There's nothing worse than being nothing
When you know you have potential
Instead stenciled, penciled, cookie cut
Into a rut of their something.
I'd rather be bluffing and faking
Than making myself into what they made me.
"Ryan, you ok?" Yeah, it's all gravy,
Reality, I can feel dry as a biscuit
Risking my life for this work life,
This can't be all there is, right?

"I'm a drug dealer!" And then there's shock
Not a street block but a retail shop
So we both laugh, the only joke I got.
They let their guards down, it sounds intense
But dense minds don't realize I sit behind
This keyboard and bash those buttons
Until they pop out of their sockets,
Clock it in, clock me out, I could work this knocked out.
A genius sleeping, keeping sanity from going south.

They keep saying I have such potential,
Stuck dreaming it could be with this pencil
But even this utensil is saying number two,
Afraid I'll turn blue being unheard,
Unrelatablly unrelated until my name
Sits on a stone slated.
Here lies a writer you only read
Once his words spoken out from the dead.

I could use a drugged out fantasy
Where the walls dance in my head
A little hit of ecstacy so I might fade in bed
Maybe I can take a drag and forgot the cares
Waking sober and everything is still there.
Can I get by for one more night,
Can I be high on life?
It's going to be alright
If we can just take flight.

A bit of ******* to a dull brain
Getting ****** up in a blow
Nobody to say a word, only Washington knows.
Lost in the flow of the words as they slip
Drifting off the tip of my tongue
Sliding smooth out of my lips,
Can you taste the potent drips,
Can you go a little more numb?

I'm sure everything will pass,
Passing the time of one more night
Slipping, high on life,
Can we just be alright?

Meet me at the usual spot
In the twilight we've lived
Down the alley where we plot
A million amazing nothing things
Given money for odd jobs around,
Paying money to catch a bus out of town.
They say he looks a lot like you,
They say he looks a lot like me.
If every world around us is a locked door
We could dream of having a key.
Until then, I knock once more.

It's the complex things that disappear without trace,
The simple ones that make memories,
Remember sea salt ice cream?
I don't think I can ever forget the taste
It seems like forever, as it plays in my mind,
The walls are thinner here, like they could melt
I'm the nobody, the heartless tell.

We play Struggle while adults struggle,
In that photo, smiling without troubles
Until day 359, he woke from the rubble.

This is my sanctuary,
A blank page where I exist.
Where the waves can crash me down
Just to feel the water pound, perfect.
I've been thirsting but, don't drink.
Starving without something meaningful to sink
My teeth into and grip hold.
I'm an old soul stuck in this body I captured,
A sold soul stuck waiting for my rapture.
Don't look at me here, look at you.

If these walls are holding ghosts
At what point do I flow into them too?
At what point do they host my reflection
And in what direction am I wired to move?
Could I be the old grooves in the wood
Waiting for some simple symphony of motion,
The water dripping from the leaky faucet
Still dreaming of being an ocean?

Could I just be these simple bones?
Being pulled by an imaginary fate I trust
Until that reckoning to unknown,
From ash to ash, dust to dust.
This is my sanctuary,
A blank body where I exist.

The moon is shining so bright tonight
I wonder if you see it too.

I wanted to paint my soul
So I dunked both my arms into blue and green
And threw them onto the canvas
As the liquid splattered, light gathered
Out of the sheet and danced the room,
Only giving me its sight then zoomed
Back into the place it had come.
Before it dried, I spread my hand across,
Letting the bright colors smear and run.

I drew pencil lines around the fine nothingness
But they insisted to create, instead, a bridge
From one side to the other, there I laid,
Swearing I could feel wind, in the light,
The middle of the bridge swayed
Over the sea of blue and meeting in green
Magically moving at that in between.

Cutting my hand, not too deep,
I let myself drip and the liquid creeped
Into the work that was myself,
Disappearing among the colors I felt.
This was me, a soul, puncturing the middle,
Making myself whole.

