I don't know where to start
I thought I was done
Being distant, pushing down my feelings
Till they're non-existent

But they're never truly gone, are they?
They're always there, waiting to pounce
For the second when my guard is down
To drain my joy, every ounce

"Take me away from reality, please," I beg
But it turns out reality is just what I need

The further I draw away from my emotions
The louder my heart cries out for forgiveness
For a taste of what's real
A taste of holiness

I'm so sick of feeling
Like my problems are small
For I tell myself it's selfish
To get weighed down by them all

And maybe that's true, and I'm partially right
But it doesn't change the fact that because of it
My days aren't as bright
And my burden's no more light

This mess of confusing feelings
It's all I can do not to scream
To stamp my feet in frustration
Like a child learning what "no" means

This feeling of fulfillment
Yet dissatisfaction
A fear of tomorrow
Yet knowing tomorrow will be just a fraction

Of this life that I must bear
All deserve more from me
Yet no one deserves anything
And certainly not the mercy we all share

"God, why do you love me?" I constantly ask
"For there is nothing desirable in me to grasp."
"Because child, I made you," You say with a smile
"You're my daughter, my friend, though your thoughts may run wild.

I made you to be like this
Although it is painful
For life is a battle
You're among demons and angels

Little do you know, child, of the war going on
For you've only seen a fraction of his army of pawns
There are shadows around you, some of dark and some of light
And you simply wouldn't be able to bear the sight

I've protected your soul from the darkness outside
You're embraced in my arms, it's the place you reside
And although you may face challenge black as the night
Just think of my love, the things I have not allowed in your life

For my hand is upon you, guarding your heart
Your mind is my own, it has been from the start
And though you'll have to face them and go out once more
And though you may come back from the battle sore

You will learn, my daughter, that this is not disaster
It is not permanent turmoil, for it's your heart that I'm after
So do not worry about the day or the night
For where you go I will go, to be a shield and a light."