i just remember her lips
the way that every word could be made sweeter
as the soft air that forms
is held on her velvet tongue for ever mili-seconds
and is pushed forward with her breath
that gives me life

What I really need
Is better left unsaid
Its always been a dream
Always I believe
Esmerelda
I see you dancing by the fire
maybe I should tell you that I love you
I guess its better if I don't

What I really need
Is what tortures me
A place to go where I can really be
A place I know I'll never reach
Esmeralda
I see your body casting shadows
The silhouette of a beautiful woman
I guess its better if I don't

What I really need
Is a heaven
A way to feel like I'm alive
I way to hold an angel in my arms
Esmerelda
I see your glorious gyspey eyes
I see my peace in them
I guess its better if I don't

I saw time
Marching like ants
Towards that cold essential horror

And my life
Is not my own
It is a gift or a curse, depending

Because time
Is all we share
That, and the cold essential horror

In loving tribute
My hands don't move as deftly through the mire
Through the flesh
The spirit
Eva
I hope the angels find a beautiful way to hold you

It must've been a dark day
Even the light we saw
Was somber hue
All the days are dark
But the soil and the leaves know love
That I have lost
Eva


It was only a memory
Of the hope of love inspired
It is all I can't forget
It is a song
A memorial
My lonesome tribute
To the way my hands have failed to hold you
To hold on

I hope the angels find a beautiful way to hold you

You get what you give
So I give you my love

Not the wisest among
The wisest can't see
Not the faithful among us
I know they'll never believe

Even the gods that stood with
Have all gone away
Their pain was all in vain
They never could have saved us anyway

Maybe I'll find a new way
To get high
This life we know
Is growing old

Even the gods that stood with us
Have all gone away
Their pain was all in vain
No, they never could have saved us anyway

You can find the one
A soul mate
A love of a life
And love of life you share
Someone to always be there
And in life you may never feel lonely

But everybody dies alone
Even in a crowded room

All it is
Is
All
We'll
Make it be

Everything I love
Becomes the roots underground
Become the leaves falling off of the limb
I watch a nightfall with no stars
And the face in the moon
Only frowns
Everything I love
Goes away

It isn't cold enough
But I am dead yet?
I find fire
My anger burns this forest to total ash
Because you couldn't see the forest for the trees
And you could never see outside yourself
Until I destroyed you

Everything I love
Goes away

This is not the life we knew
Not the world we knew before
When we held onto to a dream
And we made it everything

This is not the same old story
Bitter ends bring something new
And the skies would rearrange
Now everything is strange

But it's a change
We always hoped for
It takes us time
To see the truth

This is not the light we knew
All the many shades of blue
When we never could believe
Because we never wanted too

This is not the same language
We grew up with all the pain
All the words and all the feeling
That only left us reeling

It's a change
We always hoped for
That we fought for
The rainbow after storms

And I've never held before
But more and more
I believe
In you
As you believe in me
We have the love to make it be

Now everything is strange
And all this money only change
Falling out of pockets
Not enough to pick back up

Now everything is love
And no matter any distance
Any miles or kilometers
Or however you may judge it

It's a change
We always hoped for
The ability to grow
Into what we weren't before

This is not the life we knew
Let us change our point of view
So that even in the gutter
We're still reaching for the stars

And this life became so strange
That we understand the rain
It's a song we have to sing
Becoming everything

It's a change
We always hoped for
It's a light
In darkest night

And I've never held before
I've held for all my life
I believe
In you
As you believe in me
We have the love to make it be

God willing
The creek won’t rise,
Everything within lies,
Father of mammon
The ***** of of Babylon,
I turn my eyes up to the skies,

And I know I can’t be whole,
I only know I set my foot on the road,
But its a never ending path,
Once the first step
You cant go back,
You cant turn back,
         Everything within lies,

Now I know
The strength of my hand,
Took a lifetime to understand,
Despite the darkness
Light still shines as it can,
Shines on the life of a man,

