All my life I've been told
How to act and how to think
What to do and who to be

"Don't use those words"
"Don't stay out late"
"You should have fun!
Just not that way"
"Keep your grades up"
"Keep your laugh down"
"But whoever told you
you should frown?"

I've always been good
I did as I was told
I never misbehaved
But now I'm growing old
My youth is passing by me
And how have I spent it?
Obedient - I'm seeing it
Never the miscreant
But always the misfit

"Don't talk back"
"Don't disagree"
Can't you see
your words are hurting me?
"Honey, I always wanted the best for you"
Then why don't you let my real self
shine on through?

Never had any friends
and you ask me why?
How am I supposed to blend
when you never even let me try?
But that doesn't matter
it's not what I want
What I want is out there
and you keep me locked up
But it all ends now
though you still ask how -
how did this happen?
Why did I change?
Well now I'm here to tell you
I broke out from my cage
All these
Obligations
Frustrations
Condemnations
Aggravations
Your fixations
and my deprivations
They're done now cause can't you see?
From this day on
I'm doing me.

staring at the ceiling, counting the mosquito bites on my arm
there are sixteen
reasons why you left me but I can only remember the one that went unsaid
"you cannot fix yourself"
there is a constellation of scars on my hips
and I can see your face, hear your biting words in them
if I try hard enough.
maybe it's just a reflection of the moonlight,
or it's just one bad night. one of too many.
am I the insect stuck between screen and glass
trying to escape something shatterproof
when the more effort I put in, the more likely I am to die?
even the mosquitoes have become tired of seeing my blood
it fills the sticky night with a sour-sweet stench
of broken promises and lost lies.
but god,
I am the moth who only wants to get closer to the light.
you were my light.
and I'll leave the windows open all summer
as if maybe you'll crawl back in through them
I've broken the glass in all of them anyway
I've named sunrises after you
they too are supposed to be emblems of hope but only remind me of how broken I am
and it's funny
because I used to wish on every star that you'd understand
but now I just wish to be able to forget you.