Now I guess I'm back to this poetry.
I'm 4yrs older, it was you who noticed me..
I wasn't living so well
You were cutting yourself
You needed real love
I needed your help
4 months later we're here
On different sides of our room
You gonna say something soon?
I hate not talking to you..

I’ve spent months kicking and screaming
internally begging and praying to a god that I don’t believe in
that you’ll return to me (you haven’t)

it’s a sick habit I’ve picked up- my thoughts so intense that the pictures flash before my eyes of your skin beneath my fingers, our thighs brushing together and the heat radiating from your body
I’m bound, kept in this blissfully torturous delusion, and the way your lips moved against mine that night fed into my delusions-
it was perfect.
I have to let you flood my lungs so I’ll stay afloat;
purge me PURGE ME OF YOUR SIN
the way I feel is unhealthy and infects me from my head to my toes.
I’m chained to you by this feeling of abandonment and pure, absolute NEED (desperate need)
do I have to scream your name at the top of my lungs until it stops making sense to get it out, to get you out? I don’t want you out (the torture I feel masquerades as pleasure too often)
your fingers incinerate me, leaving bruises around my neck (andyankingonmyhair); you have the same desire I do but you’re held back by the chains of your fears and I don’t have an ax to break you free.

I run from every pair of lips that form words like yours- I can’t hear them from anyone but you.
The sun and the moons have all turned on me, leaving me alone in the dead of night to be surrounded by a twisted ghost of you telling me I have no chance with you ever again, but the remembrance of your fingers wrapped in my hair and pulling yanking PULLING, only hours ago, that’s what keeps my heart racing.
I’m begging to be free of the shackles you’ve placed on my heart (I don’t understand why you’ve locked me away like this) but the rubbing of metal against my wrists is starting to hurt too good.
I can’t breathe properly around you. Sometimes not at all.
I’m begging you to close this space between us. The distance is killing me- my heart is slowing, my mind deteriorating without you; this is death.

it’s unbearable, the amount of energy it takes to contain my self control when I’d rather just hold you down and bruise your body even though I know when we’re done you’ll continue to batter my heart.
When you drag your lower lip over my trembling skin (how can I stay still when you’re around?) I want to whisper my thoughts though you already know them (I love you I love you I love you I LOVE YOU)
but everything was ripped away from me and you don’t need me and she’s kissing your neck and whoisshe?howcouldyouleave?wheredidthetimego?itfeelslikeitsonly­beendays?
What did I do WRONG?
How did I mess up enough to have things end like this? I never wanted to lose you but here we are.

(p.h.) (k.k.)

what does she look like alone in the dark?
standing there holding her fragile body up for sale?
how quickly does her breath emit when she's searching for a glimpse of light in her life that doesn't reek loneliness?
steel and skin, steel and skin, nightmares keep her contained like a hunter keeps a deer.

i see you with my eyes, sinking deeper into yourself, and i can't do anything but stand there with laughter in the back of my throat you're not her.

she is my medicine. she keeps me sane. she keeps me from the steel and skin nightmares that used to rip me apart like the jaws of a shark would've.
the jaws of a shark. shark can be violent. they say there are many fish in the sea, but did you know a shark is also a fish? a fish who has teeth that dig into me with every word spoken; that cause blood to rush to the surface.
her mind is the collective thought and poetic combination of every angelic word combined.
ungodly, her skin dips in all of the right places, and as our chests mold together, our quick pit pattering heart beats become one.
when i find the breath to say i need her as im pressing my lips to her featherweight collarbones and were falling asleep sewn together at the seams, don't tell me everything doesn't feel right don't tell me.
the unexplored crevices of her body, oh ive memorized every path down and every path up.  every particle of her im pulling into me and i wont leave a single inch left untouched by the softest skin on my body.
the panting of her shallow breaths in my ear are more than unbearable but when i tell her she's perfect she tells me i lie but i couldn't ever lie to her, not in a million years.
she batters my body and i need her and im not lying.
i didn't mean to rip everything away from you i didn't mean to break your heart you didnt even know me im so fazed and- ohgodohgodohgod i cant even find it within me to use the correct punctuation i cant even find it within me to capitalize my words i never meant to harm you i didnt want you breaking at my fingertips-
Her. She's a mind altering drug and she keeps coming back into my veins, ripping at me with teeth that graze over my love. She's dousing my heart in gasoline and promising me she won't let me near another match, another lighter. She's promising safety. She is safety. The stars point in your direction, they say "she gives us our light, she gives us the inspiration to keep shining for you. She wants us to shine for you."
It's ******* selfish of me to pray (let alone pray to a God I don't even believe exists) that she'll never be happy with anyone who isn't me.
She's everything I don't deserve, but everything that keeps the blood pumping throughout my veins, and one day if the blood in my veins stops pumping I hope she's at my side to chase away the demons that are trying to climb inside of me.
ohgodohgodohgod all i need is her and i'm whole.

