked myself.  What is the only thing you would regret leaving behind. And then I saw your face. You my dear friend, are the 1st person I will regret leaving behind. Not having spent time with you. And not spending time with people who have loved me irrespective of my so called "issues", these are the ones I will regret leaving behind.

So I decided to let the end of my life, albeit a few months, be the happiest days of my life.  And for once let me control what I choose to do with my days, rather than living a schedule of must do things and tasks and priorities.  You see, we have a choice, yet we choose to focus on the priorities that don't add any value or meaning to our lives.  Day and months pass by in meaningless pursuits.  We miss the opportunity to love and share our love with others.

You were in no doubt that I loved you, but I respected your decision. I don't resent it. I chose to give freely and to grow every day by being richer in the experience of just giving for the sake of it. I stopped worrying about how my actions will be interpreted by people around me.  Seriously, they have no clue about my journey and what it has taken me to keep myself alive.  

Having decided this for myself, I've spent the best days of my life in the last few months.  I am truly, happy and satisfied.  The only regret I have is that I didn't get to create a happy memory with you that day.  I also understand completely the reasons you gave me. But it doesn't matter now, does it?  I cannot create any more memories from my grave.  

Love ya always "

He closed the note. Yes, he realized no more memories, no more sorry.  You can't create memories from the grave.

My heart is simple, my feelings true.
I had no intention of offending you.
Not to shock, neither to stalk,
I simply decided to walk.
My sixth sense warned me not to go
I thought I just say Hello
To silently be a part of your grief
No tears apparent that I could weep.
Words a few, comfort to give.
Basic understandings, that I knew.

My world came toppling at your accusations
That I failed to understand your basic assumptions.

Yes, I do regret, surprising you.
But the greater shock, was seeing you.
Deciding to circumvent, I landed into you.
Not expecting, not realizing,
No benefit of a doubt.

I am the one shocked, I need to take stock
If this is ur attitude, twice I've taken the blame
Suffered the shame and humiliation
Only in loves name

My voice cannot be silenced,
for eons I've been dark,
a fire brought me the poet,
life held,
within a spark,

I've waited in the mountains,
I've drifted in the cloud,
I've divided with the river,
and my voice is pretty loud,

I am the mighty maple,
& I am the tallest cedar,
I've walked among the peoples,
I've stepped out with every leader,

I've soared above with eagle,
I've flown with every flag,
I've died with every soldier,
I came back in every bag,

I am the mighty heavens,
I am the rivers, lakes and streams,
I am in all you ever realize,
I am the wish in every dream,

I am a big ol' waxing moon,
I am in a starlit sky,
I am in every flower bud,
I am the thread in every eye,
I am in every sweet hello,
I'm in every sad goodbye,

I am the from bravest people,
& I am the fearsest one,
I am a savage warrior,
I am the shining sun,

I burn in every fire hot,
as I rage an angry fist,
for those who do not know,
why not?
this life a precious gift,

I've walked a million miles,
been on the valley floor,
I've climbed the highest summit,
& in the depths of hell before,
I've swam the biggest ocean wide,
I swam back to love on shore,
I always share in all I have,
I receive the humble poor,
I'll help with any needs you ask,
with an ever open door,

I ask not that you must like me,
or agree with all I say,
I say respect who is the person first,
I say respect the only way,
I fold my hands to hope that you,
you hear these words I pray,

I pray you show all loving kindness,
stop ignorance and human blindness,

I am me,
I am you,
I am us,
we... are all really the same.

Ma Cherie © 2017

the moon’s a cradle
for lonely souls. gracious night,
slightly cold. the stars
are hung for all the children
who need to find a way home.

My mother stole the stars when I was young.
She dug them graves and built them tombs of stone
and dark replaced the light where they had hung.
The moon lamented in the sky alone.
Buried alive, the stars began to sing.
They sang me lullabies so I would dream
of when the sky was bright and burning,
when Earth was lit by constellation’s gleam.
I heard the stars and dreamed to set them free.
I longed to see them ease the lonely moon
and light the night with fire to paint the sea.
Yet they remain buried in dark and gloom;
for I was young and slept the night away.
I didn’t know dreams died with rise of day.