Our bodies
Are really just galaxies
Held together by bone and flesh.
My thoughts are stars.
But
How can you expect me to
Recognize the constellations
That they could potentially form
When I’ve always ******
At thinking linearly?
Hell,
I have a hard enough time
Remembering
That
I am still alive.
I dropped a plate today-
That promptly shattered-
Because
For that very instant
I didn’t exist.
I think
Maybe
I was born
To self-destruct
Quite like
The most massive suns
In our universe
Detonate
Into supernovae.
One of these days
Out of the blue
My chest is going to start
Caving in
And my arms and legs will contract
And finally
I’ll flood out into the open-
I always did tell you
My heart was an ocean
Filled so full that it’s
Ready to erupt.
Well once I’ve emptied
My heart
My body
And my mind
Maybe
Just maybe
I’ll find the strength
To reconstruct this galaxy.
But I’d probably need some
Major work.
I need help untangling these veins.
Someone
Just give me
A diagnosis
Because
My lungs should work
Just fine
But I just
CAN'T BREATHE-
Surely there are vultures flying around
Grating my insides.
I want you to rewrite my skin
Dig up the graveyards
In my skeleton
And maybe
Help settle some of these ghosts.
I just wanted-
So desperately-
For you to find a home
Somewhere near my heart
That I tried stitching a home
Into my ribcage
But the seams are jagged
And tender
And it feels like they’re leaking
All the ******* time
But no matter what-
Whenever I check my lesions-
They’re healing.
Hopefully,
My structures
Will last longer
This time
Around the bend.
Because unless
You have your own scars,
You’ll probably
Never understand mine.
But we all do something.
You can’t fathom the leagues
Of deep dark arctic water that churn
Just under my crust
Or the monsters
Surfing the waves
Because
They tell you to drown your demons
But
I’m pretty positive
Mine have known how to swim
From the beginning.
You don’t see
The stress and anxiety
That pumps around
Through my blood
Igniting my body
And effectively silencing me.
Please don’t touch me
Not until you understand
That sometimes
All I am capable of felling
Is needles and razors.
The added pressure
Of your feather light touch
Might just
Cause a cave in.
Please don’t
Love me
Until you
Recognize
That
I do not love myself
But
I AM trying.
For the longest time
I’ve been so concerned
That
You might start
Seeing me
The way I see myself
But something really
Kind of funny happened
(I think)
I’m starting
To see myself
The way you see me.
My skin
Has been left to rot
Too many times
And WOW-
That really hurts.
My cells
Is still in the process
Of growing back
But it’s still so sensitive.
I’m swallowing
Your forgiveness
Because
I need it
For my own.
I cannot
Excuse
Myself-
Not anymore.
There is
No such concept
As
‘Beautifully broken’
Some of us
Are just better than others
At clutching
Bleeding seams.