i dream of her.
the sweet shell of her body. the warmth that pours into me when she smiles. the predatory feeling that overwhelms when the soft, warm skin is exposed to me and i dive down to sink my teeth into it, grazing the pale skin with only the utmost love. letting go? "i know i cant keep my teeth in your neck forever, but letting go?" it seems like more than just removing my teeth from her neck. the naked swell of her ungodly body making me feel safer than the sound of pouring rain. (that's hard to beat) clear as day i know i want her.
nonoNONONO-**** THAT. I DO NOT WANT HER.
I DO NOT WANT HER.
WANT IS NOT A POSSIBILITY.
my feelings overwhelm me like a tidal wave crashing down on the soft sandy shores that you have a gradual disliking for. i do not want her.
i need her. more than i need to breathe.

i wish i could plant myself in your heart as deeply as you have planted yourself in my head. around you, the possibility of my breathing being normal is less than zero percent.
you make me forget how to inhale anything other than your scent.
i've forgotten how to exhale anything other than your warmth.
you are a creation molded from god's hands himself; his fingers created the sloping landscape that is your nose, your dipping cheekbones, the curve of your lips that expose so much happiness that i can almost see the breathtaking sunflowers growing out from the cracks of your skin.
you were made out of the most fragile porcelain taken from the insides of the most precious Egyptian tombs, your hair painted with the melted gold from the kings and queens themselves.
folding, curving skin.
i can run for miles through this field of ever growing sunflowers, my bare, naked feet leaving a trail of warm kisses as i dive into the flowers and roll, my bare body enveloped in flowers that exert warmth into me.
then there's your lips. (i could go on and on for hours about those lips)
they taunt me with every word that spills out, your cheeks vibrating from the passion you place upon your words. you are warm and lively, nothing more and absolutely nothing less.
your neck vibrates with the passion of your exuberant words and i can't control myself, kissing every inch of your godly body until i reach the featherweight skin that stretches taut over your marked collarbones (marked by me; permanently)
you are more than irresistible and i find myself salivating as i rub my hands over your warm shoulders again and again, caressing them with the intentions of memorizing every curve, every dip of your skin.
i can feel my heart beat beat beating in my chest, striving to rip out and cling to the unexplored crevices of the depths of your body, but i keep it in place as i touch the sweet ungodly shell that we call your body.
soaked in sweat and letting out tiny gasps i cannot find the strength to keep away from your every moment of existence, frantically digging my fingertips into your perfectly molded waist and pulling you closerclosercloser pulling you into me into me.
i bite at your skin with unexplained love (i cant tell you just how strong yet, i cant find it in  me) and you bruise me with the intentions of making me feel every pleasure known to man, with the intentions of making me feel like a queen. the desire is inexplicably killing me because my fingers don't fit into the raw insides of your body and i want them to, i want to feel every crack, every crevice on the inside and the outside of your delicate beauty.
i may not be perfect but ill lace my fingers through your hair and ill put my lips to the sweet skin that is just beneath your ear and ill whisper over and over again in tiny gasping breaths just how much i love you. i love you. i love you.

I am tired of being disposable.
I am tired of being filled to the brim with secrets and late night phone calls and then tossed away like garbage, like our friendship was never real.
I am tired of being the person that is spoken over in every conversation, like my words are just swept up by the wind in a snowstorm, unheard and meaningless.
I am tired of being talked to to fill your boredom until something better comes along.
(I am tired of being inadequate to every other person)
I am tired of having kisses trailed down my body, and having those same lips say goodbye so soon, because I am not enough to stick around.
I am ******* tired of being disposable.

HEY YOU!! Yes you c:
I think your beautiful and i love you
No... i know your beautiful and i love you c:
No seriously ....I love you :) nomatter how you look like
I love you nomatter how fat or skinny you are
I Care about you :) you can talk to me about anything
Because i love you :)
Shhhh hush... stop crying ,.im here if you need to talk i. Will listen and cheer you up.
Please…stop crying … i love you :)
If you cry… ill cry… you dont want that do you?
your better than this you beautiful human being c:

Im here for you ♥ talk to me♥