Why would I want to go to sleep not knowing if I'll wake up and feel happiness tomorrow?
To wake up and feel as I do right now would be disappointing and disorienting.
For what it's worth, I will wake up to see the light come and fade away again, bringing back the same darkness I've adapted to.
And I will stare at the light until it burns holes in my eyes
until i can see myself in the light because i need to be the light of my own life
I need to feel again
I need to step out of the darkness and embrace the warmth, for I will not fall victim to the darkness nor will I call it my home.
I am a nomad moving to and fro, but I will revisit the darkness
it lingers in my mind and for every breath I take I inhale a second time.

It's 3am*
When will I be okay?
It'll get better they say
I've just gotten more comfortable with my stay

Weird words of working men
Collar wearing ******
Peacemakers clanging swords
Breastplates of hate
I watch us all get churched
On the ways of cruelty

I can’t stop crying
Cause love used to be
So beautiful to me
Two men holding hands
To friends kissing publicly
No shaming

Now there is violence
We break the silence
With days of silence
But it never seems
To stop the screams
And suicides
Children hang out
Flailing lifelessly
The memory haunts me
Even though it is not mine

Pale boy loves a brown boy
Sweet proclamations
Of their affections
Poetic exultations
Holding each other
As their salvation
To be loved is a wonderful thing
To be touched is a mercy

But fire burns to close
To the core of fury
Angry faces hide behind
Masks
We ask
For love
But brutality
Is their response
And now the saltine sorrow
Overflows
The ocean grows
As one more love
Is demolished
And the world becomes
A lot darker

John Keats
John Keats
John
Please put your scarf on.

delete

The last bird
in the last tree
will sing
What else
would he do?