I wait eagerly for you to return
Though I know your presence is temporary
I still swallow up every morsel of attention I can get
And though I have a fear of needles
I shoot each bit of love you can muster for me into my veins
I beg you silently to stay
With actions I'd never think would exist within me
Each time you go, it's unexpected
And each time, I tremble in your absence
I crave the high you set me on
The feeling of being adored
Of being worth something
Anything

Your hands were too tight around my neck
But you said you like when I wear chokers

You say you like when I come over

Come closer

            But only when you tell me to

Like how you like to tell me that it’s over

Watch my eyes turn to oceans that you control the tides to

Watch my body fall to pieces right in front of you

Watch me melt into myself
And question every “I love you”
Every “I’d die for you, would you die for me too?”

             You see me dying for you.

Dying for your desire
Dying to see one piece of truth in the eyes of a liar

You see me searching for the man I fell in love with as you burn me with words of fire

           You ask me why I’m crying

But as soon as I try to give you a reason worth while, you slap the tears from my skin

You dare me to open my mouth again
You say “baby put your foot on the gas, let’s go for a spin”

         You give me that same sinister grin

The same on you gave me the night you told me you shot that man

The same one you looked over your shoulder with as you brought brass knuckles to the face of someone being too femme

That grin you gave the prophet as she warned you of the suffering to come due to your sin

                      That ******* grin

Not the one I fell in love with
But the one that laughed in my face when I said I was leaving

The one that put a gun to my head just to say, “I love you baby, I’m not teasing”

But that you scared me, it tricked me, it said you wanted to please me

But in reality in only made me confuse pleasure with pleading

Don't forgive his crimes just
because he can kiss them better.
I see his stained hands
every time I close my eyes.
I can’t escape the whispered lies,
they ring in my ears like a constant-
Hush! You wouldn’t want them to hear us.

I still feel his hands wrenching my wrist.
Remember how I wished his grip
Would loosen, if only a little.
Thought of the tenderness love
Was supposed to connote,
as the blood dripped persistently
into my throat.

It was then that I realized.
With nothing left in me,
that anything is better than
Being worshipped, forcibly.