i'm a modern girl
and i say like it's not a bad word
it's a tag society has thrown at me
for me to feel guilty and an antagonist

so i own up to this word
with pride and prejudice
oh! now it pinches you and makes you want to call me
shameless and rude.

for all i care,
i'm a modern girl
and i say it like it's not a bad word
i wear short skirts, i dye my hair,
i ride a bike without a hint of despair,
i own tattoos and piercings in the places on my body
that will give you a heart ache
much worse than an angina pectoris.

hello, im a modern girl
and i say it again like it's not a bad word.

it's high time shame game took a turn,
your judgemental eyes shutter down with acceptance
and for gossiping to burn
because i'm just a girl
living the life i like
call it modern, call it indie
atleast i know it's not a LIE.

Something scary in my mind-
The thought of you go;

Body, wearied, cracked by time,
Hope you don't die so.

You are too young,
Too young to die,

Don't leave me alone.

Something warped, borne in my mind:

Should've been me instead,
Could've been me instead,
Would've been me instead...

...Don't leave me alone,
Don't leave me alone...

The truth serves no purpose anymore,
Everyday's the same dream
Mindless, lifeless, happiness-poor,
The world isn't as it seems.

Days, weeks, months, years, feeling stranger,
By my trauma strangled,
Too ungreat to bring 'bout changes,
In your lies I'm tangled

School's all that matters,
Not eduction
No one cares about effort,
Just router perfection.

Between the seams,
Are scary dreams.

I'd like to be...

...Eventually...

Able to roam
Around so free

I have secrets
Inside of me.

Can you discover why I'm even here,
Can't you feel,
I think our end is near
But are sure you really want to know?
So little of me and such a long way to-

-Go-

-Away
To you, I say.
You think you know
It all, hurray!

But, no, you don't,
Not even close,
There's one last piece
Of the puzzle to go.

...I know...
...You can't...
...Resist...
...The temptation...
...Inside my chest...

Every day is a different story,
But cycles tend to form.
Cycles, cycles, cycles, cycles, cycles.
Compulsive, depressive, manic, crazy.

It’s like a CD skip- skip- skip- skipping,
But it’s not like she can remember why she was mad in the first place.
Doesn’t recall the fight you yelled at her for,
Can’t seem to forget her love for you though.

Roller coasters are her favorite.
Did you hear me? IRONY AT ITS FINEST.
Up and down and around and around,
Riding and being thrown by the waves over and over.

Thank you for putting up with her swinging,
Back and forth, like two-face.
She can’t control it, she didn’t want to be this way,
But God said she was strong enough...isn’t she?

At least she has good music tastes,
Riding around, the stations changing with her beautiful moods.
Smoke blowing out the windows,
She’s the one the music talks about: Here and Gone without a trace.

Do you think she ever gets tired?
Tired trying to keep up with her day to day phases?
Pha- Pha- Phases like the moon.
Beauty ever changing, but silent. Stuck in her head.

You love her though right?
I mean, think about it.
When it’s a good day, she’s so understanding and chill and all-around perfect.
Those days make every other worth it.

Right?

God bless the cycles, cycles, cy- cy- cycles.
For one whole day she’s uncontrollable.
Asking you a million questions and wanting to hug you for as long and as tight as she can.
Kisses, “I love yous,” excitement, annoyance.

“Can we get a pet octopus?
Oh pretty pretty please?
Can I cut my hair or dye it bright pink?”
“You hate pink” you say, but there she goes again.

Down down down the rabbit hole.
Off again she goes.
Hair flying in the breeze, that perfume you bought her still on your shirt.
Irri- irri- irritate- irritation.

The day very next, not even 24 hours yet,
Tears falling down her face, rivers of black eyeliner.
She doesn’t get out of bed.
“Baby what’s wrong?”

Nothing is ever truly wrong.
It’s like a weight on her chest, suppressing her every move.
A deep, black hole in the pit of her stomach, isn’t that what she said?
Misery at its finest. Almost like she’s already dead.

