What is the meaning of a letter?
They resemble the severity of the talk
of the shame
of the crying

Or maybe they mean laughter
happiness
hope

What is the meaning of a plus or minus?
a plus or minus can ether mean life or death.

Ink.
You grow up knowing that red automatically means
F

in recent years I learn that its the colors like
yellow
purple
pink
that symbolize the F.

The harsher the mark, the better the grade.

Shouldn’t it be the other way?

I knew it was coming
The inevitable slowly crawling up my legs
Always an Elephant in the room whenever I visited
Whispering words of encouragement in your ear
Murmuring “I love you”, it was just for you to hear
I thought, in the Autumn when everything seemed to hit rock bottom
Maybe in the Spring when your cheeks sunk in-while life was supposed to start, of all things
You perked up in the Summer, soaking up the heat just like a flower and became strong again
Alas, we came full circle; Autumn was finally back, bringing your spirits down with the leaves
I knew it was coming

The days became shorter, my hope wearing thin
Visits were becoming a weekly occurrence
My prayers altered
Trying to figure what would be best
Should you let go of your pain or keep on trooping?
I knew it was coming

In the morning, hearing the news
Memories began to play in my mind
Teaching me how to fish. Shock
Showing me how to be brave. Denial
Telling me stories of your past. Numbness
Days before, you told me I was beautiful. Shock
Wearing the locket you gave me. Longing
I knew it was coming

Silence covered the house like a soft blanket
Reflecting on my past with you
Going on a run
remembering the good times and the bad
Where the December rain mixes with my tears
I knew it was coming

The big day
Family coming in the worst way
Meeting your high school partner in crime, your cousins, your neighbors
Learning about your past
Riding a bike backwards
Swimming two and a half laps without taking a breath
Becoming the best father in the world
The best grandfather
Your last words “I’m ready to go.”
I knew it was coming

But I told myself over and over:
Not this year
Not this week
Not today
Not now

But finally, it came

I try to control every variable
Just like an experiment
Like a mad scientist
If something goes wrong it could cost some blood
A hamstring
My shins

My heart is pounding like a runaway train
Chugging along and always speeding up that it sometimes trips over itself in my chest
Fluttering

I tune out everything except for the official

I set my blocks
I am already trying to catch my breath to calm the butterflies in my stomach
I wipe my hands on my spandex
They're covered in sweat

I let out a shaky breath. Telling myself "You know the drill"

"Ladies stand in your lanes"
I do a couple tuck jumps
Double check my spikes, my hair
I shake out my hands hoping to wipe off the nervousness
But know deep inside my heart that it's the only thing keeping me sane

"On your marks"
A sour taste forms in my mouth
All I can do now is think about my start
Another variable I become the master of
Low and drive
I get on my trembling hands as I slide my feet in the blocks
I inhale-my breath quivering
I peer ahead at the finish line in front of me
It's so close yet oh so far away

"Set"
Is there a word for when all of your potential energy instantly turns into kinetic?
All of your nervousness turning to pure adrenaline?

Is there a word for that split second after the gun goes off?
For what it feels like when my muscles stretch and scream for oxygen?
My mind goes blank
I can't hear any of the yelling or my runaway heartbeat
I don't think about who's beside me

This race isn't about the competitors next to me
It's the clock
That irrevocable tick that means almost everything
That horrendous voice inside my head saying I am too tired
Slow down
My legs weren't made for this
But I know deep down inside that it's my brain trying giving up

I keep running because I don't care about the voices in my head or the sprinters beside me
I race against time
An irrevocable substance that will always win
But I was born to run

Is there a word for when your brain gives up and you are running with pure adrenaline and heart?

Is there a word for running so fast time slows down? You can hear your mothers pleads, your fathers coaching, your friends reassurance as you pass by but it doesn't even process until after you are done

You can feel every millisecond in your toes when you spikes dig into the track

You can feel everything that could have gone wrong but somehow went right and you don't even register it until after

I make it to the finish line in one piece
My muscles are tight and my lungs are trying to catch up with my racing heart
My head is pounding and I don't remember what just happened
But I get a feeling that it was something wonderful
I can't find a word for it

I wish there was because  I would have already said it by now