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pili Jun 25
in the unexpected safety of a club bathroom
i lean over the sink, hands damp, breath slow.
through the haze, i catch the girl next to me
i marvel at her bronze skin as she reapplies lipstick with precision
the same shade i wore minutes ago
i compliment her bracelet.
she smiles, thanks me.
i go back to the mirror, thinking that was that.

but then she taps my shoulder
and hands me a candy from the many in her bag
neatly wrapped, cherry flavored
“like my lip balm” i think
“like your lip balm,” she says as she smiled
and in that moment i almost cry
because how could a drunk stranger in a bathroom see me for me better than you ever had?

you tasted the cherry lip balm i love as you kissed me, so you bit my tongue to taste blood instead
on finding out people can love me better than you ever could
pili Jun 25
see you're obsessed with poetry and the grotesque, that kind of stuff
think yourself deep for finding beauty in blood, call trauma a sonnet if it bleeds enough
so it's no shock you adored the idea of cannibalism as a metaphor for love
something so pure, so soft turned violent and greedy in your hands
you claimed it beautiful, two becoming one,
sacrifice and devotion a seasoning of life, just table salt
and you took the name of black widow with pride, thought it made you a romantic
i suppose you forgot how the metaphor works, like those secrets we shared in your attic

the idea of love within cannibalism comes from the sacrifice, it speaks of the act of giving
the selflessness of the eaten and not the hunger of the eater
when being devoured is a gift, not a theft
yet you insisted the desperation to taste me was care

you consuming me was not love but me allowing it was
I let you devour me down to the marrow in my bones
let you lick the veins clean and the blood into your cup dripped
i thought it was an exchange, could have sworn in iron ink i spelled your name
thought i tasted your soul when we kissed, oh how naive of me

you let the metaphor consume you much like i did you, much like you wished someone would too
you became obsessed with the obsession of it all, craved to be craved
but devouring someone’s heart doesn’t earn you a place in it
it was love when i laid down on the plate
but please
don't call it love how you licked your fingers clean
to my ex that called himself a poet but couldnt understand the most basic metaphor for love
pili Jun 25
i called what we had puppy love
unwavering adoration, unadulterated innocence
pure and simple and unconditional in its essence
with heart eyes, blushes, smiles so wide
butterflies in my stomach i took for a tail that wagged
and endless “i love you”s like proud barks
i did not realize that love was only on my side

Unconditional, loyal, like a dog at your feet
i would never bite the hand that fed me rich pedigree
but you weren’t even feeding me the real thing
in its place scraps of treats left behind by the last breed

with no love to spare and bones bare
I’ve grown too old  now for your fleeting care
not fun to play with anymore, not your shiniest toy,
too much work with no reward, I sparked no joy
so you kicked me out and drive to the store
to adopt a new pet as I sit at the back door
you lock me outside with no guide or reason why,
left me with false hope as my only light

so i wait again for you to open your home to me as i grow bored
wait to be fed even just the trash from your floors
pawing and barking, pleading to stay
promising I’d change if you’d look my way
to love you better this time around
to bite less no matter the hits you use to put me down

leaves fall as i sit by the door to no avail,
spring calls as I see another puppy gather your mail
the months go by as im forced to watch
before I decide I’ve had enough

so I pull myself away determined to walk out of your back lawn
only to find a fence keeping me stuck until the end of dawn
i think of digging under or jumping over, plot a way to escape and find new love
but you told the world I was rabid, wild,
A beast with danger in its eyes, untamed and reviled
described me with sharp canines and a killer instinct, when we both knew i couldn’t hurt an insect
You painted me with your cruel disdain
ensuring no one else would ease my pain should i ever get away
Hot water rains on my skin
The fog it creates holds me

Like you once did.

I breathe it in,
let it  travel   over     my           body
as your       hands          once            did
like I used to breathe you in
and the reminise our love left
in the air.

I close my eyes and let my mind float,
like the vapor,
to you and I
when we were still "us."

I loved you.
You loved me.
Why?

My hand detatches from the wrist
and turns the heat
up
        up
                  up.
Until it burns me.
Like you did, with your burning sweet caresses.

The steam fills the room
Fills my body;
an empty hot vessel without you.

This acid rain from my shower head,
It hurts so good.
Like our love.
Like before.

Now that we're you an I instead of we and our,
I’m just left longing
For the kind of hurt,
For the kind of love,
For the kind of everything that a hot shower can’t give.
never experienced this personally, but this is about missing a toxic, dependent relationship.
Lumin Guerrero Dec 2024
Your hand, grasped tightly
With the promise to never let go.

You kept your promise.
But I came to realize that your grasp was too tight
Too suffocating
Not right.

I commend you for keeping your word,
And I fault you for my wounds.

For it was you,
You with the razor stuck to your palm,
Blade facing out.

You who would graze it across thighs and
Cut
Them
Up
Into
pieces.

Cut
Me
Up
Into
Pieces -
Fragments -
Nothing.

You kept your promise.
But it hurt to hold on, the blade pressing against my hand
And cutting deep deep into the flesh.

And so I was the one who had to break the bond,
The promise,
And let go.

Still I itch and pick at the wounds that contain the memories of you;
Of the promises I broke,
And the scars you left behind.
Toxic friends **** guys
Anastasia Oct 2024
I wait eagerly for you to return
Though I know your presence is temporary
I still swallow up every morsel of attention I can get
And though I have a fear of needles
I shoot each bit of love you can muster for me into my veins
I beg you silently to stay
With actions I'd never think would exist within me
Each time you go, it's unexpected
And each time, I tremble in your absence
I crave the high you set me on
The feeling of being adored
Of being worth something
Anything
i'm never going back.
Unique Aug 2024
Your hands were too tight around my neck
But you said you like when I wear chokers

You say you like when I come over

Come closer

            But only when you tell me to

Like how you like to tell me that it’s over

Watch my eyes turn to oceans that you control the tides to

Watch my body fall to pieces right in front of you

Watch me melt into myself
And question every “I love you”
Every “I’d die for you, would you die for me too?”

             You see me dying for you.

Dying for your desire
Dying to see one piece of truth in the eyes of a liar

You see me searching for the man I fell in love with as you burn me with words of fire

           You ask me why I’m crying

But as soon as I try to give you a reason worth while, you slap the tears from my skin

You dare me to open my mouth again
You say “baby put your foot on the gas, let’s go for a spin”

         You give me that same sinister grin

The same on you gave me the night you told me you shot that man

The same one you looked over your shoulder with as you brought brass knuckles to the face of someone being too femme

That grin you gave the prophet as she warned you of the suffering to come due to your sin

                      That ******* grin

Not the one I fell in love with
But the one that laughed in my face when I said I was leaving

The one that put a gun to my head just to say, “I love you baby, I’m not teasing”

But that you scared me, it tricked me, it said you wanted to please me

But in reality in only made me confuse pleasure with pleading
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