My dearest friend,
We have been written together
Drawn side by side
In this cosmic masterpiece.
The stars wrote the map to me
On your heart
When we were only consciousness.
Before you knew my name or face,
You knew the secrets of my soul.
You've wandered through my gardens,
And braved my catacombs.
You could find your way
Through this labyrinth of my body
With your eyes closed.
My soul mate, my passion
The fever that breathes life into me,
Surely without you,
I could not find myself.

I still feel broken.
Lost in time
When I was left alone
In the cold.
Without a hand to hold.

I was small and weakened
By his words of hate.
He hated me,
Betrayed me.

He took my trust and disfigured my soul.
I felt abandoned and alone.
Lost in the cold.

He left me to bleed.
I tried to breathe

Instead I was used
Convinced that I was wrong.

I was too chained up
in denial to see.
Lost in their fantasies.

No words can describe any of this.
I only wish he never hurt me the way he did.

If only I knew none of it happened because of me.
I might just have been able to stay clean and untouched.

Like a drug
His words poisoned me
Creating a world of self hate.

I only wanted to feel free.
I had to keep bleeding
So I wouldn't remember what he did to me.

I had to replace everything with the feeling of its release.

My thinking is still distorted by his confusing lies.
Maybe someday I can tell him to speak the truth.

He tore out my heart.

So I thought,
Only to feel the real thing later on.

I want to blame him for setting my life up.
For making me feel so ******* worthless
that I would have felt happy to die for him if that made him forgive me.

For being the wrong one instead of him.

He hurt me for so long.
My heart and mind still needs mending.

My family never had a care in the world about me.
They didn't believe me.

And even now
It hurts like ****.

He made me voiceless.
It's why I used my skin instead.

Can someone tell me what has happened?
What is this word that we often use, normal?
It seems as if it has lost it's meaning or maybe
I have forgotten.
Do you find yourself using this foreign word?
Surely you know, maybe you could explain for
I am anything but.
Oh, I hope you can. I hear it is good, to be "normal"?
I wish I could concur...

It's taken me awhile
To catch my breath today.
But when i eventually did,
I realized it was because
My brain was not thinking of you.
All of your problems,
All of your wounds,
All of your insecurities,
All of your doubts,
Were not at the forefront
Of my waking consciousness.
I'm not saying I don't care about you,
Because I verily do.
But honestly, it was good to take a break
And forget it all,
Even if it was only for a few breaths.