Why put up with her then?
Why ride this roller coaster?
Why hold her tight when she laughs?
Why hold her tight when she cries?

You see, why would anyone in the first place?

In fact, there’s no perks to dating a bipolar girl.
Not one.
Not at all.

You keep telling me things that I know
But what if you were in my place?
Being unable to stand
The look of your own face?

Can't trust thoughts anymore,
Myself, a living disgrace?

School is all that matters,
Not anymore education,
I speak to you, what you tell me to do
You say its "frustration."

Ignoring, abusing, overusing, shutting down my body systems-
People are so hard to please,

Don't know accurate name for my behaviours,
Just call it "Disease"

Being a misfit,
I try to be you,
You don't know I've been suicidal
Since my second *Grade 2

I don't ussually ask for much
But when I do
Apparently it is to great
For you to do?

Apologies for I, disappointment.
Please, I don't ask for sympathy
You may not believe, but,
I do not cry deliberately.

honestly, I TRUELY naturally forget
I don't know how to communicate with spoken words, yet.
When I do, they are usually lies
So my only way , throu poetry, I write.

When you ask what's going on,
Honestly, I can't recall
Without my poems and songs, about me,
No one would know much at all.

Been this way ever sine in Haiti
What I call "Disease"
Is an extended, ongoing culture and reverse-culture shock, maybe?

What cause have I to feel glad?
I've built my life on judgement and feeling pain.
I don't know those eyes I see in the bloodstained chrome.

Now everything that I've had
and everything I've known have been thrown away.
And with time I've come to find this isn't my home.
I've stoked the fire, seen more pain that you can know.
The tears of the broken have washed away my soul.
Pushed by their desire to change the way my stream will flow,
Disease awoken, and it's taking back control.
I try my best to ignore my screams,
They keep haunting me in my dreams.

Please break my shackles?
I want it to stop?

I man this wretched machine.
Day in, day out, the grinding wears on my brain.
Undermining my sanity,
Making me question what's "reality."
"Life" is not as it seems.
Should I take a chance of freedom or throw it all down the drain?
I've been imprisoned,
Please burn my transgressions away?

I'm sick of hurting, sick of thinking it's all I do.
Broken by those around me, spared very few.
The bright moon is burning, and my thoughts are ever blue.
Darkness surround me, am I becoming a part of you?

I...
...Might be getting tired of this:
Endless game of scares.

I'm through,
I'm coming to an end,
Real soon.
But life still haunts my dreams,

See you...
Not knowing Death
You've never stared it
In the eyes.

Stopped asking why
Is it always the past
That comes to haunt my life?

Guess this is where I am.

I guess this is my curse;
Oh dear
And it can get much worse,
The fear...

...I'm stuck in here...

Nightmares,
Out of my control,
My regrets
Leave me feeling empty and cold,

What they want is what I fear,
I just want to get away from it all.

Here's the call to drag me away,
My rise could be my fall...

...I've got to get free...
...This really isn't me...

My love is like a game.
i heard you found the one u been looking for and it is not me.
We don't talk any .

what was it for .
my love is a lie to me .
my love is sad because i am alone .
is it too late to say sorry.

I need one more chance .

Taken way too soon,
I'm not at all who I used to be,

Shifting in glass box,
My past is nothing more than just a dream?

Now I feel the taughts of Disease growing once again.

I'm powerless to change my fate,
But in the end, I'll be shelthered,
Once again.

With judgements torn,
If you listen really close,
You can hear me sing my songs...

No, they can't give me back the mind I had,
But I don't have to suffer on my own,
Even if I'll never find my home,
I'm not alone,
I'm not alone?

In my little world,
Forever lost to passing time.

They don't knows what it's like to wear the masks
That they trapped me inside.

One day the cold clouds hovering over me'll
Begin to fade.

Then I'll be free to cut your strings,
Cry no more tears,

But for now, I walk,  enchained.