I hate this so much
When I haven't been numbed
By society's icy disposition
And nothing has told me I am horrid
Or that I am nothing
I'm feeling again
And the feeling isn't dread

The forest of fears
Has captured my heart
It has told me
I can do anything I want
Just as long as I give up my mind
With only a blink,
I say no
But I wonder if the Forest knew I was feeling again
So just in case, I wasn't feeling it
I should start feeling pain.
But I hate feeling, I hate that I am vulnerable again
Even though I have always wanted someone
To save me
But I am unsavable
Because I am my own soldier
Who is so ******* tired of feeling

will my rib cage

ever get tired of

protecting this foolish heart

that keeps on

beating for

wrong people?

"You'll lose them the same way you got them"


I pray every night that isn't true.

How unfair to find something real that is so out of touch.

What a foul play tossed out to you and I to try to figure out.

I found you and I want you and I can't keep you

Thanks, Fate.

Who are they to you?
Mere friends,
like me?
Objects of potential interest?
That you found so suddenly.
My fingers ache in the morning,
When we used to talk in soliloquies.

Now I'm not even beckoned in the room,
and you leave again, so suddenly.

To not be glanced at in curiosity,
only when boredom hits,
you, so amicably feel the need to-
ask "how are you,"
"Merry Christmas,"
but I was never even on your wishlist.

I took your hand and felt my heart,
rattle inside of its cage.  
So suddenly.
Ready,
To pour you a cup of wine.
Have a drink,
things will be fine.

If I can just....
Stop
Feeling.

So suddenly, came.
These emotions,
and expectations.
Of a cup that's supposed to be filled.

I wanted to satiate
but instead,
I'm just a cup that wants to be held.

To lap up the attention,
in such a gentle cascade,
despite, desire, spiraling into my veins.

I want you to hold me,
like I'm your answer.

despite, being a cup of wine
that's filled with water.

Right now it's deceiving,
but I can't stop believing,
that so suddenly
thing's will get better.

Because for my new year's end,
and my new year's wish
is for my heart to stop hurting,
to put that cup back inside my chest.

And maybe then, when  I can heal
and when given a sign
I can pour my heart freely and ask

"Hey, would you like a glass of wine?"