This whole time,
The devil thought
He was playing with my head
But his whole plan backfired

Seems I like dark deception
and the odd manipulative game,
I question quality of reflection
as each shares the same.
And it seemed like love
until I’ve finally had enough.

I tie up my own two feet
and put my hands straight to shackle,
and while the imprisonment is sweet
there’s too much bitterness to tackle.
And it seemed like love
until the rose tint got scuffed.

She shook the flowers from her hair
and my fingers were cut from the thorns of the tangles.
I thought there were a million clear signs there
I took the time to find each direction, possibilities and angles.
Did I demonize a saint?
or did I give a monster wings?
The image is up for perception, not the paint,
and the same song is different depending on who sings.

Seems I attract words of blades
and metaphorical slaps in the face,
deciphering shadows into different shades
and ranking them last to first place.
And I wanted it to be love,
but it was lower when I thought it above.

I see false inflated importance
or I see nothing at all.
With black and white I took a grey stance,
but my planted feet kept me from standing tall.
An empty home with a closing wall.

Seems I like dark deception
and the odd manipulative game,
I convince myself it’s forms of affection,
so it’s only I to blame.
And it seemed like love,
but I chose the noose instead of my glove.

I remember what happened 24 years ago.
I went to Walmart and bought a 3DO.
The 3DO was a video game console and it was 32 Bit.
Contrary to what some believe, it wasn't a *******.
It was almost as good as Sony's original Playstation.
I decided to buy a 3DO after some consideration.
I eventually bought the original Playstation but I bought the 3DO first.
It wasn't the greatest video game console but it certainly wasn't the worst.
It had some great games: Killing Time, Road Rash and the original Need For Speed.
But Plumbers Don't Wear Ties was so terrible that it will make your eyes bleed.
I was only twenty-four years old at the time, that was half a lifetime ago.
Panasonic, Sanyo and GoldStar were the three companies who manufactured the 3DO.

If video games were like crack, I would've been dead long ago.
If video games were like crack, I would be buried six feet below.
If video games were like crack, I would've overdosed and wouldn't be alive.
If video games were like crack, I wouldn't have been able to survive.
If video games were like crack, somebody would've had to call my next of kin.
If video games were like crack, I wouldn't have played video games ever again.
If video games were like crack, I would've been like a man who can't swim, I would've drowned.
If video games were like crack, my ex-wife would be happy because I'd no longer be around.

I'm Tired of Playing Board Games

I don't know about you, but I'm tired of playing chess,
Always being the pawn.
Defending the King and Queen,
Distracting the other team.
It can be useful when you trade it in,
But when the pawn's taken away,
No one cares, they just keep playing the game.

I don't know about you, but I'm tired of playing Monopoly,
Always in jail,
Just 'cause my luck landed me on the wrong square.
While it's been fun watching everyone rage quit since 2009,
My little thimble can't take one more lap past the go line,
Because it always comes back to me broke, and out of the game.

I don't know about you, but I'm tired of playing Apples to Apple.
Always pull the dead end cards.
People question
My random answers.
I never win, so I watch the other victory dancers.
Someone has five green card, the game is done, I look down and
                       see none

I don't know about you, but I'm tired of playing Operation,
Always buzzed at the slightest mistake.
Yelling at the board, "Why won't this funny bone come out!?"
I try and try but it always ends with a shout.
The board obviously has a short circuit, just not for anyone else.

Life is not a board game, well technically it is,
With the tiny cars and tiny people, all trying to get to retirement.
That's besides the point.
What I'm trying to say is that life isn't a board game,
but sometimes it seems like it works just the same.

I feel like I defend my family and friends, but am always replaced.
I feel like I rolled unlucky dice and landed on Divorced Parents.
I feel like I'm pulling all the bad cards,
Anxiety, depression, self doubt, social problems, and more.
I feel like my car isn't going anywhere.
I feel like I'm doing everything wrong,
As I hear a distant buzz of another panic attack coming along.
I'm tired of playing these board games.

Life is not a board game,
It is, but that's not my point.
Life isn't a board game,
But it will keep feeling that way
As long as I keep thinking this way.

I need to find a happy hope.
Past not being my parents.
Past not breaking down every night.
Past jumping through a portal to wield a light saber,
                 Rather than squeeze my empty fists from anxiety.
Past going to Hogwarts by train.
This happy hope might sound insane,
but I think I just want to make this a good game.

watching as time goes by
on the bleachers
waiting for the game to end

cheers and shouts
my distanced gaze is different from all the rest
meaningless numbers are shown on the board

only cheap thrills
temporarily balancing your thoughts
until it doesn't work

This is no
Ordernary bus
You do go on it
To go to work
Or to school
Unless
Work and school is
Battle field
And your job is to save the world.