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AmberLynne Jul 2014
Why am I so scared of this?
I can't explain this rumble jumble
     of feelings tornado-ing
     around inside me right now.
I want it, I like this chance, I do.
But ****, am I terrified too.
And the apprehension itself
     scares me.
I'm standing at the edge,
     cautiously peeking over,
     as my toes creep ever closer
          until they've passed the ledge
     dangling in that scary oblivion
heart racing, breaths tumbling
     as they chase each other
     out of my chest.
I have to jump, make this leap
     or I'll never be sure.
I can't be too scared to try,
     too fearful of the fall,
     to risk the chance to fly.
4.3.14
God, be the breath in me;

Be the sparkle in my eye, the smile that glides strong and bright over that lower portion of my face;

Be the hand that gives, the wiry cord that ties up all my loose ends;

The socks that hold my shivering legs in one piece;

The shoes, tied tightly, that stand my feet upon the ground, in one place, never fleeing;

The engine within that revs forward at any show of fear, never shrinking;

Never shutting off, shutting down, freezing up.

I hope that I can swallow this angst and remind myself of who I am, of who God made me,

And walk into the brightest light, the darkness tunnel, to the other side of the door which is a mystery unto me.

The time has taken its time. My soul has persisted slowly, dragging its feet in heavy anticipation that one day I would actually need to take this great leap of faith, and trust

That someone will catch me.

And even if nobody does, and I eat gravel, I think God will still have me,

And He’ll be smiling at me, those big pearly whites glowing, because

I tried.

I faced fear and, conquered or defeated, I did what I thought ridiculous, impossible, impenetrable.

And I suppose I’ll just have to dust off my jeans and keep moving forward.

No.

Running forward.
AmberLynne Apr 2014
Terrified
                   of taking this chance
                   and letting you see
                   just how jagged every
                   little piece
of
                  me is.  Broken, all my
                  scattered portions flutter
                  away until I'm no
                  longer sure of just
what
                  picture they used to
                  complete.  And you come
                  along, strolling oh-so-
                  casually to retrieve
this
                  piece and that piece,
                  fitting them in their
                  rightful places again.
                  Each snugly put in with a
love
                  I never imagined could
                  exist in reality. So tell me
                  why, when I so clearly see
                  your pure intentions, why
can
                  I not just accept it all?
                  Instead I wonder, second-
                  guess, and contemplate
                  running.  Can I ever just
be...
3.9.14

— The End —