And I know I cant be whole,
I only go and feel the weight of the the load
But to this burden I am strapped,
This is my sin
this is my chance,
For salvation,
            When everything within lies

And lo
There is a truth set to behold
And find your soul,
Find your weight
Define your hope
Or you’ll never know,
Never hold what’s really golden
Give it up,
There is a most high,
There is a truth,
When everything within lies

When everything within lies

I was sitting in my basement thinking about my attic as I awaited the first bombs to drop in the next world war

I guess I'm pretty lucky to understand that metaphysically nothing really is unless we perceive it is so even death by chemical nerve agents can be a pleasurable experience that we come back for again and again

And that time I died before when the only metaphor would have to be trying to guide a wooden canoe across an active volcano

I can't wait to try that again

It should be a home
I know
AM and PM
Home stereo
What good words will you say?
What good songs will you play?
Sun dials antenna
Broadwith
I ask you not broadcast
The low end of the spectrum
What good news do you bring?
What new song will you sing?
Eight-six the FM
I cannot listen anymore
It's music I suppose
From an evil radio

Hey there Mr ****** haircut
A meat packed refrigerator
Judge me now or later
While god judges you
And you focus on a letter b
Bitter brittle broken busted
Billion
Count the piggies
Count the sheep
And lead them to the slaughter

She was straitened among vines
And I came
A messenger from the ruler
Known by the red coverings of my knees

She was sitting straitened under a stump
With bare buttocks
In a gloomy valley
And no prospects for deliverance

She was straitened before a frowning rock
Her means of escape
Cut her hands as a thorny branch
Oppressed by that which should not opress

She was straitened in a lonely place
A palace without a ruler
A king enters his castle
And does not see a queen


She was straitened among vines
(Which she could break anytime)
And I came
(I was always there)
A messenger from the ruler
(A man who wants to love)
Known by the red coverings of my knees
(And my sacrifice to the spirits)

I came to find out
Your not what I thought you were
And I'm sorry
I never should have expected so much from you

Bullets, bullets
Love them all
I lift you up
To watch you fall

I've figured it out
That its all my fault
And I'm sorry
I should only expect that much from myself

Rainbows, rainbows
In the dark
The song of magpies
And meadowlarks

And this caterpillar becomes not what I thought
Not what I expect
I lift you up

Give me enough time
And I know I'll get it right

Must I explain myself?
All for nothing
I'll explain that you won't understand
Because my heart beats the same as anyone's
And hey
I can bleed as well as anyone
else

Must I explain myself?

Most people are living to die
I'm only dying to live

Bones and dust and dissonant notes
Only what I believe
With that whimpering hound in the street
Hungry as he is afraid
And covered in mange
I tried to look away
To the peddlers on the avenue
Fancy storefronts and window panes
Where I could hide away
Lord I had no hope
Lord I hid my faith
With the jewels and meat and wine
Knowing what I believe
Is a starving dog in the street
Beaten on and defeated
Castrated
I could only look away
To the mages and the court jesters
Moving men become images on screens
To occupy my mind
when there is no hope
Lord what is my fate?
Is it fires and bullets and the grave?
Is it anger controlling the world?
Demons whispering in our ears?
Pestilence and war
as we do as they bid
Keeping that dog hungry
Keeping that dog afraid
I only look away
Don't feed that dog
Not even the bones that we leave in the bin
Lord is this my fate?
I ask aloud with no one around
Save for the spirits that occupy the corners of the room
Of light and dark
Of truth and morality and a fire that starts from a spark
But with the lights on
Lord I show my faith
Because the energy flowing trough a cherry tree
That makes the flowers bloom
Should be the springtime of a life
and we shouldn't look away
We should give
As we give thanks for this food
It can be bitter but it can be sweet
With this bustling restaurant
With families and businessmen busy with their lives
Hustling and hurrying
The wait staff rushing food to hungry patrons
Food upon my plate
And I will pray
Lord I show my fate
I've fed that dog long ago
Took him in from off the street
Cared for him back to health
And gave him warmth and comfort
And he gave me love
and we should give