It seems pretty terrible,
We **** full races, nations,
For one radical group and salute
To a place based on freedoms
Then try to browbeat the same religion
Into every school and political organization.
Remember the start of freedom we sought,
Pride ourselves being the melting ***
But all I see is ****** white folks a lot.

I'm tired of another year to build a wall,
How Arabic people will bomb us all,
Another African man going home
Gets shot up just because police can.
We create a stigma for anyone not like you
Then push hate for people trying to prove
That they deserve rights too.
I'd rather trust in any god that doesn't promote
Old money-made rich men,
Who make laws but don't follow them.

Get everyone fired up on a tangent, look.
While they turn around to hide their own scandal, crooks.
They would create any distraction
To allow for their own transactions,
You're at home fighting fake enemies,
They're sitting in mansions laughing.
Standing behind the views they want you to hear
Feeding people bigotry and fear
Real issues get buried and it isn't fair.

This is for the hill
I tried to learned to ride a bike on
But instead learned to skate
Where it evened out at the bottom
But I always hit the brake too late.
For the neighbor that let his dogs loose
To come at me and give chase,
You made me fear dogs as a kid,
Learning to fear people in present day.
For the tree I was too afraid climb
After we moved from that place,
They took it away
Then changed the street name
If nothing ever changed,
nothing would change.

This is for the basement apartment
Where I learned nothing gold could stay
While I slept, the mold would grow
Eating through the things I did know.
Looking up from where I lay
Knowing I'd be somewhere better someday.
For my mother who gave solid ground,
My sister who bought me surround sound
So I turned that **** so loud
That it shook the walls of the house
Making my thoughts just drown
Shouting the words while no one was around.

This is for the days where I felt real low,
This is for the side I only show
In the words of my thoughts
Hoping someone saw, not feeling alone.
For the days I work towards my dreams,
Where inspiration screams from my pores
And I'm sure of my future,
Pouring from a pen.
Listen I know my destiny, I give what's left of me
To a passion so pure, this can't be imagination.

Words cut deep, I'm told
From that appearance, I'm holding hot steel
Against your throat made of pure gold.
Sinking into soft metals deep cuts,
Swift ****** and twist up to unjust
They must want to see themselves implode
While i blow off four bullets at once
Like Bayonetta, I bust guns from my heels.
The scrawny white guy with a case of the feels
But if you look into my eyes,
Behind the blinds, you'll see my mind
Spinning thoughts like a reel 2 reel.

I'm a professional at wordplay,
A mercenary looking to slay any hate
Like corn, I stalk, until I can pop up from the wait.
In vegetables, I'm non-gmo, every word homegrown
With organic tones that could never be cloned.
A smile like a crocodile, no gators,
Notice my behavior, look at my toothy grin,
Luring all the little fishes in.

Don't try to bludgeon me with bludgers
I'm a beater beating back every slugger,
While you waffle with a quaffle
Gluing my head on straight so it won't topple
In a brothel of a world,
Everyone seems to look for a temporary fix
I want to keep it a hundred fifty,
Shining golden like a snitch

Cars are flying down the 41
Like everyday, one hits another one.
Pretty soon the cops will come
Delays will stay consistent,
Fatality they say over those radios.
You're running late for work
Thinking these jerks need to move
A blessing you can have those thoughts,
It wasn't your life death did choose
But no, we don't think like that and
Oh, there must be something we are owed.

A man goes to the doctor to get an answer,
Confirmed it was cancer so he's told.
Radiation could save his life,
While he holds his breath to hear the price.
Ten thousand a month, now he knows.
Choosing to survive to not be able to survive.
But no, we don't think like that and
Oh, there must be something we are owed.

There's a child starving out there,
Elderly with no place to go.
People with nothing still wanting to share,
As you read, someone lost their home.
But no, we don't think like that and
Oh, there must be something we are owed.