Holding you
Kissing you
Whenever I think about it now
It only makes me want to
Hold the bottle a little bit tighter
And kiss it a little bit longer

I always had a vision of you
You, dancing through the fire
The master composer
A long ago orchestra
Drowning on mercy
Say you know about me
I know about you
I know
I always had the thought of you
You, living in a dream
Space traveler
Carrying the fame
Calling for home
Say you know about me
Say you know
I know
I always have the sound of you
You, singing beautifully
Dying in your music
Singing all the same
Hero to the grave
Say you know about me
I know about you
I know

You know that moment
When your best friend becomes
Your worst enemy

Well I would have done anything for you
And now all I'd do
Is laugh when you fall on your face!

Is this the healthy way to look at it?

Heaven hold me open as I throw my soul in this
Because it's much too far to fall
I need that light to lead me on
And even as I walk again still even as I breath
the path of the enlightened
As enraptured by all bliss

From when the horns begin to call
I needed strength
I heard the song
And even as I walk again

Still even as I breathe

Not lead me far from home the only truth I've ever known
Shelter from the storm
Keep me comfortable and warm
Still even as I walk again with each and every breath
The path of the most wicked
The misguided and the sinful

Yet the horn began to call
I needed strength
I heard the song
And even as I walk again

Still even as i breathe

I prefer building bridges
Instead of building walls

I feel somehow the star that shines brightest
Is too far away from me to see

I love the brilliance of the sun in the morning
Blessing us with benevolency

But I know that its light will just conceal
Stars shining in a way I want to feel

But I can't live on strangely constituted belief
And stars I'll never reach

So burn for me outside of my horizon
As the most beautiful star

And even if I can't see you with my ever searching eyes
Know I will always want you

Be a star in the night outside of my sight
But still touching my soul

It only means
It only seems
My only means
Are to an end

Break

The end
         The break
The end
        When we
                    Are all
                               Broken

And I can't count how many times I've been broken
                           Not on my hands
                         I do not have hands
Because......

If I had hands


They would be holding you now

Break


Break the sky
Break the land
Break the skin
With brutal blades
                       That I cannot hold

I have no hands
That are not broken

I picture something broken
With something beautiful growing out of it
I don't know what's to come
Or what's to be
Or how to take it
But I know that I'll accept it
If its fated I expect that
No matter what it is
Its a part of who I'll be
I try to keep my strength
And my faith that I can make it
And even if I lose
Not lose the better part of me
I picture something broken
With something beautiful growing out of it

The disappearing nature of things
A man with hammers in hands
And pain in his heart
Breaking apart walls and sidewalks
Everything
He falls in love with
Do we wonder which way the wind blows?
Well
I only wanted to say I love you
But I can't be happy
Not until your broken
Broken like me

Three strings
On a warped neck
Frets are missing
The bridge is cracked
And the tuning pegs
Just wont turn
Its out of tune
All out of tune

But I have a song
I have to sing
So I play on
My broken guitar

I have, in my den, a broken lamp
Only decoration now in darkness
But I still remember how
The colors on my wall made me feel

The stove in my kitchen does not turn on



I'm only feeling what man is meant to feel


My love is but a light
With no switch

I rue the day
When the change came
And any promise I made
Felt empty

I know as much
I can mean what I say
But break my promise
Anyway

And it hurts me
That I am the reason
You'll never believe in me
Or my words

Science explains why we bruise
And even tries explaining why we hurt
How can I make it through tomorrow?
There will be no flowers blooming
Not in the spring

I guess its just metaphorical suicide
Reason doesn't come in to play
Just agony
Gnawing
The recollections of when I knew the sun would rise
And forgiveness
The squall of it all

What would wisdom tell me?
Both hands
I grab so tight I can't hold
Even wisdom won't help me now
As I delve deeper into darkness than I knew one could go
What would the future tell me?

As it dawns on me
Like the sun from the east
The world is flat
The heavens are a blanket
And seals are on every one of the stars
Unlatched but if he says they are

How can I accept?

