The Lonely Remnants

The Lonely Remnants Aug 3

LLC

He loves me, he loves me not,
I pick petals off flowers like I count days passing in a week,
My future depends on the outcome of wishbones, fallen eyelashes, and blowing dandelions,
I love people like sunsets,
Enamored by their beauty, but they always leave too soon,
If only I could learn lessons as easy as I learn people,
No matter how little time I have before you disappear behind the horizon, I will have memorized all the pieces that make you,
I listen for you in everything I hear, I look for you in everything I see,
Lately things have been so blue, not like the blue in your eyes, or the lilies and delphinium,
Sometimes you’re the only ray of light on my dark days,
And maybe when night comes to stay, we’ll only have ever been short time lovers,
But your seat at my table will always be open,
And I will always feel so lucky to have experienced the magic you brought to me.

The Lonely Remnants Jun 2022

I’m Eclipsing

What do you do?
What do you do when you’ve exhausted every other option?
When it finally sinks in that no one will ever love you as much as you love them?
When no other feeling is real.
And pain starts to feel comforting.
What now?
Please.
What can I do?
You’re sand slipping through my fingers.
You do it on purpose.
All of you.
You’re all oceans,
And I’m a cliffside.
Breaking off pieces of me every time it storms.
It’s always brighter when I’m getting darker.
I’m eclipsing.
You’re just seeing glimpses of light peaking from my shadow.
I can’t see you anymore.
And you can only look at me through tinted glasses.
If it was the other way, everything would be different.
I would look at you till my eyes burned out.
I would destroy myself to make sure you’re the only thing I’d ever see.
A vision permanently etched in.
I wish someone could love me that much.
Just when I thought I had nothing left, I lost more.
So, what do you do?
What do you do when you’ve exhausted every other option?
When it finally sinks in that no one will ever love you as much as you love them?
When no other feeling is real.
And pain starts to feel comforting.
What now?
Please.
What can I do?

#hopeless #please #advice #nothing #scared

The Lonely Remnants Mar 2021

That Old, Familiar Pull

That old familiar pull.
I feel like an old man who’s lost his wife.
He’s still here. Trying to take it one day at a time
But she calls to him
The siren song of an old friend
Wading in the waters of time
But mine isn’t a lost lover
Mine is that dark and eerie feeling of impending doom
That old familiar pull that tugs me away from the present
We live my life together
Watching from just above my body
That horrible horrible feeling is the only thing that’s ever really stayed
Always stepping on my toes when we slow dance in my head
Our silence is harmonious
Forever filling in my empty spots
I drift away in its cold arms
That old familiar pull
It’s the soft pillow I scream into
The burning in my throat
The ringing in my ears
The sweet reminder that I can be somebody else, by not being anyone at all.

The Lonely Remnants Jan 2021

Nothing Left.

It’s just you here. They’re all gone. You’re talking to yourself like usual. Trying desperately to fill that ravenous need to talk to someone, to have someone to listen to. You’ve been walking in a circle, talking in a circle. The conversation can’t change. It’s only you here. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. There is nothing. Nothing. Nothing. I’m sorry. It’s only you.

The Lonely Remnants Apr 2019

One Day

Kitten,
Princess,
Sweet cheeks.
They feel like a kiss on the forehead,
Like fingers through your hair,
Like feet gently touching under covers,
They feel like “I love you”.
But I know they’re not.
I don’t want to hurt you,
And you don’t want to hurt me.
But how does that work if we’re both already hurt?
I’m stuck in the past,
You’re living in the present,
And there is no future.
This can’t be forever.
If only I could find someone who talks to me like you do, treats me like you do, makes me feel the way you do,
But they’re someone who wants to keep me.
Someone who will love me for more than a day.
But maybe that just isn’t out there for me.
Maybe a day is the most I’ll ever get.

I miss writing. So here’s some ****.

#lost #over #forever #never #love

The Lonely Remnants Nov 2018

Growing

I don’t know who I am.
Sometimes I feel like I’m not even real.
Not dead, just a little lost.
But very much alive.
Maybe, too alive.
Always thinking
I think until I self destruct
I think until I destroy every bit of reality
Breathing, living, existing.
All for nothing.
But it doesn’t hurt anymore.
I’ve come to accept insignificance.
Processed that there is no true meaning.
Nothing has a meaning.
If there’s no meaning, I can’t truly ruin everything.
With no meaning, comes emptiness but a little peace too.
Maybe I will find contentment in my absolute, utter uselessness.
Maybe, being nothing is okay.

Just some thoughts in my head

#nothing #emptiness #happiness #what

The Lonely Remnants May 2018

Not What They Wanted

Breathe in, breathe out, then die.
That’s what I’ve done for the past 4,271,344 seconds, and I’m exhausted.
I don’t want to breathe anymore.
I don’t want to do anything anymore.
I’m not even scared of dying, I am so so scared of living though.
I wrote them a letter about who I am.
Who I am is not what they want.
Maybe it’s my fault for lying in the letter, I told them I was happy while holding back tears.
I wonder when my lies will stop being enough for people to stop checking on me.
Give them a smile, tell them “I’m okay”, and they’ll leave you to pick yourself apart.
I’m so tired.
And my ribs feel so heavy.
But don’t worry.
I’m okay.
I’ll just breathe in,
Breathe out.
And die.

A ****** poem for ****** feelings

#sad #depression #failure #breathe #die