I always trusted
Even when the the fires burning me
Were the fires of hell
The flames without an answer
I always trusted
When they were licking my heels
And growing up my back
But not clinging to a source
Rather burning all to ash
I always trusted

I always trusted
When my friend became a stranger
A stranger thing I never knew
And the pain I went through
I always trusted
When the distance growing greater
And the pain was growing larger
And the light becoming dimmer
I always trusted

That love would be the answer
At least
For most of the questions in my heart

I fell in love with a fake moon
The sun was always in view
But I was swept up in tides
That were man-made

Not of the gods
Not of the inner voice I hear
That I know belongs to spirits

I fell in love with a projection
Of my favorite constellation
I believed in it so much
I forgot about the night sky

Where the answers are written in stars
And if you know how to listen
You can hear them

I fell in love with a lightbulb
I became a flower in a green house
And what I was reaching for
Wasn't the sun

I fell in love with a fake moon

Sometimes we want something so much
That our tireless efforts to have it
Are only pushing it a way

Father, brother
Sister, mother
Son

And it gets harder to stay positive
But I know I need to
Sister, mother
Son

Once you fall into doubt
Its hard to get out

But we always have
Father, brother
Sister, mother
Son

I fear the worst
But know the best
Is waiting for me

How can I fear
When all I feel
Is hope and inspiration?

I guess
      All is not lost
             Because I have my feet
My shoulders
Stress and strain

Buckle under

The weight of the world

I have my dreams
But
I don't know how to make them be

Im sure if I search long enough
For peace
I'll find a cave where no mans been
And die unkown

But still
      All is  uncertain
              Even the bones and shoes I wear
My mind is a king light
And a train wreck

I still fear dinosaurs

My fathers fossils

Even my feet
I'll take another unsure step
And hope it leads me to where you are

Or I can fall

And
     Never
             Stand
                   Back
                 Up
Again.....

Hells infinity
Heavens ephemeral

I guess
     All is not lost
             Because I still have my feet

And I'm eager to take another step

Whatever you believe is beautiful to me
I love even your scars
I would eat your pain
I would fight your demons
And walk with you through your nightmares
I feel your sorrow lil ma
And I give as much as I can
To change that sorrow into joy
That pain into pleasure

Its a mixed-up
Mashed-up
Crazy world

But we still find meaning

Its a painful
Sorrowful
Lonely life

But we still find joy

A poem is never finished
A word to be added
Or subtracted
Or changed
Or

Forgotten

Or with the loving grace of god
A poem is never finished
Just found
And appreciated
And understood
And

Remembered

A poem is never finished
If someone finds it
And has a new interpretation
A new meaning
New feelings
To take from it

This situation became fire
I cannot love,
Cannot trust a liar,
Fire
Boiling in the blood of a Scorpio,
And if I yell and curse, or self destruct
And you tell me your afraid
Fire
And you should be
Because I am too
I'm afraid that I don't love you

We are like silence in the night
Silence when the loud alarm starts ringing
Fire! Humble people in cottages
We refuse to wake up
Better to let the angry flames reach our rooftops
Growing and crackling down the walls
And engulfing the room we rest in
We are people who wont wake up
Fire and blood
And dreams of life
From the time when we watched the sun rise
And when all is smouldering wreckage
I stand alone after as a spirit
Sifting through the ashes
Lamenting what was lost
And asking why
Knowing never
Will I know

I know the fires of the sun
Every ray of light life giving
Destroys a little more
A spark for you would devastate my city

Why does passion burn intensely?
That my heart would turn to ash
Its not what I intend
That my heart becomes the coal

Fire
Fire brings warmth
Fire eviscerates
I guess its just my fate
To be only smoke and memory
As the better parts of me
Burn away