But to know

I am strong
But not strong
Strong enough to accept
Not strong enough to control

Still these bruises on my heart
These bruises
There is not a science on earth to explain
The pain I feel right now

I'm worried about my heart
From the pre-cambrian period
To the advent of modern medicine
My heart beat with feeling in the mesoderm

Put your fire
With my fire
And we'll burn brighter
Burn brighter

And I feel my heart is weak
Maybe it stops when the beat drops
And I'll be dead on a stage
While the band still plays

I'm worried about my heart
From the pre-cambrian period
To the advent of modern medicine
My heart beat with feeling in the mesoderm

Put your fire
With my fire
And we'll burn brighter
Burn brighter

And I feel my heart is weak
Maybe it stops when the beat drops
And I'll be dead on a stage
While the band still plays

I'm worried about my heart
From the pre-cambrian period
To the advent of modern medicine
My heart beat with feeling in the mesoderm

Put your fire
With my fire
And we'll burn brighter
Burn brighter

And I feel my heart is weak
Maybe it stops when the beat drops
And I'll be dead on a stage
While the band still plays

All my focus elsewhere
Not in the present
Here and now
Energy cut off from the roots
And the follow through
Is there any other option

Tear itself apart from the inside
Or fall from its own weight

I'm burning my bridges
Both behind me

And in front of me

You may disagree with what I say
But
Poetry is supposed to have teeth
And if you disagree
That means I win
Because I made you feel something

You may not like my point of view
But
Poetry is a form of expression
A means to protest
Its not for the faint of heart
Its for the strong in thought

And to be true

The greatest poets of all time
Are the most controversial

At least they were in their own time

Only a pattern of happenstance
It's all it ever was
It's all we ever want
A linear progression of repetition
And evolution will never explain
Theories we can prove
Faith based on belief
But buzzards and doves are birds  

And the living room is underwater
And there are dinosaurs in every room
And the next logical step
Is for us to invent time travel
It was a random sequence of memories
That grew under the Sun
And grew under the moon
And it is the basis for what will be    

  It was the way that we a perceive
Pre conceived notions
And the money of nations
It's this reality that is more like a dream  
And the eruption was felt in the kitchen
The lava is flowing building islands
Where we can invest in condos
And share time on white sand beaches

I have to go
To fight a war
I have to go
But I'll return

There is a sorrow creeping on a lonely soul
Sitting a raven on a statue of Aphrodite
Buzzards and doves
Buzzards and doves

I have to go
A call to arms
I have to go
But I'll return
When all the battles are won

There is a grey cloud with a terrible face
Menacing eyes and scowling jawls
A feeding vulture
A bird of paradise

Buzzards and doves
Buzzards and doves

I have to go
But never leave
I have to go
But you are with me
In all the battles won
In the peace of a soldier marching home
I have to go
But I'll return

Buzzards and doves
Buzzards and doves
And me a crow
Fighting for a soul

Would I exchange all my love
To be ruler
Of an empty kingdom?

I don't care much for politics
I don't trust any politician
Not Donald Trump
Not Hillary Clinton

Elections are coming
I won't be voting

I wouldnt call myself conservative
Though i live within my means
I wouldnt call myself progressive
Though ive done a discount double check

I sit in a darkened room
Consumed by bitter memories
Of happier times
I sit in a darkened room
The candle you lit
It's not a light for me

Madly beautiful
I should never have a thought
A stray cat in a parking lot
And this is the real world
While I live in dreams
That cannot be

I thought of you
When the fires of hell
Came blaring through my radio
As I drove to another place
I could never call home
You cannot be

Only your name
A song of blissful spring
I want to be an instrument
In an orchestra
I want to play a part
I cannot be

I try and I try
I see the stars
A golden chandelier
Something to wish upon
I reach and I reach
To the stars
A timeless beacon
But I never can
I never will

And try as I might
And might as I try
Some things will forever
Elude me

I try and I try
To be timeless
A rising moon
In sudden darkness
I reach and I reach
For that stage in the sky
Where the downtrodden
Understand the angels

Still try as I might
And keeping the fight
There are always forces
I cannot control

I try and I try
I long for without desire
I burn without fire
My heart beats a rhythm
But all the stars
And all the moons
And all the heavenly stages
Are all I cannot reach

I just want something
I can never have
Try as I might
And night after night

I cannot reach

When I finally let go
I can't believe I have
I wonder at my past
I doubt the feelings I lack
I miss the love I gave
The songs I sang

When I finally let go
I can't believe I have
I can't believe in anything

Because I've seen the stars
I've read the signs
I've watched the clouds cast shadows
I've listened to the spirits

And I know I can't be wrong

If you can't read the signs
You'll be going down the wrong road
In the opposite direction
From where you want to be
And you may not find out
Until its too late to turn back

And the truth is everywhere
In the stars and in the air
Still if you don't know to look
You can't read the signs

And no one else can show you
I could try but know its no use
You have eyes but your living blind
You can't read the signs

Still if its early in the spring
When the first weeds start to growing
And their roots are not yet deep
But you don't take heed
If you just leave them be
They'll overgrow the garden

Weight don't fall on me
I carry so much
As a lost and lonesome pilgrim
I venture with empty hands
This my blessing
This my burden
My heavy heart
My hopeful oath
Intrepid
As I do not know tomorrow
As friend
Or enemy
I only know the sky is looming
With promise and deception
I still must carry on
Knowing some day must bring a dawn
Some days become the night
Sometimes to hold together
Others to fall apart
heaven help me

