I don't think you have the slightest
about the alarm that goes off
when your arm brushes against mine.
It says WARNING.
Be careful.
Just too close.
Like the lady at the museum,
who wore wild red curls,
that extended and gripped the viewers
who were centimeters away from the paintings.
"TOO CLOSE!"
So when you grabbed me,
and ran miles around my mind,
before I had to moment to find
the courage to say- "I think we're going too fast,"
My heart would have told you with every
song it skipped.
My spotify woud have told you that I was not ready.
Because every second I spend alone
is occupied not with thoughts of you-
I'm sorry.
You're new.
But thoughts of the many daggers that have be thrown
into my bones.
And you're not him, thankfully.
But I'm so very sad about that too.
I know your shoelaces will stay tied.
I know you're in it for the ride.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
Thank you.
For keeping him off my mind for few moments.
I'm sitting in my room,
thinking of how many kisses he's consumed.
****. ****. ****.
Why did he fit the bill for me?
You're beyond that entirely.
Why don't you fit the bill for me?
Am I only drawn to beatings?
Have I tasted so much defeat,
that I can't ever allow myself a victory?

I'm lost and I'm scared and I'm sorry you are there.

I miss loving you-
because I know you did not love me
and my love was all that kept us alive.
I'm going to pretend we are dead and gone,
so that this new me can learn to thrive.
I'll mourn at our gravestone, until I can't anymore.
Take all the stops and write you **** poetry.
Find the dead flowers you've left in your trash.
I won't take our last name off of your door.
I still sleep on the right side of the bed,
and search for your toes.
I search for your snores.
How do you block someone from your head?
You were good at it.
Or at least it looked like it.
Your fingers moved quickly,
deleted and removed,
deceived and disproved.
Rubbed ******* over your heart.
You never looked at me when I cried.
You just asked me why.
Called me pathetic.
Told me to die.
You knew I'd never know.
That you just cheated on me...
You just cheated on me.
You knew I'd never know,
you forgot about me.
Forgot about us.
I can't forget.
But I know I am so much bigger than what we were.

He tried to defend you.
Said it was her idea-
somehow that made me feel
somehow that made me realize
how much of a **** you really were.
The temptation was too great-
99% sure it was her idea, he said.
Empathize, *****.
That's what I saw in those off-sides lines.
Before, I was blinded by the idea-
that her level of betrayal was stronger than yours.
That's saddening.
Considering how we were supposed to fit together
like puzzle pieces-
and my true loyalty could not be matched,
with your jagged edges of uncertainty.
**** that ****, dude.
You've got me ****** up.
I loved, and I lost.
It's okay now, I'm picking up the pieces
you decided to apologize for and leave
quickly out the door.
Escape to her empty *****.
It won't ever feel as warm and comforting,
I promise.
If there's one thing that'll stay true-
it'll be the memory of how I loved you.

Before I sleep-
I whisper prayers into pillows,
that you only be as essential
as I make you.
And every night my own sheets
become less foreign
and the memory
of your warmth every morning
becomes distant enough
to be forgotten.

You cocked your head to the side,
smiling at the sight before you.
This meant you were happy.
Or amused.
Or in love.
Or all of the above.
You hold the world with a laugh.
What could he not grasp?
What he lacked was tact.
The commitment component.
He let you go for a moment
of what he believed was relief.
He was running from himself.
You were running from your grief.
A dead doll replaced you.
Shake your head in disbelief.
A dead doll couldn't face you.
She could not speak.
She should not speak.
If she wishes to keep her voice.
You'll strip her of her dreams.
You'll strip her of her choice.
Just like she did you.
The decision was made.
He'll fall away.
He'll fall away.
You'll run too far.
The moment was too long.
What he did was too wrong.
There's no flying back.
The cloud has now gone.
You're to smile to the masses,
and pretend you are strong.
Kiss your new grasses,
sing a new song.

Please shut her up, shut her up, shut her up,
there's a girl screaming in the foyer
and I can't sleep.
She wants to go outside and play in the leaves,
she wants the foods she likes and to walk in the streets.
It's seven in the morning and we haven't gotten rest,
I can't scold her,
I can't hold her.
She needs your touch.
She needs your gaze,
She stops screaming
when we're on the same page.
So shut her up, baby boy,
It's only you that can.
I've lost control long ago,
when you ******* my hands.
Drained the oceans in my eyes,
stole the clouds in my head,
and placed flowers at my heart.
Please shut her up.