I know the fires of the sun
And the bottom of the ocean
Both are fools to gravities charms
The weight you give me

Why does passion reach so fully?
That there is no skin I know
That isn't marked
By your tattooed name

Fire
My soul and heart on fire
Fire is the name I love
I'll burn as willing tinder
To shed light upon your dreams
I only hope you love me
As a dream that will never be

I know you as a flame
A fire burning
Consuming
Never sated

Gather my children
Said the man in a school
I know what is good
And I know how to live

The definitive difference
Between right and wrong
There is truth in war
And lies in a song

And there is injustice
That we can make right
and there is morality
Darkness and light

And I know what god wants
I know how the world should be
                 -well the wise man knows all of this
                 Is flim-flam philosophy

I won't worry with the sunrise
I've spent nights carving my name into rocks
One for the moon
Two for you
Three for the stars that still find a way to sing
After all these years
My ever-loving reminder
To trust my fate
And keep my faith

Haven't my feet traveled the lands?
Raging. bold, and confindent
Though winterland
Steel and bone and cold
She dances like Aurora Borealis
As I trod on
Steadfast, determined
Through heat scorched deserts
I find you in the sands

I play with you
Beautiful thing
Beautiful dawn that I rise
Sweet honeysuckle on the vine
The flower, held in my hand close to my chest
The seed
The tree, the plant, the vine, the fruit
All significant
You are
And I know I told you I believe that you are water
You are water to me
However you arrive
In storms or gentle rain
You become rivers to me
Where I go to quench my thirst
To quell my fire
Subdue this spirit, soothe this pain
Love this soul
Bring me to the ocean

The world is losing gravity
How long can I hold onto the surface?
This turgid turf
These blades of grass
My feet don't know the ground
Without blood

All we ever wanted was to float away
Idyllic in expression and hopeful
As a prisoner

The light that I see can only be the remains
Of dead and dying stars
Figmants of imagination
Relics from the ancients
And our modern prophets seeking profit

The world is losing gravity
I am losing air

All we ever wanted was to float away
And end up in the sun

It was only water
Its the river
The giver of life
Fast or slow
And anyways the waters going to flow
We can only float
But we will hopefully float
Fast or slow
As though we'll reach our destination
Or we can sink
Find our waterfalls
Be on the brink
We can drown
Never stop to think
Never until forever is the last blink
Of our eyes
Our water sees the skies
And time we only meet the ocean
We never reach the stars

flowers and weeds on my doorstep
I haven't thought of it for a while
now
comes ivy creeping on the floor
that I know that I know

they say there's a war in my backyard
i haven't fought a bit for a while
know
I needed something I could die for
that I know that I know

that I know
what the flower has
what makes a lonesome life more beautiful
as it turns the world is cruel
that I know

buzzard and crow have perched out
on the tree branch underneath my window pane
pain
as it pains me now to look out
and see the crow gambling

that I know
the hand he has
what makes a lonely life more beautiful
as it turns the world is cruel
but flowers grow
flowers grow

If....
Perchance
You happen to traverse all the seven hills
And the five blue stones
Shining aquamarine
If
It happens
There will be flowers growing on the side of the highway
And wheels on the road
Finding direction

I'm watching the way the wind
Plays with the flowers that grow on the side of the highway
The clouds delight to see
Dancing petals
Caressing breeze

If....
Perhaps
My world that separates me will be made smaller
By my love that grows
Becoming wings
If
It happens
You shuffle through my country and stumble through my town
These streets won't be made of concrete
And they won't feel so cold

I know in summer heat
There will always be flowers growing on the side of the highway
Only so your eyes can see
Myriad colors
Carried on a zephyr

This is not my poem
It's my problem
Like solving equations
Using alien numbers
And imaginary math
I have so many things to do today
And I don't want to do anything
But its okay
I learned long ago to not complain
Nobody really cares about your problems anyway
And no man should spend all his time *******
Leave that to the dogs
I just need to focus

