Make sure you don't rip that dress"
He said with that smug on his face I hate so much
He got my attention this time
With the tapestry of those unscrupulous words
Was all it took for me to come back with every stitch intact
Nothing ripped- I said with a great sense of accomplishment
Hey girl,
I am a repertoire of your Moral Compass

I began my life active with sports and other meaningless award systems.
Girl's recreational soccer, basketball, bike riding, math competitions, the works
Today, I feel weightless
useless would be best fit
As if all the running, jumping, yelling, point requiring statuses pushed the light out of my transitioned life.

I find myself sitting in one area often, as one may do
But different than sitting on a bench or sitting actively in company of others
I sit wondering exactly who I am looking at
Why am I empty lifeless longing towards an imaginary spot in the distant wall
I imagine some events in these minutes of stoic despair
Hearing goes weak and frozen, in this second, while I continue my Sunday brunch with non-conformative attitudes and her mother, the sweet old dementia
I don't mean to have their meetings often, I must of first acquainted as the first grade trauma or the Broadway rendition of Alone Thoughts featuring the Broken High School Years.
I hope to work the wheels again, to end these meetings and to live for once, in the midst of motion and pause.
This time, stopping and starting as I please.

You see, we are so vastly different
You are the glorious butterfly
Already fluttering amongst your dreams

For you, the galaxy is the limit
And me, I'm still cocooned in my dark shell
Forever waiting to break free

What are kings, if not selfish cruel creatures,
thrones built of sacrifices,
the blind lambs of faith.
Their misdeeds,
their whims being the guiding path.
Will, paving the concrete path of others.

But,
though brow beaten,
the knight cries.

"To what shalt we be if not without the guidance of kings,
kissed by the angels of the holy,
blessed beneath the stars?

What of the olive branch they provide?
Of the prospering and the peasantry."

Oh,
how they cry within their armoured shells,
suffocating under their oaths.
Unspoken promises to their god,
their king,

I looked away.
I looked away from everything bad in my life.
And i saw it.
I saw the stars and the way they danced with each other.
The way they worked in harmony.
I gave into my heart.
I started thinking of you and the way your eyes glistened when the light hit it.
Or the way you smiled when you were talking about something you were passionate about.
All those times i took you for granted and didn’t take the time to think.

The stars aligned,
And my heart aligned with them.
The way the earth danced with the big dipper made me smile.
It made me happy.
Not like a dog seeing their human happy,
But a mother and father seeing their new born baby for the first time.
And that moment everything was right.
I stood staring at the stars instead of my phone.
The social media consumed me until i looked up and saw what was made for us to consume the beauty of.

We take pictures of it but we never admire it,
And one day when it's gone we will realize we should’ve seen the way it looked down at us.
Every night and throughout the day,
It never gives up.
And the way the stars never giving up in us,
Showing us art.
I found shelter from this cruel world.
After many times of falling short all i needed was a look at the stars.
And in star gazing i found everything i needed in life.
I found myself which was more than enough to get me by.
And in finding myself i found love through a constellation.

You'd think I'd learn by now, that feeling only ****.

You'd think learn by now,
that you don't want me. Not even a little.....

Or maybe you do. I tell myself that I'm insane, that it's never mean't to be, but try telling that to my crazy heart, when your lips are on me... You'd think I'd learn to move on, even after it all, but I don't. I still picture us, your hands on my hips, lips moving on lips, the secrecy and my fall...

But it's not mean't to be. You'd think I'd learn to stop hoping, to understand that your just leading me on... But I don't get it. I don't get that we'd be wrong. Though bitter sweet thought's rush in my head, I still haven't learn't, that you want her instead.

You'd think I'd learn, That we couldn't love, at least not you to me, and that it's wrong to even dream, but I don't learn....
Either I'll figure it out some day, or I won't, but not in a million quotes, are we mean't to be, because as it seems, you haven't learned to love me...

Are you okay?
The question is asked every single day.
No, not by myself,
But by the people who call me their shelf.

Are you okay?
Instead I get told, "get out of my way."
As I walk through the hall,
My eyes bawl

Are you okay?
I heard the girl say
She picked my books up for me
It felt like my heart was opened with a key

Are you okay?
Her eyes were blue-ish grey
She helped me from the floor
It was like that book I read of lore

Are you okay?
She asked as I took her to a café
For it was five years after
And i learned she was a crafter

Are you okay?
She mended my heart with clay
Her name was Kate
And she told me to wait

Are you okay?
She asked as she lifted the tray
For we were older than before
And we both needed help to pour

Are you okay?
They asked us as together we lay
We both knew what was coming
For was inevitable, the eradicating