I still must carry on
not knowing if you see the stars when I do
not knowing the moon
forgetting the meaning of the scars
was once my dream
has always been my curse
my broken heart
my beating heart
undaunted
I can see pain is my friend
she has always been there for me
I see the writing in the stars
I can see your name
the promise and the hope
the lonesome feeling
the creeping melancholy
the gloom that lingers long
I know I have to live without
I don't know how I can
heaven help me

Weight don't fall on me
I carry so much
A lost and lonesome pilgrim
My empty hands
This my blessing
This my curse
My loss of faith
My hopeful oath
I journey on
Intrepid
I do not know tomorrow
I only know the sky is looming
With promise and deception
Some days bring with them dawn
Some days become the night
Forgiven
Or forsaken
Heaven help me

Pack it up and move along
Load it up again
Turn on the radio
In a u-haul truck
An old familiar song
The same meaning
In a new home

These cardboard boxes
Take on a meaning alone
My home was not my own
And the only life I've known
Was just a short time
When I'm looking forever

Tape it up and load it
Duck tape or Scotch
Like the many pieces
Which hold together my heart
And hold together these boxes
Containing my life
Containing my heart

My cardboard heart
Has a meaning unknown
My love was not my own
And all the love I've shown
Was just a short time
When I was looking forever

The Superbowl
And everyone in America knows
But they don't know
I watched every single game of a 1 and 15 season

See it,
          seize it
Deal
With the consequences
Later.  

Right Now
For happiness

Why wait until tomorrow?

The city doesn't cry without me
She delivered me a hot piece
Stick in my throat
That even the streets that slept with me
Are dying tonight
Catering the afterglow

Why would you
Tear me up inside?
My feet barely on the ground
Why would she
Tear me up inside?
When my back was always

The city against the wall
No outlines tonight
I can breathe

Oh Tantalus!
How I understand you
Let this pool of water be a punishment
Let these low hanging branches be torture
Because you cannot drink
Cannot enjoy the fruit

A broken handle on a cauldron
It cannot be moved
The pheasant inside cannot be eaten
A transformation cannot be made
The rain stops
Aversion comes

Oh Tantalus!
As you sigh and weep your fate
Miserable and despairing
At what has been wrought upon you
I pray as the cauldron spills
You understand me

And then the night sky was alive
I imagined the fourth of July
Fireworks
And forest fires
And unidentified flying objects

Sky alive
I'm alive
And I celebrate
Because a fire I started
Burns out of control
Jumping from page to page
From soul to soul

And then my mind was alive
Running to and fro
Finding friends
And starting trends
While honoring old ones

I celebrate
Because the dam I blew up
Was enough to innundate
This stupid city

And if most are drowning
Im still pretty sure
There are some strong swimmers
Yet left amongst the survivors
Who aren't merely treading water

Sky alive
I'm alive
It's a celebration
City's drowning
So am I
A happy devastation

You play with the light of the universe
You place the stars within my sight

its only a distant world I'm trying to reach
My ever eternal home

You paint color onto the dark
You place the blue iris in my eyes

And the empty space between the stars
Can only be filled by your love

You dance with the dying suns
And move within me as my heart beat

And even the blood I bleed
Spills to spell your name

Your mind is a shining cosmos
Containing every part of me

You were born as a supernova
You are my beginning and my end

Your love is the first star
And the last one

Im not even allowed to hold such thoughts....
S     E                       I scream in silence,
   C      A                   Fearful of lurking listeners,
       R      M              Eavesdroppers when dreams are not
                    S       allowed.
                                    Dreams are not allowed,
                                      I say a prayer out loud,
                                    Dreams are not allowed,
                                      I say a prayer out loud.
I see death even from many thousands of miles away,
I see it forming lines under a dragons eyes,
I see it loaded into trains by loaded guns
Just a commodity to be shipped off,
Forever away...
To a place that even the hopeful close their eyes,
Because to look is to see no hope,
Just starving dogs,
And swarms of flies.

There is a black hole at the center of the universe,
But im not allowed to say,
A finger pointed in the direction of the darkness,
The rotten corrupted evil,
The truth that is the hatred that can live in man's heart,
When life implies death,
And you only feel yourself as a stranger in the world...

I was never allowed to say,
Just shouted down and told to stay,
                                                           ­  in silence.
To even censor my fears,
As they grow in the east.
I've been called so many things I forgot my name,
I forgot my name,
Just a stranger in the world,
Who wants love when love is hate,
And good is evil,
And truth is fiction.
My fears grow in the east and grow in the land,
And in the streets,
And the sorrow is a flower dead on the vine.

