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in spring i inhale
and float away through summer
autumn i exhale
and sink back down through winter
a seasonal procession
a cyclic pranayama
my annual kundalini
it fills me with the desire
to live and to love
Choka
But what can I do?
Here I lie, just helpless here:
Fear and doubt strangling.
Can any deed relieve this?
Surely not from me.
Will I lessen any pain?
I doubt I will play a part.
There's always a ploy,
Complicated stratagems,
And a backup plan.
When I meet potential flirts,
I throw up my guard.
I save aloofness and pride
For the clingy one.
For the one given to thought,
I display impulse,
Expose spontaneity,
And show thoughtlessness.
For those expecting much praise,
I laugh at their face,
Disregarding some kindness,
And I spurn their wants.
But for the analyzer,
Who looks inside me--
I open up the floodgates,
I lay bare my faults,
And try to convince the man
Of every vileness
And of every cruelty
That I can muster.
For if he believes I sin,
And do so often,
Perhaps it will save him then
From the traps I'd lay
If I let myself like him,
Try to entrance him,
And lie about my dark soul.
This way, no man knows:
No man sees my tender heart,
No man knows my fears,
No man feels my true sorrow--
And my heart is saved.
But I wonder deep at night:
Am I lonely? No...
But I've run so far from love
That I'll never try again.
we all have our demons
but if you look closely
you will find yourself
so be gentle to them
and introduce yourself
tell them that you love them
and that you will keep them
safe and from any harm
let them know whatever
made them the way they are
is no longer around
that you are now adult
and need their special gifts
to fully live your life
ask them to give their trust
and promise to listen
and always respect them
welcome them back with love
and they will change into
angels in your life
loving without strings
living it with all your heart
demands inner strength
you cannot and should never
blame your love for not caring
they are them and you are you
sometimes what feels forever
is not in the cards we play
the queen of hearts gone missing
though you were sure you held her
so shuffle the deck again
pick up your hand and play it
someday you may win
Sometimes i wander
head down hands in my pockets
through the cold wet autumn wind
to where the sea meets the land
then sit upon a worn log
on the ragged pebbled strand
and listen to the waves pound
and hiss all along the shore
alone there with seals and gulls
i think and dream and ponder
my memories a midden
full of triumphs and failures
growing behind me
your love was so deep
that it flowed under my walls
undercutting them
and causing them to collapse
it's no wonder that i love
fascinating you
whirling little dreams
spining around within me
cutting through the shades
tramsmute my injured psyche
my abandoned child within
bring him from out of darkness
freed from that cold, remote place
where memories become ghosts
where part of us becomes lost
and tell him that i need him
and that i truly love him
and bring him back home
i love you so much
that i have lost any desire
to ever own you
instead let us drift down river
joyful in each others arms
navigating with our hearts
to the bright blue sea
i have not seen you
nor heard your sweet words
forever it seems
and though the sun shines above
in a blue and verdant sky
all is dark and cold to me
my only light is memory
but do not worry for me
for i will survive and heal
and i will never forget
the love you gave me
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