Messages,
Notifications,
Anyone of them,
I just want to hear,
From you,
Not too much.

Questions,
Answers,
All I want to do,
With you,
Not too hard.

But, I'm here,
Waiting for you,
And, you're there,
Waiting for her.

This feeling of anticipation is bringing me up and down on a roller coaster. I thought I was done, I guess I'm wrong.

Nothing much,
nothing more.

It was cherished,
As it was appreciated,
But it came all too fast,
To be gone too soon.

She was nothing but optimistic,
Too happy,
Too cheerful,
Too happy go lucky.

Until it all came tumbling down,
To have nothing,
And everything gone,
In the blink of an eye.

She was all but optimistic,
Too sad,
Too dull,
Too scared.

For having too much,
Feeling too much,
For knowing that,
All happiness comes with a price.

And it all became a cycle,
To knowing too much,
Then being thrown over the edge,
The cycle that has ever been known to her.

Life is so fragile I could cry,
But I never tell you how I felt,
What if the feelings just don't make sense?

But I get a feeling like I'm camouflaged,
Fortress around my heart.

I don't wanna say goodbye,
But I have to catch my ride.

Gone are the fond memories we made,
Gone are the poems I wrote for you,
Gone are the little things we do.

Lost, I am.

Gone, we are.

Tonight,
As you reach the airport,
I'll be home,
Wishing you wouldn't leave.

Tonight,
As you pass the custom,
I'll be home,
Wishing I passed your mind; for once at least.

Tonight,
As you board the plane,
I'll be home,
Wishing you stayed.

Side by side,
Skin touched,
Excitement aroused.

Caressed your cheek,
Held my hand,
Gave it a kiss.

Fingers entangled,
Laid next to you,
T'was miraculous.

Let's admit this,
We regret what we did,
We regret what we signed up for.

Let's admit this,
We made eye contact,
We felt the chemistry.

I'll admit this,
I'm lovestruck.

I like,
The way you smile,
How it starts from your dimples,
To the crescent of your eyes.
How they shine and sparkle,
With lots to decipher.

I like,
The way you walk,
How straight your back is,
To the stern look on your face.
How your footsteps can never be heard,
As you glide your way.

I like,
The way you talk,
How soft your voice is,
To boasting your white neat teeth.
How you would add a smile at the end,
Which soothes all problems.

I like,
How I'm able to watch you from afar,
How you'll never notice me,
As I observe you.

Some part of me wants you back,
Another part of me wants you to stay away.
Some part of me gets jealous,
Another part of me just doesn't want to care.
Some part of me breaks,
Another part of me erects a wall.
Some part of me cries,
Another part of me is resisting.
Some part of me is real,
Another part of me is fake.
Some part of me wants to admit,
Another part of me is stoping me.

Some part of me still loves you,
Another part of me harbours hatred.

Speak up, they say.
Even if you're against everyone.
Voice out, they say.
It's your opinion.
Don't be shy, they say.
Nobody will judge you.

I spoke up.
Menacing looks were shot.
I voiced out.
They did not listen.
I wasn't shy.
They judged me.

Controversy, be your loyalty.

I can shine light on you,
I can laugh,
I can share my thoughts with you,
I can keep secrets,
I can hide all of you in me.

I have weaknesses,
I have problems,
I have feelings,
I have my doubts,
I have all of you in me.

Till the day you left,
Without a single word,
I can now cry a river,
I have questions now.

Why was it her over me?
Why did you leave?
Why did you break me?
Why did you shatter me?

I need answers.

Because I just can't seem to find you in me now.

We wear the crocodiles on our bodies and the sleek tick on our feet. We drive the luxuries and own a yard. We carry the names in our head and the money we swapped for it. We have the sceneries and the accessories. Yet, we don't see it.

Aren't we all just another pawn, for those living above? Aren't we all walking advertisements, for those living high? Yet, we don't see it.

Life is like music,
Sailing through the accélérandos and ritardandos,
Sometimes a little crescendo with a hint of decrescendo,
The melody so sweet,
But do not get deceived,
For life is a prelude,
And the composers are ever changing.

Sometimes, I wonder,
Why can't the sky be always blue?
Why can't white do something good?
Instead of surrendering,
Why can't there be something between us?

But, I realise now,
That somethings cannot turn out well,
The sky can't always be painted blue,
And white signifies surrender,
There will never be you and I,
Because we are the things that cannot work out.

She's down,
Dejected,
Mishaps of the past few days,
Taking a toll on her.

She's frustrated,
Annoyed,
Karma from her previous lives,
Served on her plate.

She's confused,
Full of thoughts,
These has all dawned upon her,
What has she ever done.

Don't compare,
Don't worry,
Don't startle,
Don't panic.

She wants to scream,
Jump, cry, sleep.
Gone by the minute,
She wants to laugh.

Or much rather, cry.

I miss you, honestly.

And I'd spend my hours,
Sitting here,
Thinking about what I could write,
Yet nothing comes.

You aren't here.

We have a connection,
Stars connected in constellation,
Eyes locked upon each other,
We knows there's something one way or another.

I'm hoping you saw,
The way I looked at you,
The desire I had for you,
The smile that shone, just for you.

I'm hoping you felt,
What I have for you,
The excitement when you appeared,
The disappointment as you left.

I'm hoping you know,
The feelings I've garnered for you,
While you held her waist,
Smiling brightly as ever.

We were strained,
For god knows what happened,
No longer the same,
For we both know there's something in our lanes.

And so I went to sleep,
Thinking things will never change,
That we'll be like this,
But I woke up smiling.

You were there,
Laying on the floor,
Tapping on your iPhone 9,
For what dimension we were in, I don't know.

And I decided to sit down,
And converse,
Where the guts came from,
I don't know.

As if sitting down wasn't enough,
I lied down next to you,
Still playing with your phone,
Intrigued with the apps in it.

And you moved closer to me,
Tucked your head into my neck,
Wrapped your hands around me,
And I smiled.

Patted your head,
And told you,
Someone's downstairs,
But you didn't care.

There we were,
How I always wanted things to be,
But it took a wrong turn,
And I never wanted to admit it,
But it hurts, to see that this is all a dream.

Deep within her soul,
She knows all the lies you've told.
All the foul,
Have now unfold.

Deep regret you'll be,
But you'll never get me.

After all, it is fated,
The feelings we had are now gated.

All locked up in a cage,
We'll all be in rage.

Let this be the end for both you and I. May we never meet again. For if we do, shall we start again.

Shall we be in deep awe of love, till this very day we couldn't decipher, what went wrong between us.

Let's return to places we've been, let's go back to laughters that were oh so sweet, never to forget those oh so fond memories.

Have this wall been never erected, bond that was never lost, flame that never extinguished our love.

What would our future hold? When would that spark ignite again? Will there be us?

When will the sky fall
And when will the leaves stop dancing to the wind?

When will the colours fade
Till all that's left are black and white?

When will the buildings collapse
And rumble till the earth is flat once again?

Oh why did I ever return,
To the heart where problems lie,
Where troubles are soon to catch up,
Where sleepless nights are spent.

Oh why did I ever leave,
The place that holds my heart dearly,
Where memories were made and cherished,
Where all I did was enjoy the ride.

Oh why have I come,
To this state where,
Lying like a starfish on my bed,
Doesn't feel comfortable at all.

And after so long,
You're back again,
Lingering in my mind,
Just like how you did,
But never realised.