I woke up to all the symbols losing meaning
The changing lights are changed
The moon can hang low enough to reach
What can be seen
Only when we close our eyes

I have to live
Even if the lines are changing
And the scene is not the same it used to be
I have to love
I give my blood without bleeding

Take in time
A particle
A memory
The way the waves
The way the sun

I woke up to a different dream
Where the kiss of heaven brought me blue
And my life spent staring at the stars
Was all in vain
When I was only becoming

I have to live
Find god through self discovery
As the stars that hang bright over me
Hang somberly
In a different place in the sky

If the world is changing
So can I

I grew up in darkness
In darkness I would find the heartless
The heartless
Found out that it’s empty
My bones break
Burning towards daylight
And my life
My life

I would start a fire
To feel warmth
I ignite the city
Its my choice
And my voice
Shouting to the heavens
To feel love
To find love
As the city burns around me
So hopeless

And there never was an answer
A dancer
Moving the the fire
The fire
But I was born in water
And the coast
Is waiting on the sunrise
Its alright
I step into the daylight
The daylight
Shines into my eyes
Its alright

I put the past behind me
Im new now
Lifting up my hands now
The most high
I’ve never been in my life
In my life
The only thing that matters
Is the truth
The truth that never changes
And changes

time is late
I go hungry today
changing fields
I can still see the sun for the moon
hold it fast
help me be a rising tide

changing fields

I can move
find where the birds have gone
changing lines
I know I can only ever find
what is shown
I stare at constellations

changing fields
changing minds
choosing truth
that I find
a field where there is game

that I eat
that I be full
                                  that we all eat

c                   s
    h           l        a
e          c                 m
          i


C     those were
               honest laughs    H
   E          honey
             d
               r
             i
               P                 M
            p
               I
I         n
             g
seratonoin
have a dose of dopamine
    let me
          touch your       C
A                 oxytocin
           it's all                     L
I want to do

S

I fell asleep
Beneath a cherry blossom
Because the spring had made it bloom
And it reminded me of you

I fell asleep
Beneath a cherry blossom
Because your lost to me and gone foervever
But it was like sleeping next to you

Again

I fell asleep
Beneath the cherry blossom
Because I had no other choice
My heart told me to

I fell asleep
Beneath the cherry blossom
Because I had no place I should be
And it felt like home to me

A part of my soul
Goes to Chicago
Where you can never see any stars
But the seer's tower
Stands miles high
And from the top you can witness the world

Become again
My conversation with god showed me
A light
A way
We never choose to fall
But none can tell me I cannot walk this earth
This dirt
This soil
A light
A way
My hands only busy for a while
My mind finding only deepest parts
Not a choice
To fall
A choice
To stand back up again

This tree has stood for
One hundred and forty years
Weather beaten oak
It's roots go so deep
Not even the wild winds
Of hurricanes
Can uproot it

A symbol of strength
Endurance
It has conquered all it has seen
With it's shimmering leaves
It's sturdy limbs
It's rugged bark

This tree is a testament to nature
Then along comes the man with an axe

Last Christmas
45 mph
Straight into a tree
A stabwound on my palm
Meant for my heart
And a miles long sojourn
Through the darkest of night
Last Christmas
The last thought on my mind
Was this
Christmas

I was walking carrying a fire through the middle of Arctic tundra during December when I decided I had a need so I lit my cigarette from the embers of a fire I had just extinguished

The wind was howling screaming names and carrying faces I had long since forgotten about because the pain of remembering was too unbearable and I hit my cigarette twice as hard

And the more determined I was the fiercer the blizzard grew until my eyes were frozen shut and my fingers too numb too hold on from what I can only describe as frost bite, or maybe just loss of wanting to feel at all

And as frozen as I was I still found a source of warmth inside of what spiritual people call their soul but what I merely call my pride or my inability to admit I was wrong

I hit my cigarette in the midst of barren frozen pain and I realized that no matter the coldness I felt I still found a way to enjoy it

"Quit,"
She says
"Quit,
Just quit
I know you can if you want to
So just do it.
You can do anything"
And I see poetry
In confused conversation
Its almost as though she's saying
That she believes in me

As each star is a home to some unknown
My own hands reach into darkness
Alone
We're in this together
I only want to know
Prices being so high
The more I buy
The deeper the debt my heart becomes
All I pay
Resounding depth
Remind me why I came
And if I have a name
Speak it softly as the oncoming morning
As the unknown the stars contain
Find their rest
And answers find my every question
Right now is all my skin
Forever
Muscles moving fingers
Image in mind
I can't create
Unless you are real
Alone
We're in this together