i have a good cry
over the lives
i did not get to live

"oh, he's horribly depressed,"
she said with a smile.

i was used to it:
the settling, unsettling
but never settling in
never settling down.

When you’re in hell
And it seems impossible
To escape it

When you don’t know
Who to believe any more

When you are tired
Of the threats
Of an angry world

Believe in yourself
Believe

Pay no heed
To the honeyed voices
Of money chasers

Hold no court
With jealous naysayers

Trust in the flame
That burns
In the deepest layers
Of your life

After all
True joy
Only lies within

This painful road
Will turn

The fresh breeze
Of a new beginning

Awaits

But are not the scandalous rumors,
the jealous lovers,
and inglorious *******,
born of passion?

happy anniversary
you let me **** your flaccid ****
then let me go
naked
wet
exposed
nothing but your ***** sheets
to shield me from your sting
"i dont feel the same way"
you said
every
word
a
nail
in
my
coffin.

Self care is showering 
for the first time in a week
It's remembering to eat
And pushing through my anxiety 
when the phone rings

Self care is gritty
It's ***** and rough and almost living

Learning to love myself is a dark, twisted path
full of thickets and chiggers 
and shadows trying to lure me astray

It's trying to understand
that I am worth more than my broken parts
That I can be more than a peach pit heart
with arsenic pumping through my veins

Self care is knowing no one can save me from me
I will rescue myself
I can be my own hero

Self care is broken knuckles and ****** knees
from fighting my own castle walls
It is meeting myself in a battle of will
and being aware I might not succeed

Self care is pushing on,
when all the signs scream run away,
because I've been running for too long

So, at least for now,
I'll face the danger of self care