Dear Finch; Connor;

I'm not sorry you did it
but I'm sorry we failed you.

Sincerely,
LL

i finalised my "divorce" today. well, it was a breakup. 2 years together, lived together, shared our cats, shared a life... all that. so yeah, it felt like a mini divorce.

and i couldn't help but notice how relatable the song "happiness" by taylor swift is now...

"all the years i've given is just **** we're dividing up"

he left the house a week ago. today he came by, and divided up our shared things.

"tell me when did your winning smile
began to look like a smirk?
when did all our lessons start to look like weapons
pointed at my deepest hurt?"

when i first met him, it was the stuff of fairytales - like most relationships. we shared some of the best memories of our lives together. but like all good things, it came to an end. over time, we became stressed with life's responsibilities. we became toxic to each other, and both made terrible mistakes. towards the end, it became the inevitable to end things.

"after giving you the best i had
tell me what to give after that?"

i gave it my all. we both tried our best. it just wasn't meant to be.

"haunted by the look in my eyes
that would've loved you for a lifetime"

how i wished he was the one... given any chance, i would've loved him for a lifetime. i miss him. i miss the life we shared. i grieve for the future we will never have.

"i can't make it go away by making you a villian"

but just because the relationship failed, it was still extraordinarily beautiful. i hold zero resentment towards him at all. no negative feelings. i wish him all the best in the future.

"no one teaches you what to do
when a good man hurts you
and you know you hurt him too"

these lyrics hit me the most...

"there'll be happiness after you
but there was happiness because of you"

goodbye, lover. maybe in another lifetime, our paths will cross again. but for now, i wish you all the happiness in the world. i will always have love for you deep in my heart.

hello, i have a crush on u. 2 years now.
youre the cutest when u r wearing your
glasses hehe

i have loved you since you were 16.

March 3, 2017. At lab. Your hair is long.
You're wearing a white shirt.

July 10, 2017. You're making a poem.
Your eyes… I fell in love with those eyes
of yours.

November 14, 2017. There are no words
to express my love for you. I love you.

Hey, juliana, cheer the **** up. you're
worth it.

I miss wrapping my arms around your
waist.

I’m sorry for all of the pain that I caused.
You deserved a better end to high
school.

I'm still missing you every day.

I still wish that someday we'll see each
other again, I really want that museum
date.

If one day you ever find this just wanna
let you know that I still love you and I
always will.

I’m not sure how to love anyone else but
you. Can we try again?

you made quarantine really fun for me.
thank you for all of the wonderful
memories :)

you said you’d let me know if you ever
thought less of me. you never did. you
just left.

Don't forget to love yourself & always
choose to be happy :)

i can't get over you and it's been almost
5 years since we last saw each other :(

Hey, Juliana!! Hey, self!! I know it's hard
but please keep going. Everything will
be okay soon :)

He’s ok. Just tryna keep him sober. He
deserves to be happy so that’s my goal.
Take care ***

I hope the kid is doing fine.

I hope you're doing well. Always
remember to be happy. Always put a
smile on your face.

I hope you're happy wherever you are.
You'll always be my greatest love.

i love you so much momma u deserve
the whole world <3

You are my unsent message.
The cursor blinking rhythmically,
With my heartbeat,
Waiting,
For me to hit send.
But I am not ready,
And I’m not sure if I ever will be
So I left it like that.
Unsent. Unseen. Unread.
“I miss you.”

I wrote it all down
What I wanted to tell you
About how sorry I was
And how much I wanted you back

But I left it in my car
As I set it on fire

So now we’re back to step one
And we have a few more to add
To the unsent love letters

Sometimes I want you for me
Sometimes I can’t even imagine what may be
Sometimes I care
And sometimes I don’t want to

Some days I love talking
Some days I don’t even want to be reminded you exist

And although there’s chaos in mind
I want you to know that there’s never a day that gone by where you didn’t cross mine.

When you look for love,
find someone who makes you appreciate the little things in life,
like the shift of the sky from day to night,
the sunsets, the sunrise,
how the stars dance in the night sky
and how the moon brightens the universe in the absence of the sun.

It hurts a lot. It hurts so much and I know you're never going to understand why it hurts me but just know it does. It's ****. And I'm crying. And i don't know what else to say besides that I don't want to loose you.. Again. And again. And again. I know I don't act like I love being around you but I do. I'm just ******* stupid. It's been so good just having you back in my life and talking almost how we used to and I thought we might actually get back to the way it was before it all. But no. I'll try to deal for awhile.

Maybe it hurts so much because it makes me realize that I'm not even half of what you are  to me as a person. as a feeling. as an inspiration. I hope I handle it better than I have in the past and I'll be preparing for your absence. Again

sls

uhm, so hey!
i think i really like you?
I saw you the other day, im pretty sure it was in may-

you gave me this smile, that made all of my terrible thoughts go away.

and i swear you gave me this look, that took me forever to get out of my mind.

you were so kind to me, and enjoyed making me tea.

oh gee,
i hope i dont so cheesy, but gosh i think you're amazing;

remeber when you were gazing at me? and came up to me saying how i was so pretty?

my face became hotter than the sun, on a monday afternoon.

i loved that day,

anyway yeah i really like you. and i don't know if you like me too, but hey that's okay! Maybe i'll find out one day.

Are you sure you want to erase this message?

**Yes.