Hot water rains on my skin
The fog it creates holds me

Like you once did.

I breathe it in,
let it  travel   over     my           body
as your       hands          once            did
like I used to breathe you in
and the reminise our love-making left
in the air.

I close my eyes and let my mind float,
like the vapor,
to you and I
when we were still "us."

I loved you.
You loved me.
Why?

My hand detatches from the wrist
and turns the heat
up
        up
                  up.
Until it burns me.
Like you did, with your burning sweet caresses.

The steam fills the room
Fills my body;
an empty hot vessel without you.

This acid rain from my shower head,
It hurts so good.
Like our *******.
Like before.

Now that we're you an I instead of we and our,
I’m just left longing
For the kind of hurt,
For the kind of love,
For the kind of everything that a hot shower can’t give.

I wait eagerly for you to return
Though I know your presence is temporary
I still swallow up every morsel of attention I can get
And though I have a fear of needles
I shoot each bit of love you can muster for me into my veins
I beg you silently to stay
With actions I'd never think would exist within me
Each time you go, it's unexpected
And each time, I tremble in your absence
I crave the high you set me on
The feeling of being adored
Of being worth something
Anything

Your hands were too tight around my neck
But you said you like when I wear chokers

You say you like when I come over

Come closer

            But only when you tell me to

Like how you like to tell me that it’s over

Watch my eyes turn to oceans that you control the tides to

Watch my body fall to pieces right in front of you

Watch me melt into myself
And question every “I love you”
Every “I’d die for you, would you die for me too?”

             You see me dying for you.

Dying for your desire
Dying to see one piece of truth in the eyes of a liar

You see me searching for the man I fell in love with as you burn me with words of fire

           You ask me why I’m crying

But as soon as I try to give you a reason worth while, you slap the tears from my skin

You dare me to open my mouth again
You say “baby put your foot on the gas, let’s go for a spin”

         You give me that same sinister grin

The same on you gave me the night you told me you shot that man

The same one you looked over your shoulder with as you brought brass knuckles to the face of someone being too femme

That grin you gave the prophet as she warned you of the suffering to come due to your sin

                      That ******* grin

Not the one I fell in love with
But the one that laughed in my face when I said I was leaving

The one that put a gun to my head just to say, “I love you baby, I’m not teasing”

But that you scared me, it tricked me, it said you wanted to please me

But in reality in only made me confuse pleasure with pleading