On the clouds
I lie
Candlelight
Illuminates the night like
a firefly
I am deep, far-fallen
into the land of sleep
Mars' volcanic activity
Giving light 
To my dreams

I am calm

Since they crippled me,
I thought I’d grow wings.
Though I don’t remember how it felt when I first walked
But I still remember my last walk.
I still remember how the grass felt under my naked feet
I remember putting on shoes the last time I walked
I remember running and being taller.
These are now just my memories
And since they crippled me,
I thought I’d grow wings.

Am I diseased that you’re treating me ?
Did I do something wrong that you’re looking down on me ?
Am I a helpless animal that you’re showing me pity ?
You think you’re being empathetic but its still sympathy
But the wind against my face is a symphony
As I grow wings
To feel the wind in my hair
To feel the equivalent of running
I feel the fresh air fill my lungs
Even though I am crippled,
I grew wings.

Since I grew wings,
I can see the crippled me
Lying there in peace and in silence.
I can finally see the smile that had been lost
Since they had crippled me.

I.
if you'd never told me you loved me
i wouldn't be lying awake at 3:03am wishing you were besides me
i wouldn't see lovers together & burn flames of envy
the pangs of missing you wouldn't cause me to skip meals
i wouldn't spend all my time wanting to hurry back home & so that i could talk to you
i wouldn't worry all the time about how you were doing without me
my body would not crave your touch
my heart would not slowly fade away
my mind would not constantly be haunted by the memories of us
if you'd never told me you loved me


II.
if you'd never told me you loved me
i would be lying awake at 3:03am wondering how i could get you to love me despite all my numerous flaws
i would see lovers together & my frail heart would crash & burn knowing we'd never be together
i would skip meals over meals, filling my stomach with the "what ifs"
i would spend all my time wanting to talk to you, even though you weren't mine
i would worry all the time about how you were doing without me when i was fading away without you
my body would crave your touch
my heart would slowly fade away
my mind would constantly be haunted by the the thought of me & you never becoming an "us"
if you'd never told me you loved me


III.
if you'd never told me you loved me
i wouldn't have been able to stay up till 3:03am and later giggling on the phone with you hoping my laughter wouldn't wake the whole house
i wouldn't see lovers together & know that i had my very own back at home
i wouldn't be skipping meals just because of the butterlies in my stomach everytime i'd think of you
i wouldn't be able to spend all my time talking to you, being with you, making memories with you
i wouldn't be able to pick up the phone & call you whenever i worried about you
my body wouldn't have been able to feel your touch
my heart would never have felt so much pure love
my mind would never be able to keep itself occupied in the wondrous memories of us
if you'd never told me you loved me


-
*if you'd never told me you loved me,
i would still die loving you.
there is good & bad in everything,
but to die not knowing you felt the same way
well, that would be death of the worst kind

i guess what i'm trying to say is,
thank you for telling me you love me