Find an outside source of strength
And combine it with my inner
Count my blessings
I have many
More to come
I'm in good humor
I'm a loaded rifle
And I'm aiming at the world
But someone will speak
And I'll slip into a dream
I could never focus
My laser beam

It's my problem

I'm ready for the tectonic shift
The chasms, canyons and the rifts
I've asked for them
And then been afraid they will show

Well, follow me now
Or follow the ghost
The demon inside
Or the holy host

I've begged and pleaded
Torin, is there panic inside?
The yearning for light
And a pain I can't hide

Well, fall on me now,
As I favor the ghost
Follow me now
Or follow me not

All I know
Is that your beautiful
And I would be happy if you would follow me
Because I'd follow you

To the ends of the earth

After things have been herded
We can be nourished
And if the line changes
We can return

Food is important to all people
We can feed them
There is not any excuse
Not to achieve it

Because I can't let you starve
You can't let me starve

After the crops are gathered
We can be nourished
the changing lines
Show determination

Food is important to all people
It gives us strength
But only the strong of heart
Can feed others

Well, I can't let you starve
And you won't let me starve

Food is important to all people
And after we eat
We celebrate

Keep me from being a fool
When were in love we're fools
But I decided to write a poem
Without knowing what I would say
So
Planes are metal birds
And flowers merely symbols
For the god in nature
The good in nature

I didn't know what I would say
But I had to say it anyways
And honestly
In many ways
As a fool I'm glad I did

So
Moons will wax
And moons will wane
A greater part of everything
Of all my joy and pain

Keep me from being a fool
And even if I have wings
Be the one to let me know
That I'm not meant
To fly

This little bit of time that is my life
Through hope and desperation
We only have so much
So long
And the colors can't shine bright
Forever
The sun won't always rise
My colors only fade
And maybe dreams are really all that is
I dream I live
And that I get it right

Change the red with blue
There is no truth
Besides the love me make
The love

We give

This little bit of time that is my life

Right now is forever
Because we live it
And relive it
And it becomes a part of us
A part of history
And when I don't have
It hurts me right now
Forever

I want the stars to shine
Over your fragile skin
So many morters and pestils
So many wrecking *****
We can destroy the buildings we live in
And keep on living

I want the moon to beam
Into your delicate mouth
So much concrete and asphalt
So many jackhammers
We can build a parking lot
And keep on moving

A want the the night to seem endless
As deep as you are
We can shine a light
We can carry it so far
Our hands aren't time

They are infinity

Forever is only as long
As I love you
Because I will die
But my love won't

Who knows how forever feels?
I know of never
With its devils pitchfork
Its reapers scythe
Its demons howl
Its a shadow grown long
Covering worlds
Who knows how forever feels?
The closest I got
Was a very long time
                                                                     I know of endings

You found your freedom
Through incarceration
Prison walls and prison guards
And steely cold metal bars
Your conviction became your conviction
Your story my inspiration

You can keep a man in chains
But you can't keep him from freeing his mind
From reaching someone
He'll never be able to touch

And light radiates
Behind your words
Fiery purple imagination
Images of thoughts and feeling
And how you found your freedom
Behind penitentiary walls

Ë

I watched

What is night
                                                       Form
I felt I only have two hands

A million questions

Borders
And no clear border

Is it my territory?

To always know what is right

I felt I only have two hands
And that it was not enough
To make the sun
Shine forever

Let me talk you off that edge
I can see your standing on
Your standing calm
But remember life is beautiful

Don't cut your wrist
Don't look for no tomorrow
Don't feel hate
Don't feel sorrow

And I've been there before
I know you won't hear
Unless I'm compelling
Please hear what it is I'm telling you

I have blood in my veins
Boiling times a Scorpio
My birthday was yesterday
Really was it happy?

But still I'm holding on
Can I be strong? And make the change,
I'm waiting on
I can't if I don't believe it

Well I believe
I believe
I believe in a bright tomorrow
I hope that you do to