jaden: Poems

May 2018 · 526

im willing

jaden May 2018

im scared to hold his hand.
because i might fall harder
because they could say something
because he might hate me

i shouldn't look at him like that.
because i might stare forever
because they think it's wrong
because he might find out

why do i want to kiss him?
because i love the way his lips look
when he smiles as if no one sees
because when he laughs
everything else just melts away

im scared to be myself.
because i don't know how to do so
because they might judge me
because he could think im horrible

i shouldn't want him
because im supposed to want her
because they say it's wrong
because he could find out

why do i feel like this?
because it's like ive been betrayed
and it's my own mind causing it all
because i want him so badly
that im willing to be scared
and im willing to be judged

im willing to risk being ridiculed or be in a constant state of fear if it means that I'll get to kiss him just once

#lgbt #gay #him #judged #society

Apr 2018 · 220

can love equal fear?

jaden Apr 2018

can love equal fear?

"I don't want to burn her"
the sun called out to her love
so she just watched the moon as she rose
with a sense of fear and longing
for all she ever wanted was the moon

"why won't she look at me"
the moon questioned her light
because the sun no longer looked at her
with love that burned so bright
she now looks at her in fear

#sun #moon #love #fear #longing

Apr 2018 · 207

f a l l a p a r t

jaden Apr 2018

f a l l a p a r t

there are rarely times i feel
put together
but even in those times
im ready to  f
                          a
                             l
                                 l
                                     apart.

just one small touch and im gone
in p  i  e  c  e  s on the floor once again
waiting to gather the energy
that i need to put myself together.

#fall #apart

Apr 2018 · 626

i forget how to talk around you

jaden Apr 2018

i forget how to talk around you

-letters
a character representing one or more of the sounds used in speech

these no longer fit together to form the words i need to talk to you

-words
a single distinct meaningful element of speech or writing, used with other words to form a sentence

these seemingly simple elements of speech don't seem to work together to become the sentences i want to say to you

-sentences
a set of words that is complete in itself

i look at you and suddenly my mind is no longer capable of putting together the sentences i long to give you

this started out as a poem for a boy but became a poem about my difficulty to communicate at times

#letters #words #sentences #talking #you #communication

Apr 2018 · 702

in the mirror

jaden Apr 2018

in the mirror

she no longer wakes up in the morning
to look in the mirror and try to
convince herself and the world
that she's still a girl

they stopped waking up in the morning and looking in the mirror trying to convince . .
no prove that they're identity
isn't up for debate

he started waking up in the morning
to look at himself in the mirror to try to convince . .
no prove . .
no reassure himself that he is
exactly who he says

i wake up every morning and
I go to the mirror and try to convince . .
no prove . .
no reassure . .
no state that I am
a man and nobody can say otherwise

#transgender #ftm #lgbt

— The End —