i wish the things you told me 15 feet up were as concrete as the streets below us
your very existence is extraordinary to me
you came into my life like a meteor
beautiful from far away but also chaotic and damaging
sometimes chaos can be beautiful too though
the weight of your words is stronger than the gravity keeping my feet planted on this balcony’s ledge
you dared me to leap and promised you would catch me when i land
but you can’t catch us both can you
i know you’re running away from the darkest parts of yourself
i know you know the difference between right and wrong
begging for freedom begging for releases
i want so badly to believe the sighs and secrets of our past were as full of vibrancy and authenticity as the crowded city square
i wish time could turn back suns like the pages of a ***** magazine
i want so badly to replay the events of that night and question the transparency of your words
our worlds collided and my heart flatlined when you kissed me
i think i died that night and came back for you
haha

i want to know your pain
i want to know your name your face
your touch is euphoric and

i’m in deep with someone who might be emotionally unavailable
and i guess i need to get over that somehow
or figure it out
or go to sleep

enamored
euphoric
ecstasy
passion
fire

when i met you i set fire to my past
you struck a chord and i struck the match
have you ever met someone and known that you needed them to be a part of your life
and you wonder how you ever thought you knew passion or love or fear or pain
but i’m scared
i’m scared to lose that feeling that i didn’t know was possible to contain in me
i’m ******* enamored and ******* depressed
you’re exactly what i needed to walk into my life
and i know i was that for you too
unfortunately it seem you were not ready for me
and i feel my heart pulsating with passion
i don’t even need your touch
i’m just lacking from your gaze
but you’ve already walked out of the door

i have literally never ******* felt like this before in my life i feel like i can’t breathe but it’s not oxygen that i need

passion
intellect
euphoria
respect
admiration
emptiness
regret

was this a mistake? i’m in pain that things are the way they are
and i know you are in pain because of life and loss of love
i can still taste you on my lips and feel your gaze imploring me
and all i want to know is what is going on in your ******* head
i could pour myself into your soul forever

left brain right brain
i hope i’m on your mind

but oh my god does it even ******* matter??? was this all just an experience made to build me up and drag me down? i’m scared to think that love like that can just come into your life and then be gone the moment you walk out of the door. love like that passion like that honesty like that raw like that truth like that. i have never felt so much oneness with another soul.

my thoughts are scattered across my bedroom and my insecurities are creeping through the cracks in the walls.

was it the drugs? or was it us?

at first i thought it was just the trip that was making you gravitate to me but then your mouth met mine and my heart exploded in my ******* chest. i refuse to believe that sensation was caused by anything other than you, but at the same time i’ll admit substance probably allowed us to make that connection.

i just want you to be able to talk to me. i know you haven’t let your past go and i fear you aren’t really ready to. and that is okay.

you’re on my mind.

my feelings are hurt but not only from you
you are an actual dream
and all my nightmares animated

i miss your touch

i would risk it all for another chance
weak in the knees and weak in the heart
you’re a dream and i don’t want to ever wake up

sleep here with me now and hold me in your arms
tell me that it’s okay and that i’m crazy
crazy for you crazy for me crazy for feeling this way
i want to know your plans
and how involved in them i am
when you wake tomorrow will i be forgotten?
your words reassure me but i’m poisoning myself
stabbing myself in the back
sabotaging myself


we lost ourselves and i found the best parts of myself when i found you
i have never felt so connected
so gravitated
towards another soul in my life
and i feel NAIVE for letting myself get so headass so quickly
very poetic

colorful
vibrant
raw
genuine
cathartic

who are you? and how did you creep past my walls?
i crave your authentic self
i want to actualize your wildest fantasy
fulfill your every whim
please just make me feel good again ******* it
touch me

quivering
trembling
buzzing
sighing
touching
laughing
crying

you always ask if what you do or say will make me hate you
but there’s not a **** thing you could do that would make that true
i’m ******* buzzing over you
are you thinking about me?
pollinate me
you’re on my ******* mind
running circles i’m getting fit

i am rambling
a conscious stream of raw thoughts and emotion
really missing that serotonin spike

i hate myself for feeling things
but i love the way it makes me feel
it’s ******* tragic and dangerous
getting off on my own pain
playing the most dangerous of games
i’m hanging on your every word

i just wanna sleep in your arms tonight again

sitting in the dirt with my face turned up at the sky
i am thinking of you
i came to this place tonight to collect my thoughts
but i am only thinking of you
with eyes wide i open i came to the golden goddess        
begging her take away my fears and apprehension
i basked in her glory and warmth
and let a single tear roll down my cheek and back into the earth
but as she quietly crept behind the covers i am left with nothing more than my thoughts of you
the night is dark and cold and full of terrors
but i’m paralyzed by my feelings and held captive by my thoughts
insects are eating away at my insecurities and flesh
i want to know how to feel
looking down on the city lights and up at the moon it makes me feel small
i find myself thinking about your existence and how we both lived an entire lifetime before locking eyes
at this moment i am compelled, turning to the moon for comfort i see her and i feel the intensity of your gaze
you are coursing through my system like a drug like the blood that runs through my veins like the air i ******* need to keep breathing
all i ask is that you be kind to me
i try to understand the gravity of your existence and its separateness from my own
and i am thinking of you

You used to eat all the blue M&Ms in the package last.
Now I eat all the blue ones first to convince myself I’m over you,
Yet every time I do
I only think of you.

soft-serve and sunscreen, sandcastles
old movies
played on reruns via VCR

top down, open highway
lined with trees
and sunshine

how did these days
pass me by
so quick?

Hello stranger,
Can I tell you something?
Everyone's like a stranger to me.
So; you know,
it doesn't seem hard to open up to you.
'Cause all the people in my life
are becoming strangers to me.

Hurts, all over..
Notice me, **** it.
Call me her name, it hurts.
It was the name you had for her,
It was the name you called her.
PLEASE I BEG YOU DON'T.
It destroys me,
It tears me apart.
It rips me into pieces
and now I've ruined your mood....
I'm sorry if I'm sensitive,
I'll change, I'll shut up
PLEASE,
Just please don't replace me.
Not now not ever.
But you've already started haven't you?
I'm just there, but you've got videos to keep you happy.
I'm here uhm excuse me, you've got games to keep you busy.
Hi? Hello? Bye? Now, you notice me.
I HURT A LOT, I CRY A LOT
But you know what?
I keep silent because all the pain is worth you...
So am I worth it too?